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This Sagittarius Season, It's Time For Change

The Full Beaver Moon Eclipse Is Coming — & It Will Change Everything

November 27, 2020BruceDayne

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A detailed image of a full Moon taken with an astronomical telescope

Eclipse season is back, and the very first one of the winter is happening during the Full Beaver Moon in the versatile sign of Gemini on November 30. According to the Farmer’s Almanac, the first full moon of November is referred to as the Full Beaver Moon because it occurs during the time of year when beavers begin to take shelter in their dams. Cute visual aside, this luminary signals a time when the seasons shift and we begin to prep for the winter. And, with an added penumbral lunar eclipse, we can expect even more change than usual.

Leslie Hale, psychic astrologer at Keen.com, says that eclipses are lights that help illuminate our paths toward the future. “As we approach an eclipse, energies start to build and information and events relating to the eclipse begin to occur,” she explains. The energy surrounding this upcoming eclipse is extremely powerful — about three times more powerful than a regular full moon, according to Narayana Montúfar, senior astrologer for Astrology.com. What happens during it could affect how the rest of our 2020 will go.

This full moon is all about communication, according to astrologer Lisa Stardust, and she says that it’s a good time to let our emotions and needs be known. “We will be able to openly discuss matters with those whom we are close to and use our intellectualism and emotional smartness to navigate through situations and relationships,” she tells Refinery29.

With the eclipse happening in the midst of cuffing season and the week of Thanksgiving, it’s safe to say that how we communicate during this time matters — and it might make a difference in how our familial and romantic relationships play out. Beware of being too open though — it is Sagittarius season after all, a time when we often put our foot in our mouth by accident. As long as you think before you speak or send that text, you’ll find success in your communication.

Stardust isn’t the only astrologer who sees this luminary as an enchanting one. Montúfar describes this upcoming full moon as magical — and maybe even transformative. “Since full moons are usually about closing doors and letting stuff go, it comes with the message that something has to leave our life in order to make room for something new,” she says. Montúfar points out that Gemini is a mental sign ruled by Mercury, meaning that the energy of this luminary is about shedding old beliefs — specifically ones that have prevented us from seeing things from a different perspective. “After all, with the sun currently in Sagittarius, we are being asked to open our minds and be more optimistic about the future,” she says.

Figuring out exactly what this eclipse is asking us to move away from will be tricky, Montúfar says. That’s thanks to confusing Neptune squaring the nodes of destiny. Take Stardust’s advice and use this time to communicate clearly — not only with others, but with yourself, too. What has held you back this year? What do you want to change? A good prompt to ask yourself might be, What do you know now that you didn’t know pre-pandemic? Maybe you used to be terrible about keeping in touch with friends, but now you realize that those important connections are integral to your happiness. Pledge to go into this full moon eclipse — and into 2021 — with a new mindset about prioritizing your friendships.

Another remarkable transit will occur during this full moon that points to good fortune. According to Montúfar, the moon will be conjunct a fixed star named Aldebaran — a special transit that ancient astrologers believed to be favorable for business and public success. Have an idea that you think could propel your career forward? Now’s the time to march ahead and go for it! Don’t let insecurities hold you back this time — the power of the full moon eclipse is behind you. “A Gemini full moon always comes with a fair share of jittery and nervous energy, but if we are capable of turning down the distractions and the noise and give ourselves a clear target, this eclipse can certainly set us up for success,” Montúfar says.

As the Full Beaver Moon draws near, remember to focus, communicate clearly, and think about what you want to change. It’s a great moment to reflect on 2020 and figure out where we want to go in 2021. Change doesn’t have to be scary — it could be just what we need.

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Meghan & Harry Recreate Their First Portrait

Meghan Markle Says Pregnancy Loss Was “An Almost Unbearable Grief”

November 25, 2020BruceDayne

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LONDON, UNITED KINGDOM – NOVEMBER 10: (EMBARGOED FOR PUBLICATION IN UK NEWSPAPERS UNTIL 24 HOURS AFTER CREATE DATE AND TIME) Meghan, Duchess of Sussex attends the annual Remembrance Sunday service at The Cenotaph on November 10, 2019 in London, England. The armistice ending the First World War between the Allies and Germany was signed at Compiegne, France on eleventh hour of the eleventh day of the eleventh month – 11am on the 11th November 1918. (Photo by Max Mumby/Indigo/Getty Images)

A little over a year ago, Meghan Markle was asked if she was okay by a reporter. It sounds like a standard question, but it’s one the Duchess of Sussex hadn’t heard throughout multiple media interviews. “Thank you for asking,” Markle said at the time, detailing her struggle to transition to royal life and the media scrutiny of becoming a new mother. “Not many people have asked if I’m OK.”

