Twenty-three years after Ross first shouted, “We were on a break!” in an episode of Friends, people are still debating what, exactly, taking a break means. Is “a break” just a gentler word for a total, if possibly temporary, breakup, which is how Ross took it? Or is “a break” a period of time in which you don’t see each other, but you don’t sleep with other people, which is what Rachel thought? Ross and Rachel make it clear: If you don’t define what “taking a break” actually means, that break can very quickly turn into a breakup. Not to mention the seven seasons of drama that followed.

So, Ross and Rachel are clearly an example of what not to do. But does taking a relationship break ever work? Ross and Rachel did end up getting back together, after all. But perhaps because no one can agree on what “taking a break” means, there hasn’t been a lot of research into the pros and cons of doing so. But one 2009 study of on-again, off-again relationships among college students found that on-off couples were more likely to report negative experiences, including communication problems and uncertainty, and less likely to report positive feelings, including love and understanding from partners, than other types of couples. And a 2004 study of young adults found that only one-third of couples who broke up and got back together again actually stayed together in the long term. 

That said, relationship experts say that there’s a right and a wrong way to take a break — and that taking a break can even be beneficial for a relationship, depending on the situation. And if taking a break does lead to a breakup, who’s to say that that’s a bad outcome? Ending a relationship that’s not working for you is a good thing.

So if you want to take a relationship break that’s actually helpful, here’s how to do it.

Agree on what “a break” means

 Learn from Ross and Rachel and define “a break.” Talk with your partner and agree on ground rules: Can you have sex with other people? Can you date other people? How often will you communicate or see each other, if at all? Will you unfollow each other on social media? Can you discuss the break with mutual friends? How about your families? This will be a hard conversation, but setting boundaries before you begin will make the actual break so much easier.

Work out the logistics

When you date someone for a while, your lives become super-interwoven. So in addition to having the “can we kiss other people?” talk, it’s a good idea to also have one big conversation up front where you work out all the details about what the more boring, “adult” stuff will look like post-break. If you live together, work out a schedule for who sleeps on the couch when. Decide whether you guys are still chill sharing a Netflix account. Pick one of you to go to that Zoom happy hour your mutual friends invited you both to last month.

The more you can decide up front, the better, since it’s best to limit contact on your break (according to Callie and Arizona’s therapist on Grey’s Anatomy, anyway). Of course, shared living situations can really complicate things, so don’t go into this lightly and create a detailed plan first.

Focus on yourself

Liz Goldwyn, founder of  The Sex Ed, a multimedia platform for sex, health and consciousness education, tells Refinery29 that taking a break can be an opportunity to evaluate your own needs. “I’ve found with relationships that timing can be everything. People aren’t always in the same place with their needs and desires (commitment level, ambition, etc.),” she says.

As for the break? “It is not the end of the world to come apart to focus on yourself, your needs, and your evolution while letting your partner do the same. You may find yourselves closer than before, or come to a clarity you wouldn’t have been able to if you didn’t have space to breathe — remember that what keeps a flame burning is oxygen.” Now is the time to think about your needs and what you want out of your future, maybe with the help of a therapist. And this is a good time to order your favorite take-out and binge-watch that TV show your partner hates, too.

Evaluate the relationship

Getting some distance can help give you perspective on your relationship, Lisa Brateman, LCSW, a psychotherapist and relationship specialist in New York City, previously told Refinery29. “Taking a break can promote self-awareness when you’re removed from the situation of toxicity, and what’s not going right,” she said. “A break means some part of the relationship has to change, or it won’t survive.” Getting some space might help you evaluate your relationship with new eyes: How do you feel when you’re not seeing your partner regularly?

Make a plan

Sometimes, you need to do some work individually to be able to work better as partners, Anita Chlipala, LMFT, a relationship expert in Chicago, previously told Refinery29.  For some couples that break up and then get back together, “it wasn’t that they weren’t a good fit, they just needed some information and skills to make their relationship work,” she said. “There should be a purpose to the break, and there should be things both partners should work on.”

For example, maybe you decide to attend therapy separately to figure out what you need in a relationship, or learn how to effectively communicate what you want. Chlipala says that after the break, you should be able to answer one big question: “What will be different?”

Reassess the relationship

When you begin the break, agree that after a certain amount of time — say, a month — the break will end. At that point, you and your partner will reassess your relationship. Whether you decide to stay together, break up, or even to extend the break for another month because you need more time to figure things out, it will be better than being in relationship limbo.

Take action

Maybe, during the break, you realize that the relationship isn’t working for you and you decide to end it. Tell your partner, and then begin focusing on reflecting and recovering.

But maybe you decide that you want to continue the relationship. For the break to be beneficial, you need to take action. Whether that’s beginning couples therapy, working on your communication skills, or something else, you don’t want the relationship to look exactly the way it did before. Something has to change, and now’s the time to make that happen.

