DMT Beauty Transformation: Tackle Office Conflicts Head On With This HR-Approved Advice
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Tackle Office Conflicts Head On With This HR-Approved Advice

January 14, 2020DMT Beauty

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Pros Reveal: How to Handle Office Conflicts

Confusion around roles and responsibilities, misaligned company priorities and different interaction styles are all factors that can lead to conflict in the workplace. And while it’s never fun to deal with tense conversations and stressful interpersonal situations when you’re trying to get your work done, conflict is part of being human – the office just exacerbates the discomfort we feel around it.

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“The challenge with office conflicts is that we often work in environments where emotional exchange and open communication isn’t encouraged, taught or celebrated,” says Erin Willett, brand and culture strategist and founder of The Tap In Team.

“This means we shy away from saying what we truly want to say. Our feelings become repressed, we disengage or become tense. We don’t express, work through and move on. We harbor.”

Doesn’t sound healthy or productive, right? So instead of letting conflicts at work get the best of you, learn how to navigate them effectively with tips from HR pros.

1. Acknowledge the Conflict

While it’s tempting to just walk away when faced with the awkwardness of a brewing confrontation, resist the temptation to bottle things up and choose to call out the tension head on.

“Start by saying, ‘Hang on, I think we have a conflict brewing. Let's see if we can figure out what's the cause.’ Just saying something like this out loud acknowledges that you are both feeling uncomfortable and normalizes it,” says Jackie Lauer, leadership and culture expert and EQ coach.

“Acknowledging discomfort or confusion lets the brain know that you're working on it and it will immediately stop releasing cortisol, the stress hormone.”

2. Separate Facts From Interpretation

It’s tricky to discern facts from the meanings we give to them, but learn how to do this in the middle of a heated exchange and you’ll have mastered the art of handling any conflict.

“Great communicators and leaders know how to separate facts from the narrative or story that we are creating around the facts,” says Lauer. “Conflicts are often created by [wrongful assumptions].” Willett agrees: “Recognize that all perceptions are projections. Every single person is entering the conversation with their own experience and context.”

The first step in getting to that point is to listen deeply and with empathy. Lauer says that momentarily separating yourself from your own perspective – while practicing active listening – doesn’t mean that you put yourself aside and ignore your feelings. Rather, it means you choose to take the time to hear another perspective before sharing your own.

3. Remember It’s Not About Winning

“The intention of the conversation is to understand and move forward – not to win,” says Willett.

We get it: It’s hard to picture yourself on the same team as the person you are feeling resentment towards. But remembering that it’s not about being right and more about aiming to find solutions is crucial to conflict resolution.

Fixating on “winning” an argument can quickly escalate into an ugly scenario that has a negative impact on your teammates and career. “It’s toxic when people believe that there is only one right and one wrong, one winner and one loser,” says Lauer.

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4. Don’t Engage in Destructive Behaviors

You might want to rethink furiously venting off your interpersonal frustrations in a private Slack channel. “Avoid, shutdown, blame, gossip. All of these prolong the discomfort and create resentment,” says Willett.

And while it may seem surprising, avoiding conflict altogether can be just as destructive as gossiping. “Avoiding conflict doesn't dismiss it. It does the opposite by escalating it. It wreaks havoc on relationships and on the business,” says Lauer. “Any post-mortem on failed relationships and businesses will inform you that one of the biggest triggers behind the failure was the avoidance of conflict.”

5. Turn It Into a Productive Conversation

Healthy work cultures are not about the absence of conflict. When you use conflict to strengthen relationships and outcomes and commit yourself to addressing tensions as they arise and openly communicating, you not only improve your quality of life at work, but also help others by contributing to building a positive environment.

“All disagreements are an opportunity for people to vocalize their boundaries and name their needs. If people address conflicts with a solution mindset, these moments are key to creating rapport and safety in our work environments. Conflicts allow us to be heard, and to hear others,” says Willett.

“High-performance teams that are fulfilled and love what they do are those that know how to lean into conflict in healthy ways. They have learned how to engage in fruitful discussions where they invite different perspectives. They know at a deep level that meaningful conflict leads to great ideas and new innovations,” says Lauer.

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Anouare Abdou, Khareem Sudlow

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