Markle’s raw and honest response was something we rarely see from the famously buttoned-up royal family. And now, Markle is breaking from tradition and sharing her truth once again — this time about the devastating pregnancy loss she and Prince Harry experienced in July.

In an essay for The New York Times published this morning, Markle writes about the moment she knew she was losing her second child while holding her son, Archie. “Hours later, I lay in a hospital bed, holding my husband’s hand,” she writes. “I felt the clamminess of his palm and kissed his knuckles, wet from both our tears. Staring at the cold white walls, my eyes glazed over. I tried to imagine how we’d heal.”

Markle wrote that she hoped sharing her loss would encourage the many families who have also experienced this pain, citing a study from the Mayo Clinic that 10 to 20 percent of pregnancies result in miscarriage. “Losing a child means carrying an almost unbearable grief, experienced by many but talked about by few,” Markle writes. “Yet despite the staggering commonality of this pain, the conversation remains taboo, riddled with (unwarranted) shame, and perpetuating a cycle of solitary mourning.”

Markle thanked those who have also shared their stories, including a wave of public figures like Chrissy Teigen, Kate Beckinsale, Beyoncé, Kate Mara, and Hope Solo. “They have opened the door, knowing that when one person speaks truth, it gives license for all of us to do the same,” Markle wrote. “We have learned that when people ask how any of us are doing, and when they really listen to the answer, with an open heart and mind, the load of grief often becomes lighter — for all of us. In being invited to share our pain, together we take the first steps toward healing.”

Sharing in grief can be incredibly powerful, and remind people that they don’t have to suffer alone. “Everyone shares and grieves differently, but being open and sharing your story makes you realize how many others have been in the same or similar situations,” Lilli Dash Zimmerman, MD, fertility specialist at Columbia University Fertility Center, previously told Refinery29.

Markle notes that along with pregnancy loss, there are many other traumas people are grappling with this year, including the hundreds of thousands of lives lost to COVID-19, the anxiety and isolation of a global pandemic, racial injustice and the murders of Breonna Taylor and George Floyd at the hands of police, and widespread political unrest. “In places where there was once community, there is now division,” she writes.

Markle encouraged readers to take a moment, this Thanksgiving and beyond, to start asking each other if we’re okay and really listening to the answer. A small gesture, and a seemingly small question, can go much further than we think. And with a year as isolating as this one, it sounds like a good start.

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Run's Kiera Allen Is A New Kind Of Action Star

Why Is Hollywood Obsessed With Killer Moms?

November 24, 2020BruceDayne

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RUN — They say you can never escape a mother’s love… but for Chloe, that’s not a comfort — it’s a threat. There’s something unnatural, even sinister about the relationship between Chloe (newcomer Kiera Allen) and her mom, Diane (Sarah Paulson). Diane has raised her daughter in total isolation, controlling every move she’s made since birth, and there are secrets that Chloe’s only beginning to grasp. From the visionary writers, producers and director of the breakout film Searching, comes a suspense thriller that shows that when mom gets a little too close, you need to RUN. Diane (Sarah Paulson), shown. (Photo by: Allen Fraser/Hulu)

Early on in Hulu’s newly released film Run, it becomes clear that Diane (played by Sarah Paulson) is intentionally making her child (played by Kiera Allen) ill. She feeds her muscle relaxers meant for a dog and other unknown pills, keeping her imprisoned in their house with limited access to the outside world. While it’s never explicitly stated, it’s apparent that Diane has Munchausen syndrome by proxy, making Run just one more in a long list of movies and TV shows that have turned the mental illness into a plotline in the last several years. The condition featured prominently in The Act; It; Phantom Thread; Everything, Everything; and Sharp Objects as well. But the condition is neither new or exceedingly common. So what’s driving the current pop culture fascination?

Munchausen syndrome by proxy — which is now known as Factitious Disorder Imposed on Another (FDIA), according to the DSM-5 — was first named in 1977. It occurs when a caregiver (97% of the time, the mother) feigns, exaggerates, or induces illness in a child in order to gain some kind of emotional satisfaction. “It’s sometimes called medical child abuse, which is more descriptive and really explains what it is,” says Marc D. Feldman, MD, the author of Dying To Be Ill: True Stories Of Medical Deception. “It’s a serious form of abuse and it may be the most lethal form of abuse.” There are an estimated 600 to 1,200 cases in the United States each year, and six to nine percent are fatal.

In 2015, the story of Gypsy Rose Blanchard and her mother Dee Dee caught the nation’s attention. Dee Dee had a severe case of FDIA, and Gypsy Rose conspired to kill her mother as a result of the abuse, then was imprisoned for the crime. This was an unusual case, and indisputably fascinating: Dr. Feldman said it’s the only instance he’s heard of where the victim had the perpetrator murdered. There were news articles about the case, then a Netflix documentary. Finally, came the fictionalized account in the shape of Hulu series The Act.