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As if 2020 isn’t already shaping up to be stressful enough, it’ll be a day longer than last year. That’s right — 2020 is a Leap Year, and we’ll see February 29 appear on our calendars for the first time since 2016. 

In numerology, every number has a spiritual significance, and practitioners believe that recognizing the symbology and patterns of numbers can enrich their lives. Every number, including a date, can be boiled down to a single-digit numeral from one to nine. Each of these has a spiritual meaning. Additionally, the numbers 11, 22, and 33 are seen as special “Master Numbers.”

This year’s Leap Day has a numerological meaning of 8, explains Mary Shannon, author of the Witch’s Book of Love. Here’s how you get there: 2/29/2020 turns into 2 + 2 + 9 + 2 + 0 + 2 + 0 = 17, which turns into 1 + 7 = 8. 

“8 has a numerological meaning relating to abundance, balance and harmony,” Shannon tells Refinery29. “If you have a project that you want to see grow and expand, this would be the day to work on it.”

However, if you also follow astrology, we’ve got some bad news. “Don’t try starting any new projects as Mercury will be in retrograde during this time, so stick to projects already underway,” Shannon says.

Leap Days are special in numerology for another reason too. “They have the vibration of the number 11 (2 + 9 = 11) in them, which is a significant spiritual number in numerology,” Shannon explains. In fact, it’s a Master Number. “They are a good time to focus on whatever spiritual tradition that you are drawn to and spend some time contemplating the nature of reality and existence.”

If you don’t have plans for February 29, try setting aside some time to reflect. “Since Leap Years come once every four years, the energy of the date itself acts as a sort of portal or empty space in the normal pattern of our lives,” Shannon says. “It offers a vibratory opportunity to experience an energy that isn’t always common. You can use the energy of this Leap Year to find a balance within your life, between your practical everyday reality and your intuitive and spiritual life.”

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Over the past few months, you might have seen plenty of diamond rings, ear-to-ear smiles, and custom couple hashtags on the ‘gram as engagement season did its thing. Love is in the air! But we have some not-so-great news for everyone who’s starting their wedding countdown right now.

According to astrologer Susan Miller of Astrology Zone, Venus and Mars will retrograde during peak wedding dates this year — Venus from May 13 to June 25, and Mars from September 9 to November 13— and that spells disaster for a marriage.

Miller shared this info at a recent panel called “2020 & The Stars,” moderated by Ophira Edut of the AstroTwins, at the Moxy East Village in New York. Along with fellow astrologers Colin Bedell of Queer Cosmos, Mecca Woods of My Life Created, and Nadiya Shah, Miller discussed what the planets have in store for the year ahead.

Most of the audience seemed unperturbed, but I was so shocked by Miller’s wedding season bombshell that I called her up afterwards to get more information.

Venus represents affection, and if the planet of love is moving backwards when you tie the knot, “that’s the birth of your marriage,” Miller says. “It affects you, it’s in the DNA of your marriage. You don’t want it to be a low-affection marriage.” 

On the other hand, Mars rules our sex lives — and marrying while the red planet is in retrograde means your future between the sheets will be pretty lackluster. “It would be bad,” Miller says. “It’s a marriage where the sex isn’t good.”

She clarifies that, for both Venus and Mars retrograde, you won’t see the effects immediately — you’ll probably still have a honeymoon period. But marrying while these two planets are in backwards motion is bad news for your relationship over the long-term.

As if these two planets weren’t enough, Miller advises avoiding marrying during Mercury retrograde, too — this year, that’s February 16 to March 9, June 17 to July 12, and October 13 to November 3. “Mercury is contracts, and weddings are contracts,” she explains. 

If you’ve already planned your dream wedding on one of these unlucky dates, don’t cancel it. “What you’re going to do is you’re going to go to City Hall. You’re not going to tell your mother, you’re not going to tell your friends, and you’re going to celebrate it on the big day, the day you walk down the aisle,” Miller advises. 

But if you want to circumvent disaster, that trip to City Hall does have to include a legally binding marriage. “A lot of people say, Oh, I’ll go get the license. No, you have to actually get married,” she says. “And you’re getting married earlier, so this could end up being good for tax reasons.”

If you haven’t chosen your wedding date yet, Miller suggests consulting with a professional astrologer, because there are many factors to keep in mind. Generally, it’s considered lucky to get married near one partner’s birthday, because the position of the sun will be near where it is in their natal chart. But you also want to keep Mercury, Venus, and Mars in mind, as well as the angles the planets make with each other and what they signify. 

“Don’t try this at home,” Miller says. “This is the kind of year that’s a good strong year, but there are billions of potholes.”

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Ready to feel all the feelings? After a month in aloof Aquarius, the sun is moving into watery Pisces on February 18, where it will stay until March 19. (Note: Despite containing the word “aqua” and being represented by the Water Bearer, Aquarius is an air sign, not a water sign.) 