This fictionalization of disturbing news events is part of a relatively common cycle: For instance, the 2015 thriller Room was inspired by the stories of Josef Fritzl and Ariel Castro, both of whom kidnapped women and kept them imprisoned for years in hidden areas in the men’s homes. The Law and Order franchise regularly bases its episodes on recent news stories. These tales scratch the same itch as true crime podcasts and shows: While we may feel conflicted about our interest in these topics, they allow us to process our feelings about the stories, and think through how we’d act in that situation, says Sarah Walden, PhD, a professor at Baylor University who specializes in women’s rhetoric and motherhood.

Stories about women harming their children, such as Casey Anthony or Andrea Yates, who both murdered their children, tend to receive outsized amounts of media coverage, Dr. Walden says. This fascination with “killer moms” may reveal a tension that exists around how motherhood, and to a larger degree, women, are viewed in society today, says Elizabeth Podnieks, PhD, a professor of English at Ryerson University in Toronto who specializes in motherhood studies. Throughout history, pressure has been placed on mothers to be perfect, nurturing, and self-sacrificing, and coverage of conditions like FDIA radically dismantles that idealized view of maternity, a juxtaposition that people find naturally fascinating, Dr. Podnieks says.

“There’s a relief there for women to see a sort of breakdown of this ideal,” Dr. Podnieks says. “There’s something liberating, metaphorically, to say, ‘What would happen if I didn’t fulfill these dictates of idealized maternity? It’s a liberation of these myths of the idealized woman.” She notes that it’s similar to watching any kind of horror film: “After you watch one of these movies, from a mother’s perspective, you can say, ‘Wow I went to the darkest place, and now I’ve come back, and I see my own mothering in context — I’m not that bad of a mother’.” She calls it a kind of “psychic release.”

On the other hand, the continuous coverage of a rare mental illness can be read as being reflective of “society’s and culture’s ongoing backlash against women and their power, which is denigrating to women and offensive, frankly,” Dr. Podnieks adds.

Setting aside the Blanchard story, it’s no coincidence that FDIA portrayals became more common in the last four years, according to Dr. Walden. “We’ve had this huge conservative turn in the past four years in regard to discussions of women, openly misogynistic language, and a patriarchy that’s explicit instead of implicit,” Dr. Walden says. “I think this idea of fearing women and fearing what women might do in a care taking role is probably largely a result of our political context.”

Power is often associated with our culture’s stereotype of the masculine ideal. Painting women as destructive or dangerous when they’re in positions of power — even if these movies show them having power over just one person, their child — directly plays into our society viewing powerful women as negative.

“To me, it’s another backlash against maternal power and feminist power that we see with more women in positions of power and the rise of right-wing groups and so on,” Dr. Podnieks elaborates. “[There’s] this need to punish women who have power to make them see abhorrent and monstrous for being unfeminine, and so the mother becomes the perfect target. Her power is being seen as an evil, destructive force.”

That said, Dr. Feldman believes that there’s at least one positive outcome of pop culture’s current fascination with FDIA: increased awareness. Dr. Feldman has been studying these medical abuse cases for almost 30 years, and he’s always surprised by how ominous they can be. “They take my breath away with the deviousness and potential seriousness,” he says. “Death is not a terribly uncommon outcome and I think these TV shows, whether it’s true crime or fictional, have by and large accurately depicted the severity by Munchausen by proxy abuse.”

For those concerned that pop culture depictions of the mental illness may prompt copycats, Dr. Feldman says, “Perpetrators have never needed any instructions. They are very enterprising and creative when it comes to sickening their children or pets.” He says that his first book, Patient or Pretender: Inside the Strange World of Factitious Disorders, was criticized by some professionals who feared that he had provided an ‘instruction manual.'” That’s not the case, Dr. Feldman says — in the many years since, he hasn’t learned of a single instance in which the patient or perpetrator misused any of his books as a “how-to” guide.

As of now, however, the causes and triggers for FDIA aren’t well understood. Although these cases are rare, Dr. Feldman says that our exposure to them via pop culture could help accelerate research on how to treat the disorder in the future. For now, he says that The American Professional Society on the Abuse of Children is a good resource. “The more it’s highlighted, the more likely it is to be recognized as a public health crisis,” he says. “We don’t know how to really treat the perpetrators. Judges still have never heard of it so they don’t take it seriously. Police departments and child protective services know little to nothing about it.” More awareness means children in the care of someone with FDIA may get help sooner, Dr. Feldman notes. “Any way to educate the public is a good thing.”