During Aquarius season, we might have felt a bit detached from our emotions. The intellectual Water Bearer prioritizes the head over the heart, and values unique ways of thinking. On the other hand, Pisces has a reputation for being particularly emotional. While Pisces aren’t weeping on the subway every single day, there’s a grain of truth to the stereotype — and we’ll all be feeling some of that Piscean energy while the sun is in the sign of the Fish. 

Along with emotions, Pisces is known for being artistic, intuitive, and empathetic, and we’ll benefit from those energies, too. This might be a good time to work on a creative project or bond with your friends.

However, Mercury will be retrograde for most of Pisces season, from February 16 to March 9. During this period, we’ll be prone to errors of communication, technology, and planning. It’s the first Mercury retrograde transit of the year — the next won’t happen til June.

“Mercury retrograde will consume most of Pisces season, making it an emotionally confusing time. We also have some emotional setbacks as we swim through the mystical and intuitive waters of winter,” astrologer Lisa Stardust tells Refinery29.

The other planets also play a role, in particular, Jupiter. “What makes this Pisces season different from the last is that the planetary ruler of Pisces, Jupiter, is now in Capricorn, which adds a tougher and more assertive vibe to the Piscean energy,” Stardust explains. 

All in all, this Pisces season might require some effort, but it will likely pay off. “We will be more drawn to making relationships and projects work while we reassess our incentives and passions,” Stardust says. 

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The first Mercury retrograde of the year — and decade — begins on February 16. The first planet from the sun has been moving through Pisces since February 3. On the 16th, it will begin to move backwards in its orbit, as seen from our perspective here on Earth.

While it’s retrograding, Mercury will re-enter Aquarius on March 4. Then, after the planet begins to move forward again on March 9, it will return to the sign of the Fish on March 16.

In astrology, Mercury rules communication, technology, and travel, so when it retrogrades, prepare for these areas to get a little messed up. Think exes in your DMs, social media platforms going down, and missing your flight. 

However, we’ve got some good news: This Mercury retrograde will be the easiest of the three we’ll experience in 2020. “Out of the three times Mercury is going to be retrograde this year — it will also retrograde in the summer and in the fall — this retrograde is Pisces is the most positive one,” says Narayana Montufar, senior astrologer at Astrology.com and Horoscope.com. 

That’s because Mercury is in its fall in Pisces, meaning the pair aren’t a natural fit. “While it is true that Mercury’s logical and analytical capabilities will be debilitated during these three weeks, this retrograde won’t be as bad because the degree in which Mercury will station retrograde is a degree ruled by Venus, according to ancient astrology,” Montúfar says.

We have Venus to thank for making this retrograde relatively easy. “This retrograde will be infused with the positive, pleasurable vibes of Venus…yay!” Montúfar says. “Yes, there will be the classical misunderstandings and technological glitches, and when we communicate, it will feel like we are talking underwater. So, when frustration knocks at our door, the best thing we can do is take a bath, go for a walk on the beach, watch a movie, or even better — do something creative.”

The worst of the retrograde will come while Mercury moves back into Aquarius. Astrologer Lisa Stardust explains, “This time around, Mercury will turn retrograde during its swim in the reflective waves of Pisces and head back into Aquarius, which will cause confusion around our emotions and intuition.”

She adds, “Lies will be exposed and receptions revealed, due to elusive Neptune’s heavy hand in this transit. Paranoias will reach a peak high. Grounding exercises and meditations are key to help us all get through this emotionally charged and confusing time.”

Despite all the panic, astrologers advise that this much-maligned transit can actually be useful. As Montúfar explains, “Mercury retrogrades are the opportunities the universe gives us to slow down in order to reflect, redo, rethink, and reconceptualize important things in our lives. And when we consciously listen to this call instead of freaking out, we can actually make these retrogrades work for us instead of against us.”

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From Jennifer Lopez to Barack Obama, we know that Leos love the spotlight. And with the full moon in the sign of the Lion on February 8, it’s time for all of us to embrace our inner Leos and celebrate ourselves — even if we don’t have any major Leo placements.

February’s full moon is traditionally called the Snow Moon because — you got it — it’s snowy outside. (Or at least it used to be, before the climate crisis was as bad as it is now.) According to The Old Farmer’s Almanac, it’s also sometimes called the Hunger Moon, the Shoulder to Shoulder Around the Fire Moon, the No Snow in the Trails Moon, and the Bone Moon.

In astrology, full moons represent completion. They offer a great time to look back at all you’ve accomplished since the new moon was in that sign, about six months earlier. “Reflecting the light of the Aquarius sun, this full moon will bring the awareness that some of our past contributions to our community are helping us shine,” Narayana Montúfar, senior astrologer at Astrology.com and Horoscope.com, tells Refinery29.

“The Leo-Aquarius axis is about bringing heart and mind together as we realize that, to live a truly fulfilling life, we must balance how we strive to assert ourselves (Leo) with what we do for others (Aquarius),” she continues. “And let’s face it, the balance has been off-kilter for most of us lately. The heavy presence of planets in Capricorn has been making us work hard and stick our nose to the grindstone — and although this influence is not over yet, this full moon is the perfect window of opportunity to celebrate ourselves, as well as what we have accomplished so far.”

Putting ourselves first might not be easy, but it will be worth it. “Forming a tense square with asteroid Vesta in materialistic Taurus, this moon’s influence could play out as a guilt trip for putting ourselves first, but luckily, the balancing energy of asteroid Juno makes its presence by a harmonious sextile to help us realize that at the end of the day, having our five minutes of fame does bring us emotional comfort and security,” Montúfar explains. “Finally, this full moon is forming a gorgeous trine aspect to Mars in Sagittarius, gifting us with 20/20 vision as we see the big picture and find the courage to keep leading with our heart. Overall, the weekend of this full moon is perfect the perfect time to celebrate ourselves!”

And part of celebrating yourself is making moves to improve yourself. “The Full Snow Moon sounds more chilly than it actually is. In fact, it’s a very powerful time to take action and make moves in our lives,” astrologer Lisa Stardust says. “This luminary will give us all the strength and passion needed to implement our dreams into reality — as well as giving ourselves the motivation to release outdated situations and relationships.”

Whatever you’re focused on, the path for success will be clear. “We will decide to make decisions due to our intuition and emotions, which is common during a full moon. We can see the truth and go after our dreams,” Stardust says. “As long as we focus on ourselves, we will achieve optimal success.”

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After traveling through emotional Pisces, Venus will enter fiery Aries on February 7. As the baby of the zodiac, Aries is known for impulsivity, directness, and a quick temper. With the planet of love in the sign of the Ram until March 4, our love lives are about to get a little more dramatic.

While Venus is in Aries, “We will work hard for love and money by giving our absolute all to both endeavors,” astrologer Lisa Stardust tells Refinery29. “Venus in Aries will bring many fireworks, sparks, and meltdowns this year due to the Nodal square, Saturn, and Pluto’s place in the sky.”

Expect to have a lot to tell your group chat about. “We may feel torn between two lovers, stuck between a rock and a hard place, or emotionally ignored,” Stardust says. “Venus in Aries like to fight a good fight and plead their case for attention, so be careful and respectful of others and demand the same in return.”

In astrology, Aries is ruled by Mars; the red planet also influences our sex lives. So while Venus is in this sign, expect sparks to fly. “Love energy will be more energetic, direct, and exciting,” Leslie Hale, psychic astrologer at Keen.com, tells Refinery29. “We will feel more passionate and action oriented toward those we love, and those we are interested in getting to know.”

Expect to feel impulsive during this transit. “Venus in Aries makes us bolder, or in some cases even impatient, when it comes to love,” Hale says. “Aries likes to live in the moment rather than the past or the future. Aries energy (like Aries people) can be quite blunt.”

She adds, “Aries energy is enthusiastic and upbeat, and Aries does like the chase. Aries energy does not work well with those who like to cling, and neither does suspicion and jealousy. Be bold and direct over this next month and you may surprise yourself, as well as others.”

If you fall for someone new during this time, be ready to DTR ASAP. “If you meet someone while Venus is in Aries, in all likelihood they will want to move on the relationship immediately without wasting time,” Hale adds. 

On the other hand, on February 28, Venus and Pluto will line up in such a way that you might find yourself breaking up rather than settling down. “When these two planets clash, some very intense feelings may surface,” Hale says. “At this time, unresolved issues in the relationship may arise, but if both individuals are mature, it can be a turning point and the relationship can become stronger. On the other hand, some relationships may end, but only if it is unhealthy and tottering on the edge anyway.”

Whatever happens over the following weeks, it’ll be very different from the last few weeks. Hale explains, “This energy can be fresh and exhilarating and a major change from Venus in Pisces over the past month.”

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Just days after making history as the youngest person ever to win Song Of The Year at the Grammys, Billie Eilish is making her Vogue cover debut. In the accompanying interview, the 18-year-old singer opens up about her experiences with depression, self-harm, and suicidal thoughts.

In the profile, Eilish explained that she’s always been fascinated by dark subjects. At age 11, for instance, she wrote a song about suicidal thoughts — even though, according to the performer, the song didn’t reflect her own experiences. “That was the song, at 11,” she said. “And I was totally happy. I had never felt suicidal, and I didn’t want to feel that way, but I liked the idea of writing a song about something I didn’t know about.”

When she was in her early teens, however, that changed. The singer was diagnosed depression, and she self-harmed and experienced suicidal thoughts. She said there were a number of contributing factors, including a romantic partner who treated her badly, a toxic friend group, and a dance injury. But the primary one, she said, was her body image.