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A Therapist’s Guide To Surviving Thanksgiving Family Drama

November 24, 2020BruceDayne

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Ah, Thanksgiving. For many, the day is a time for joy, merriment, and amazing food — but for others, it’s a source of stress and anxiety, thanks to family drama around the dinner table. Maybe you have a strained relationship with a family member, or maybe the election is making things feel especially toxic this year in particular. Either way, the last thing you want is for a relaxing day off work to turn into an incredibly stressful situation you have to manage — even if it’s over a Covid-safe Zoom call.

You can’t control other people’s actions, but there are some things you can do to protect your own mental health from any tension that might crop up over Thanksgiving. Think of the following expert-backed strategies as your unofficial Thanksgiving 2020 Survival Guide.

Know your own triggers.

Before the holiday, take a few minutes to nail down what exactly tends to set you off at a family gathering. Does your temper tend to flare when your aunt Mary asks why you’re still single, for instance? Or when the talk turns political? Knowing your triggers allows you to make a loose plan for how you’ll handle them when they crop up.

It also helps you avoid inadvertently bringing up something that’s actually a sensitive topic for you. “Don’t invite people into part of your life in a conversation if that’s not an area where you want them to go,” Moraya Seeger DeGeare, licensed marriage and family therapist and the co-owner of BFF Therapy in Beacon, NY, tells Refinery29. In other words, don’t tell Aunt Mary about your last crappy date if your goal is to avoid the “still single?” question.

Come prepared with conversation topics.

One of the best ways to steer a conversation is to change topics. So come prepared: Have a handful of neutral conversation starters in your back pocket to pull out when tensions start creeping up. “You could have a conversation about the silver linings of the pandemic,” suggests Kristen Harrington, a marriage and family therapist located in Kingston, NY.

Bring up Zoom — do people love it or hate it? Your favorite old holiday movies. Whether your old English teacher is still working at the high school. Whether it’s really necessary to separate colors when you wash clothes. What your favorite Thanksgiving dish is. Then when your Aunt Mary asks when you’re finally getting married, you can simply say, “Oh you’re so funny. Have you been watching anything good on Netflix during quarantine?” A no-fail solution: “Ask them about themselves,” Harrington says. “Then they may forget to be nasty.”

Let yourself take breaks.

If you’re only home for a few days and you don’t see your family often, it can be tempting to try to spend every spare minute with them. But DeGeare says there’s nothing wrong with going for a quick walk or scheduling a time to chill alone. If you feel guilty, remind yourself that taking time away is actually the most loving thing you can do, because it makes the time you are spending with your family better.

“A lot of times, especially around holidays, people get stuck in the house and then they get caught up in childhood cycles,” DeGeare explains. “So do whatever you can to step out of that normal cycle you get stuck in when you go home.” That means regularly stepping away to re-ground yourself. I’m even a fan of the extra-long bathroom break in really dire moments.

Forgive yourself for losing your cool.

In a year as tumultuous as 2020, a triggering subject is bound to come up during your holiday gathering. Go in with the intention to just have a good time, which might mean letting your family’s rude comments slide. “Having a screaming match with someone about why they shouldn’t have voted for Trump isn’t going to do anything,” DeGeare says. “No one’s changing their vote, and it’s not going to change their opinion on these topics that are really important.” Getting worked up about it will get you nowhere — but still, if it happens, let yourself off the hook if you lose your cool. 2020 has been stressful, and holiday stress on top of that isn’t an ideal combination for anyone.

But, she says that if you know that at some point there’s a chance you’re going to have a conversation about current events, think about what the message is you really want to get across and practice that in advance. “Having a plan in terms of how you’d like to respond to these kinds of things really can give you a leg up on the situation,” she says.

And remember — in the end, you can’t choose your family members. But you can choose how you cope with them and the steps you can take to protect your own mental health.

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It’s Sagittarius Season, & Big Changes Are Coming Our Way

November 22, 2020BruceDayne

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As an Aries, I’ve always felt an affinity for Sagittariuses (Sagittarii?) — we’re a zodiac BFF match, after all. So I’m more than happy to be moving from intense and introspective Scorpio season into the adventurous and optimistic sign of the archer on November 22. Narayana Montúfar, senior astrologer for Astrology.com, says Sagittarius season (which lasts until December 21) will feel like a breath of fresh air — something we all need.

But we’re not letting go of the brooding vibes that characterized Scorpio season just yet. “We’ll still have the intuitive and water element present, since Venus enters Scorpio the same time Sagittarius season starts,” Montúfar explains. Still, our introspection will be lightened somewhat, thanks to the characteristic optimism of Sag season.

We’ll all be feeling happy and hopeful for at least one reason: The sun moving into the sign of the archer marks the final stretch of 2020, and after a long, exhausting year, we’re more than ready to turn over a new leaf. To help us do that, this month we’ll be sitting through two eclipses, Montúfar says: a penumbral eclipse of the moon on November 29, and a total eclipse of the sun on December 14. “Eclipses are the way the universe creates change in our lives. They open and close doors,” she explains.

Leslie Hale, psychic astrologer at Keen.com, says that some of these changes may involve removing people from your life. “Freedom is the theme,” she says. “You may feel strongly that you want to cut the ties with any person or thing that seems to hold you back.”

Give yourself a moment to take a look back at this past year — what, or who, hasn’t served you? It may be easy to pick out what’s been holding you back, whether it’s a stagnant relationship, a demanding job, or even your mindset. The urge to cut ties is strong, and honestly — it’s a good time to do it.

Break up with your partner who admitted to voting for Trump. Start looking for a job that actually makes you want to get up in the morning. Move somewhere new. Get a dog or a daring haircut. Whatever you think will make a substantial difference to your life, now’s the time to set that in motion with the energy of Sag season and the eclipses behind you.

It won’t be all forward momentum, though. “The sun will align with the South Node of Destiny for the first twenty days of Sagittarius season, which means that we may feel a little insecure and not want to be in the spotlight,” astrologer Lisa Stardust says. “There’s a hesitation with moving forward now, which may make us all want to stand still.” She also notes that on December 9, elusive Neptune will square the sun. Stardust says this will make us extra indecisive. The key? Check your most deeply held values. “As long as we stay true to our beliefs, we will be able to power through it,” she says.

The one drawback that lurks in the life-changing energy of Sag season is a risk of falling into a “me, me, me” mindset — and coming across as overly blunt. You’ll need to communicate clearly with others as well, Stardust cautions. “Choosing our words wisely is important over the next thirty days. More often than not, we can put our foot in our mouths during Sagittarius season,” Stardust says. “Think before you speak or send that text, it may save us all a lot of drama throughout the month.”

Right at the tail end of Sagittarius season, Jupiter and Saturn will both leave Capricorn to enter Aquarius. Jupiter moves signs every year, but Saturn only does every two and a half years. “The fact that both of these social planets switch signs around the same time says there are big changes ahead for the collective,” Montúfar says. On December 21, we’ll experience the Great Conjunction between these two planets — something that happens only once every 20 years, and usually signifies historic change.

It might just be my Sagittarius moon talking, but I have a good feeling about this upcoming month. Change is brewing — and it’s for the better.

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Mercury Is In Scorpio, & You May Need Alone Time

Venus Is In Scorpio, & Our Relationships Are About To Heat Up

November 19, 2020BruceDayne

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Yes, the temperatures are dropping — but our relationships are getting hotter and hotter, as passionate Venus moves into sensual Scorpio on November 21. “We’ll want to connect with others on an intense level and create bonds that won’t ever be broken,” astrologer Lisa Stardust says. “This placement is not for the faint of heart.”

She’s talking about only romantic relationships, but friendships and family bonds as well. The reason this transit is so powerful (and far-reaching) is because Venus will be in the opposite sign from its home in Taurus, a placement that amplifies the already-seductive energy this transit brings explains Narayana Montúfar, senior astrologer for Astrology.com. Plus, the communication planet Mercury is also in Scorpio until November 30, amplifying the energy even more. This year, Venus in Scorpio “goes for the kill,” she says.

Per Montúfar, we’re “ditching on-the-surface connections for emotional, deep, and real bonds.” But, she also warns that this planet-sign combination can make us obsessive, controlling, and even manipulative if we’re not careful. You know that scene in Mean Girls where Cady says, “I was a woman possessed. I spent about 80% of my time talking about Regina, and the other 20% of the time, I was praying for someone else to bring her up so I could talk about her more. I could hear people getting bored with me, but I couldn’t stop.” Picture that kind of energy.

Leslie Hale, psychic astrologer at Keen.com, says that this struggle will be most difficult for both fire and air signs. While it’s important to let your guard down and be open to love, we’ll have to take care to not get too wrapped up in a shiny new relationship. With the added pressure from the holidays and the pandemic, many of us are in an extra-vulnerable state this season. Enjoy new friends and partners, but if you start to notice some of the warning signs Cady talks about — spending all your time thinking about the person, not being able to stop talking about them — focus on bringing balance back into your social life.

There’s a silver lining: sag season. “Luckily, the sun will be entering Sagittarius on the same day Venus enters Scorpio, balancing the water element by adding fire and optimism to the mix,” Hale explains. The sign of the archer should help keep Venus in Scorpio from becoming too hot to handle.