“I just hated my body. I would have done anything to be in a different one,” she said. “I really wanted to be a model, really bad, and I was chubby and short. I developed really early. I had boobs at nine. I got my period at 11. So my body was going faster than my brain. It’s funny, because when you’re a little kid, you don’t think of your body at all. And all of a sudden, you look down and you’re, like, whoa. What can I do to make this go away?” 

After a while, Eilish began to make changes in her life to improve her mental health — changes “that she prefers to keep private,” Vogue writer Rob Haskell explains. (Eilish has previously spoken about benefiting from therapy.) By June 2019, “the fog began to lift,” Haskell writes about the singer. 

Eilish also shared an important piece of advice for people in similar situations. “When people ask me what I’d say to somebody looking for advice on mental health, the only thing I can say is patience,” she said. “I had patience with myself. I didn’t take that last step. I waited. Things fade.”

If you or someone you know is thinking about suicide or considering self-harm, please get help. Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.

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Mercury retrograde is coming soon — but before that, the planet of communication enters dreamy Pisces on February 3. And at the same time, on February 2, the Mercury retrograde pre-shadow is beginning.

Mercury is considered in its “fall” in Pisces, “meaning that it is its least comfortable sign to be in,” explains Narayana Montúfar, senior astrologer at Astrology.com and Horoscope.com. However, it’s not all bad. “While it is true that Mercury’s logical and analytical capabilities will be debilitated, this retrograde won’t be as bad because the degree in which Mercury will station retrograde is a degree ruled by Venus, according to ancient astrology,” she says. The planet of love’s influence will help mitigate the negative effects of the retrograde.

Pisces is known for emotion, creativity, and intuition, and as Mercury moves through this sign, “it’ll make us all extra dreamy and sentimental,” astrologer Lisa Stardust says. 

Neptune’s position in the cosmos will affect this transit, too. “Our emotions will deepen throughout the next month, as Neptune comes to align with Mercury,” Stardust says. “Confusion will consume our minds and we may feel gaslighted by others, or conversely gaslight people. Our brains may feel a little foggy. But, we can prevail as long as we don’t let our anxieties get the best of us.”

Before Mercury retrograde begins on February 16, we’ll experience a pre-retrograde shadow, which begins on February 2, right before Mercury moves from Aquarius into Pisces. During this time, we’ll begin to see the effects of the retrograde begin. “This marks the beginning of our personal retrograde stories,” Stardust explains. “Keep your eyes and ears open for any strange behavior and bizarre information.”

After Mercury retrograde begins “in full force,” as Stardust puts it, expect the usual miscommunications, travel mishaps, and technology glitches. While it’s retrograding, Mercury will move back into Aquarius on March 4. Mercury moves direct again on March 9, and moves back into Pisces in March 16. And then there’s the post-retrograde shadow to deal with, which lasts until March 29.

Montúfar explains, “Out of the three times Mercury is going to be retrograde this year (it will retrograde two more times, in the summer and in the fall), this retrograde is Pisces is the most positive one.” That’s because of the planet of love.

“This retrograde will be infused with the positive, pleasurable vibes of Venus,” she says. “Yes, there will be the classical misunderstandings and technological glitches, and when we communicate it will feel like we are talking underwater. So when frustration knocks at our door, the best thing we can do is take a bath, go for a walk on the beach, watch a movie, or even better — do something creative.” 

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This weekend, the Year of the Rat begins. January 25 is the Lunar New Year, aka Chinese New Year. It marks the beginning of the lunisolar Chinese calendar, which is based on the phases of the moon and the sun’s longitude, and has been in use since the 14th century B.C.E. Although the modern Gregorian calendar is the go-to for day-to-day life, the lunisolar calendar is used to calculate festival dates, and some special occasions, such as weddings.

The Lunar New Year is also celebrated in other parts of Southeast Asia, such as Vietnam, as well as among the diaspora throughout the world, including in the United States. The New Year falls on the date of the New Moon closest to the beginning of spring, always sometime between January 21 and February 21. It’s also called Spring Festival. Celebrations continue for 15 days, ending with the Lantern Festival.

The Chinese zodiac cycle consists of 12 animal signs, one for each lunisolar year. This upcoming cycle is the Year of the Rat, the first sign; last year was the Year of the Pig. In folklore, the Jade Emperor held a competition to decide the zodiac animals. The rat asked the ox to carry him across the river, but jumped down before the ox crossed the finish line, winning the race. 

According to the China Institute, the rat is a symbol of fertility and abundance. People born during this year (or previous Years of the Rat, such as 1984, 1996, or 2008) are believed to be intelligent, creative, and resourceful, and have the ability to form strong social bonds. 