Make sure to mark your calendars for November 27, with a note reminding you to be flexible. This is when Venus will form an opposition to Uranus, the planet of unexpected changes, in Taurus, which Montúfar says will bring surprises in love. These changes may be positive, though not necessarily enjoyable: “This aspect could bring a separation that has been long overdue,” she says, adding, “it could also spark intense passions that could feel almost fated.” This could be the very transit that turns your love life into an IRL Hallmark holiday movie — as long as you’re open to it. (But, Hale says, the changes brought about by Uranus transits tend to be short-lived, so this might not be a forever love.)

Feel like a lot to take in? This transit isn’t really as dark as it seems. Right now, we all have the capacity to feel closer to our fellow humans — a very holiday-ish sentiment, and one that’s welcome after so many months of rigorous social distancing, when even gathering around a friendsgiving table is a non-starter. Yes, we’ll have to be sure not to get carried away. But hopefully, we’ll spend this transit feeling closer to our favorite people than ever before.

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Even The CDC Wants You To Cancel Your Thanksgiving Travel Plans

November 19, 2020BruceDayne

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Thanksgiving week is one of the busiest travel times of the year — and while the holidays are usually spent celebrating with friends and family, the COVID-19 pandemic has put a wrench in those plans for many. Any kind of holiday travel or exposure to others could mean exposure to the virus, and according to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), cases of the virus are growing exponentially. This is serious — so serious, in fact, that the CDC is begging you to stay home this year.

“In the last week, we’ve seen over a million new cases,” Erin Sauber-Schatz, head of the CDC’s Community Interventions and Critical Populations Task Force, said on a call today, according to NBC News. “Thanksgiving is a week away.”

While staying home is not a requirement, it’s a strong recommendation, according to Henry Walke, MD, the CDC’s COVID-19 incident manager. “Right now, especially as we’re seeing this sort of exponential growth in cases, and the opportunity to translocate disease or infection from one part of the country to another, it leads to our recommendation to avoid travel at this time,” he said on the same call, according to NBC News.

The CDC’s Thanksgiving guidelines were updated today, and they currently say that the safest way to celebrate Thanksgiving this year is to celebrate at home with the people you live with. If you decide to ignore the recommendations of doctors and epidemiologists who study diseases for a living, then they’re urging you to travel and gather as safely as possible for Thanksgiving and the upcoming holidays. Meaning: Taking a road trip over plane travel, strategically quarantine and test, social distance, wear a mask, wash your hands — the whole nine yards. And, if you’re going to gather with people outside fo your household, the CDC recommends taking your celebrations outdoors. Even then, you should still be social distancing and wearing a mask.

It’s not just the CDC asking you to take this deadly virus seriously, either. The American Hospital Association, American Medical Association, and American Nurses Association came together to publish an open letter today, saying: “In the strongest possible terms, we urge you to celebrate responsibly. We are all weary and empathize with the desire to celebrate the holidays with family and friends, but given the serious risks, we underscore how important it is to wear masks, maintain physical distancing, and wash your hands. Following these science-based, commonsense measures is the best way to prevent our health care systems and dedicated health care professionals from being overwhelmed by critically ill patients.”

“This sucks,” Jessica Malaty Rivera, MS, infectious disease epidemiologist and science communication lead at The COVID Tracking Project, previously told Refinery29. “Nobody is denying that this is horrible, and it should not have gotten this out of control and this bad. The fact that we are nearing 100,000 cases per day in November is bananas.” And she’s right. It’s understandable that after a year as tumultuous and stressful as 2020, the upcoming holidays feel like a welcome reprieve — but realizing that your actions could potentially put someone else in danger should make you pause and reconsider your holiday plans.

With two new promising vaccines on the horizon and a new at-home testing kit gaining FDA-approval, things are looking up — and this won’t last forever. Staying home and staying safe might sound like a bummer, but in the end, it could save lives. When you put that into perspective, spending Thanksgiving alone doesn’t seem quite so bad.

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The FDA Just Authorized The First At-Home COVID Test

November 18, 2020BruceDayne

#DMTBeautySpot #beauty

A medical worker takes a nasal swab sample from a student to test for COVID-19 at the Brooklyn Health Medical Alliance urgent care pop up testing site as infection rates spike on October 8, 2020 in New York City. – New York’s governor announced earlier in the week tough new restrictions in several areas recording high infection rates to try to ward off a second coronavirus wave. (Photo by Angela Weiss / AFP) (Photo by ANGELA WEISS/AFP via Getty Images)

At the clinic near me that provides COVID-19 testing, lines have been growing by the day. My friends report waiting an hour, two hours, or even longer to access a test — and they’re not alone. With the holidays around the corner, many Americans are rushing to get tested, and wait times are increasing. But an easier way is on the horizon: Today, the U.S. Food and Drug Administration announced that they’ve issued an emergency use authorization (EUA) for the first at-home COVID-19 test. Even better, it provides results in just 30 minutes.

The test is called the Lucira COVID-19 All-In-One Test Kit, developed by California-based company Lucira Health. It’s only meant to be used at home on people age 14 and older (if you’re younger, a medical professional has to administer it). And while this approval is great news, the catch is that most of us can’t order it up quite yet. For now, only patients of Northern California’s Sutter Health and South Florida’s Cleveland Clinic will have access to the test in the near future, according to Lucira. The rest of us are going to have to wait until the spring. The test has also been approved for use in settings such as doctor’s offices, hospitals, urgent care centers and emergency rooms.

Yes, that’s a big bummer. But the EUA is still good news — we just have to look at the long game. “Now, more Americans who may have COVID-19 will be able to take immediate action, based on their results, to protect themselves and those around them,” said Jeff Shuren, MD, director of FDA’s Center for Devices and Radiological Health, in the FDA’s press release announcing the EUA.

The at-home test is a nose swab, like the in-office ones. You’ll swab your nose, swirl the self-collected sample in a vial, then place the vial into a battery-operated test unit that will reveal your results. The at-home test was compared to a super-reliable test that’s already on the market, and the two options agreed 94.1% of the time for positive results, and 98% of the time for negative results, according to Lucira Health.

This test is a big deal. There are a handful of FDA-approved COVID tests on the market that can be administered at-home, but they all need to be shipped elsewhere for processing. This is the first option approved that shares your results at home, as well. These tests aren’t quite as reliable or accurate as laboratory tests, but they are much more convenient.

While it’s frustrating that we can’t utilize this at-home test right away, this news — along with the positive Moderna and Pfizer vaccine results — is promising, and hopefully, a sign that we will get on the other side of this thing sooner rather than later.

COVID-19 has been declared a global pandemic. Go to the CDC website for the latest information on symptoms, prevention, and other resources.

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How To Spend Thanksgiving Alone & Love Every Minute

November 18, 2020BruceDayne

#DMTBeautySpot #beauty

This may be the year of the solo Thanksgiving dinner. Plenty of people are pretty happy about not having to go home for the holidays. Even those who would rather avoid their families, though, might be feeling apprehensive about spending the actual holiday alone. All those warm-and-gushy movies on TV can make a turkey dinner for one seem kind of sad, after all, no matter how determined you are to prevent the spread of COVID-19.

“Loneliness can be especially challenging during the holidays because they’re times that we typically think about spending with other people,” Nicole Beurkens, PhD, a clinical psychologist, explains to Refinery29.

Of course, it’s totally possible to have the best Thanksgiving of your life, while also seeing literally no one (or maybe just a roommate or partner) — it just takes a little prep work, Dr. Beurkens says, and now is the time to start. Here, her best tips.

Use technology to your advantage

Remember last year, when we all resolved to be less tech-connected during 2020. Lol. Anyway, your phone is the best way to stay connected to the people who are meaningful to you this year, Dr. Beurkens says. Schedule a quick call or FaceTime with the people you love, so you can feel a little less lonely. Make sure to set it up ahead of time, so you can definitely connect.

Focus on practicing gratitude

I can’t be the only one whose family goes around the dinner table saying what they’re thankful for each Turkey Day. Do the same thing, but solo, Dr. Beurkens suggests. It will pay off: Participating in gratitude writing exercises as part of therapy has long-lasting positive impacts on your mental wellbeing, according to study out of Indiana University. In it, 293 people who were entering psychotherapy for depression and/or anxiety reported better mental health statuses for weeks after a gratitude writing practice.

The key: Don’t try to conjure up random stuff you feel thankful for, and don’t list things that you know you should be grateful for, if you don’t truly feel connected to it. Instead, try to pay attention to the little moments or joys in your life that truly make you feel happy — the warm cup of tea you’re drinking right now; the day off work; your favorite movie on TV; your group text and all your friends who have checked in. You can write down a list of what you’re grateful for on a piece of paper, jot it down in the Notes app of your phone, or just spend some dedicated time meditating on your gratitude.

Do something for others

Volunteering will look different this year, due to the pandemic. So think outside the box: Send flowers to a senior center, write cards to people in need, purchase holiday gifts for needy families, donate cash. There’s reason to get creative. Not only do these actions help others, they also help you have a more joyous solo holiday. “When we’re feeling really alone we focus on our own stuff. That can feel overwhelming,” Dr. Beurkens explains. “But when we reach out and focus on what we can do to have a positive impact on other people, that has a positive impact on us too.”

Maybe stay off social media

Ultimately, this one is a personal choice. Be honest with yourself: Do you tend to experience severe FOMO? If so, spend a day off the ‘gram. “It may be helpful for some people to avoid scrolling on social media if they’re going to be confronted by lots of pictures of things they’re missing out on or people celebrating in ways they wish they could be,” Dr. Beurkens says. “That comparison could be the thief of our own joy in that moment.”