Additionally, each sign is associated with one of five elements — and this year’s is metal. So to get specific, 2020 is also the Year of the Metal Rat. Metal symbolizes stability and longevity, and according to the Daily Telegraph, those born in 2020 will “live a stable life and have the ability turn unlucky events into fortune.”

Now, the important part: how to celebrate. “Chinese New Year is the biggest and most important holiday for Chinese people all around the world,” Yue-Sai Kan, co-chair of the China Institute, tells Refinery29. “It has always been a time of family reunion. In China, Chunyun, also known as the Spring Festival Travel Rush, is considered the biggest annual human migration on earth,” she says.

“Millions of people travel back to their hometown to be with their family for the festivities,” she adds. “Air, train, and bus tickets are sold out weeks ahead of time. In recent years, many Chinese residents actually choose to travel outside of the country for the New Year to avoid the chaos. It is estimated that three billion trips in and out of China will be made during this year’s Chunyun from January 10 to February 18!” 

The China Institute explains that in legend, a monster named Nian (whose name means “year”) is known for haunting people at the end of every lunar year. Nian is afraid of the color red and fireworks, so these both abound during Chinese New Year celebrations. Observers might also visit a family shrine or set one up in their home; display couplets and decor; attend a Lion Dance; eat symbolic, lucky foods; and give or receive red envelopes of “lucky money.” 

“Growing up in Hong Kong, my sisters and I used to celebrate the Chinese New Year by going to the flower market with our father to buy plum blossoms and narcissus flowers, which were used to decorate our home,” Kan shares. “We got to wear new clothes and ate special foods like rice cakes, fish, and dumplings that were prepared for the occasion. After we emigrated to America, we do a lot less, but one tradition I will always keep is to continue preparing red envelopes for my friends’ children that I see over the holiday,” she says.

“In the 1980s, I have fond memories of attending the live Spring Festival Gala in Beijing which aired on China Central Television every New Year’s Eve,” Kan says. “It was a great honor to be included in China’s biggest show with an audience of over one billion. Nowadays, it is very convenient for us Chinese Americans to just watch the Gala online.”

The New York City metropolitan area has the largest Chinese population in the United States (with Los Angeles at number two), and the parade and Lion Dance in Chinatown draws about 500,000 people every year, according to Newsweek. Additionally, the China Institute is throwing a family festival on February 2, and featuring other programs including a paper lantern-making workshop, a cultural seminar, and an orchestral concert. Happy New Year! 

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The first new moon of the year — and decade — is almost here. On January 24, the new moon will rise in Aquarius, a sign known for rebellion, forward-thinking, and community. In astrology, the new moon always signifies fresh starts. It’s the perfect time for introspection, reflection, and planning ahead.

During this new moon, channel some of Aquarius’ no-holds-barred nature. “January’s new moon is the perfect time to channel your inner rebel by becoming an activist,” says Narayana Montúfar, a senior astrologer at Astrology.com and Horoscope.com. “After an intense and volatile beginning to the year brought by eclipse season and the Saturn-Pluto conjunction, it’s becoming crystal-clear that in order to realign our vision as a society, each one of us needs to do something”

Aquarius is ruled by Uranus, which the new moon will square — meaning they’ll be three signs apart, an angle known to create tension. Uranus is considered rebellious and progressive, and it’s currently in Taurus. This square will “infuse us with the need for freedom at a collective level,” Montúfar says. “It’s important to mention that a square between the moon and Uranus can be intense and can make us feel a sense of urgency to the point of driving hasty action.”

This square means that we can expect the unexpected, says Lisa Stardust, an astrologer based in New York City. “When these planets square off, we can expect anything but normal to come to fruition. It’s a time to break free of the constraints and rules that hold us back,” she explains. “Transforming personal beliefs will be a core theme, as well as implementing a new vision of self. Be a rebel and a wild child. Embrace your quirks and be the real you — even if it doesn’t align with the status quo. We should try manifesting our old forgotten visions we let go of as children. Evoking the forgotten dream will serve as the missing piece of the puzzle to alleviate our minds and calm our hearts.”

Elsewhere in the cosmos, Montúfar points out that the new moon will also create positive aspects (angles at which the planets support each other), which will “pave the way for us to channel this energy constructively.” “Positively angled (in sextile) to asteroid Chiron, this new moon lends an opportunity to heal past wounds,” she says. “Also, just three days after this new moon, lovely Venus will meet with idealistic Neptune in Pisces, highlighting our collective sense of empathy and compassion as we start finding innovative solutions so we can begin to change our future… together.” Sounds like good news to us.

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Warning: Spoilers ahead for Sex Education season 2 finale, “Chapter 8.”

Sex Education’s Season 2 finale opens on a sex scene. After Lily (Tanya Reynolds) admitted that she doesn’t want to be “just friends” with Ola (Patricia Allison) at the end of Episode 7, Episode 8 opens with the new couple in bed together. But while Ola is in a striped top and jeans, Lily is decked out in a sexy alien costume (reminiscent of the costumes in the school’s outer-space Romeo & Juliet musical), complete with tentacles attached to her fingertips.  