Instead of mindlessly scrolling, focus on watching your favorite show, reading a new book, or even just taking a nap. The jury’s out on TikTok though — a random tarot card pull may be just what you need.

Don’t ignore your true feelings

Please, don’t put any pressure on yourself to have the Best Thanksgiving Ever to mask feelings of sadness and loneliness. If there’s just one good thing about spending the holidays alone, it’s that we should be free of unrealistic expectations! “People should allow themselves a little bit of time to honor and acknowledge however they’re feeling about [being alone],” Dr. Beurkens says. “If they’re feeling sad about it or disappointed or frustrated with it, it’s okay to let yourself acknowledge that.”

The flip side of this is that wallowing in your feelings isn’t helpful either, Dr. Beurkens points out. So here’s the key: Acknowledge how you feel. Spend a few minutes sitting with those feelings. Then, ask yourself: ‘How can I make the best of this?’ or “How can I support myself?’ Get into the solution, and find a positive distraction. My favorite is turning on Friends, a perfect mindless TV show. I’d recommend checking out our list of Thanksgiving episodes, ranked, to start your binge.

Do whatever you want to do

You know how sometimes you find yourself with a random free day? (This poem that I saw on the subway pre-COVID sums it up best.) A whole 24 hours, with no plans, nowhere to be, no one to see — bliss. Tap into that secretive joy on your solo Thanksgiving. “You don’t have to compromise with other people about what you’re going to do,” Dr. Beurkens says. “You can truly make it a day filled with things that you enjoy and what bring you satisfaction and enjoyment.”

If you want to spend the entire day in your pajamas, watching movies, and eating ice cream out of the carton, then do it! If you spend a few hours cooking the traditional Thanksgiving food you’d eat with your family, then have a Zoom dinner, you can do that too. There’s no right or wrong way to celebrate the holidays by yourself. It’s all about what brings you joy that day — even if it means doing absolutely nothing.

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The Magical New Moon In Scorpio Is Just What We Need

November 16, 2020BruceDayne

#DMTBeautySpot #beauty

new moon rising in the desert sky in White Sands National Monument

Full moons get a lot of attention, but over the past few months, I’ve been paying more attention to new moons. They’re all about new beginnings, which I think we’ve all been craving, amid an on-going pandemic and a contentious election season. And November 15’s new moon in the brave and ambitious sign of Scorpio is especially potent for those of us looking to start fresh.

Pluto, the planet of regeneration and transformation, will be front and center during this celestial happening. “In modern astrology, this moon is ruled by Pluto, which will be activated by the moon in a sextile, helping us find renewal as we begin to integrate all the change that’s been taking place,” Narayana Montúfar, senior astrologer for Astrology.com, tells Refinery29.

“There’s a lot of healing to do, and this moon brings not only that, but also the promise of growth and more abundance, brought to us by magnanimous Jupiter,” she continues. In other words, this luminary is bringing along some good vibes.

It may also stir up some jealousy, cautions astrologer Lisa Stardust. “This is because expansive Jupiter and evocative Pluto will be in aspect to the New Moon,” she explains. “This will make us extra desirous and competitive with others.” Jealousy has negative connotations, but you can stay on its good side: Use it as the push you need to start new projects, work hard, and make your goals more attainable.

This new moon also has something to say about our bank accounts too, Stardust says. “Scorpio is the sign of taxes,” she explains, “So it may be time to slow down the holiday spending and try to purchase gifts on a budget.” Pledge to make gifts at home this year, set a budget, or plan a Secret Santa so each person in your group gets one really great gift. After a tumultuous year, during which many people lost their jobs, everyone will appreciate switching their focus away from the material and to fostering connections with our friends and family over the holidays.

This new moon is a magical time, says Montúfar. Mystical Neptune in Pisces is making an appearance, and the holiday season always feels a little extraordinary. “This is enhancing our psychic abilities and imagination,” she explains. “Visualizing, drawing, and even writing about our deepest wishes and desires during this time can certainly help them come to fruition.”

In other words: It’s an incredible time to take a whack at manifesting. Set your intentions for the rest of the year. What do you want to accomplish? What do you want to focus on as the year comes to a close? Montúfar says that we can use this energy to break old habits and replace them with new ones (kind of like we did with our president).

So yes, new moons aren’t as immediately attention-grabbing as a beautiful and bright full moon. But you’re starting to see their appeal, right? During this moon phase, when the orb is hidden in the night sky, we’re being given an incredibly powerful — and much-needed — opportunity to reset. Here’s to walking into the rest of the month with more peace, joy, and drive.

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