All is going well until Ola slides a hand under Lily’s silver miniskirt. “Ow!” Lily yelps, and explains to Ola, “It’s not you, it’s me. I have something called vaginismus. My vagina’s like a Venus flytrap.”

Lily gives Ola a quick explanation of her condition, showing her a kit of five different-sized dilators that she’s supposed to insert into her vagina — though so far, she can only use the smallest one. “I think it’s because I put too much pressure on myself,” Lily says. After Ola asks, Lily explains that she does masturbate. “I just keep to the outside,” she says, which gives Ola an idea: mutual masturbation. Cut to the couple gasping in bed together as they both come.

Fans of the show are calling its portrayal of vaginismus groundbreaking — especially because it shows that the condition doesn’t have to mean the end of sexual pleasure. 

Vaginismus “is a spasm or contraction of the muscles around the vagina,” the nonprofit medical center the Cleveland Clinic explains. While it can happen during sexual activity, it can also happen while inserting a tampon or during a Pap smear. 

While the condition — including how common it is — isn’t well understood, the Cleveland Clinic notes that it’s “thought to be a psychological condition, although some physical conditions can contribute to it.” The list of potential causes includes anxiety, fear of sex, past sexual trauma, and negative emotions towards sex, as well as physical conditions including yeast infections, UTIs, vulvar vestibulitis (an inflammatory condition) and atrophic vaginitis (a painful condition caused by lack of estrogen after menopause). 

Vaginismus is treated both physically and psychologically, with counseling, Kegel exercises, pelvic floor physical therapy, and vaginal dilators. More rarely, Botox treatments are used to ease the painful spasms.

Dilators like the ones Lily uses aren’t meant to “stretch” the vagina, the Cleveland Clinic says. Instead, they help patients get familiar with the sensation: “The goal [is]… to give a woman the comfort of being able to place these safe devices both outside and inside her vagina, in the privacy of her own home.”

In 2014, Chloe Schildhause wrote a personal essay for Refinery29 about her experience with vaginismus. “While I didn’t go the Botox route myself, I did invest some time in meeting with a physical therapist who guided me through breathing techniques while I inserted dilators,” she wrote. “I then took this practice home with me; a few weeks later, I found that I was able to wear tampons for the first time. About four months later, I was able to undergo a vaginal exam. And, the following year, I was able to have sex without pain.” 

And though it’s not true for everyone, some people with vaginismus also maintain great sex lives by following Lily’s technique: focusing on the clitoris rather than penetrating the vagina.  As sex blogger Sasha Kazantseva, who is a lesbian, previously wrote for Refinery29 UK, “[I’ve had] vaginismus for the majority of my life, and I had no problems with it; I just practiced non-penetrative sex and explained it to my partners.”

Near the end of the episode, we see Lily in her bedroom by herself. After considering the smallest dilator, she instead picks up the second-smallest. To her surprise, this time, she’s able to insert it. As for what this means for her and Ola’s sex life? We’ll have to wait until Season 3 to find out.

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On January 22, we mark the 47th anniversary of Roe V. Wade. But almost half a century after the Supreme Court decision, the future of abortion access is at risk. As Planned Parenthood puts it, it’s under an “unprecedented attack.” In 2019, 25 new abortion restrictions were signed into law in 12 states, and these laws hit hardest among people of color. Abortion is not just a political talking point; it’s necessary healthcare.

Planned Parenthood teamed up with We Testify, an organization dedicated to the representation of people who’ve had abortions, to create a short film about four people who are living full, empowered lives because they had access to abortion. “Ours To Tell” was directed by Rayka Zehtabchi, who helmed the Oscar-winning short film Period: End of Sentence; produced by Ventureland in association with PRETTYBIRD; and features actress Natasha Rothwell.

“Ours To Tell” introduces us to Ylonda, Nick, Hannah, and Brittany. We see their children, partners, and pets. We hear about their spiritual and political beliefs, and we learn about the financial obstacles they’ve faced. Then, they all share why they chose abortion: 

“Something in me was always just like no, no girl. This ain’t it. You can move beyond it.” 

“I knew that I needed to be the best mother that I could be to the children I had.”

“I was just not in a place where I could physically or emotionally handle a pregnancy, let alone a child.” 

“I wasn’t ready to be a good parent.” 

“As access to abortion hangs by a thread across the country, this film tells the critical story of what’s possible when abortion is accessible,” Alexis McGill Johnson, Acting President and CEO, Planned Parenthood Federation of America, said in a statement. “People’s humanity, their right to health, and their right to live life on their own terms cannot exist without access to safe, legal abortion.”

Director Rayka Zehtabchi said that it’s necessary to feature abortion storytellers who we rarely see in media. “Film has the power to challenge the conversation around critical social issues, combat stigma, and ultimately shift culture. ‘Ours To Tell’ disrupts common misconceptions about abortion — who has access, why, and how that access can help people lead rich and strong lives,” she said.

The four storytellers share their experiences, but they also have a message for viewers, too: “To people who are seeking abortion services, you are not alone. There isn’t anything wrong with you. You deserve compassionate care, you deserve loving relationships. Most importantly, that you’re loved. You’re so loved.”

Watch the short film below. 

“Ours to Tell” shows us the world we could have — one where all people are able to access the health care they want, need, and deserve — with compassion and support. That’s the future we are fighting for. To learn more and find out what you can do, go to ourstotell.org.

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Capricorn season is ending, and Aquarius season is almost here. Symbolized by the Water Bearer, Aquarius is known for eccentricity, intellectualism, and humanitarianism. Beginning on January 20, we’ll all be experiencing some of this energy, though people with Aquarius placements will feel it most strongly.

“Aquarius season is a time when we embrace our friendships, hopes, and dreams,” says astrologer Lisa Stardust. “When the Sun moves into Aquarius, we can expect to see the world through a humanitarian lens. It marks a time of change and spark of airy ingenuity in which we give more to others than we expect in return.” For Aquarians, she says, “Giving is everything” — and we can all follow suit this time of year.

Leslie Hale, psychic astrologer at Keen.com, adds, “This season represents the dead of winter as Aquarius is a fixed sign, which means energies (and the weather) change very slowly. Aquarius energy is pioneering, brilliant, eccentric, original, standoffish, aloof and detached, and these are the energies we will be working with over the next month. We may also be more inclined to spend more time with groups and be more social than when the Sun is in Capricorn.”

The positions of the moon and the other planets, particularly Mercury (also in Aquarius) and Uranus (currently in Taurus), set us up for major changes and surprises in the upcoming month, Hale says. “All change is not bad,” she adds. “You could go in a completely new and different direction, especially if you have been feeling you are in a rut. Taking a positive attitude toward change is the most productive thing you could do, as well as being aware of how this energy operates so you are not caught by surprise.”

It’s not all good news, though. Aquarians are known for being more in touch with their minds than their hearts, and we’ll experience this, too. “The only downfall is that we may have a more aloof and cool relationship to our emotions — which will be a momentary relief, considering the Sun moves into emotional Pisces 30 days later,” Stardust says. When Pisces season begins, we can expect feelings galore, so enjoy the stoicism while it lasts!

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Mercury isn’t in retrograde — yet — but the speediest planet is moving into Aquarius, the sign of the Water Bearer, on January 16. In astrology, Mercury rules communication and expression, while Aquarius is known for an eccentric, intellectual nature. And it turns out that these two are a perfect fit. 

“Mercury is exalted in Aquarius, which means the planet functions especially well in this sign,” Stephanie Powell, Head of Content at Astrology.com and Horoscope.com, explains. “Aquarius’s logical and inventive nature is a natural fit for the planet of communication.”

During this transit, we’ll all be a little more open-minded. “When Mercury, ruler of our thought processes, communication, and opinions, travels through cool and detached Aquarius, there is a noticeable shift in our collective mental space,” Powell says. “Aquarius is known for its innovation and freedom-seeking ways, and with Mercury’s entrance into this sign, we’re more eager to introduce and accept out-of-the-box ideas. The status quo becomes boring.”

She adds, “We may find that we’re a little more opinionated and stubborn with our views, so it’s important to practice active listening during this transit. Sometimes the greatest learning can come from shifting your mindset.”

Astrologer Lisa Stardust says that we may feel a little detached during this transit — though that can work to our advantage. “Whenever Mercury enters Aquarius, it’s a time when we can sit back and view facts from afar and make decisive choices based on an indifferent perspective,” she says. “This isn’t bad. It just means we are separating emotions from facts, which will allow us to have a discerning approach to finding truths.”

This transit is the perfect time to focus on a hobby or a goal. “The good thing about this placement is that it will give us a boost to put our passion project into reality and add courageousness into manifesting our dreams,” Stardust says. 

After leaving Aquarius on February 3, Mercury will enter Pisces. But then — you’ve got it — Mercury goes retrograde on February 16 in Pisces. During its retrograde period (when the planet appears to move backwards in its orbit, as seen from our perspective on Earth), Mercury will re-enter Aquarius on March 4. Then, the planet will end its retrograde transit and begin moving direct in Aquarius on March 9, before finally re-entering Pisces on March 16. As Mercury retrogrades through these two signs, “We may facilitate from hot and cold emotions as well as uncertainty about what to bring in our lives,” Stardust says. Be prepared!

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Imagine this: You fall in love with someone who lives in a different country. He’s handsome, funny, charitable, great with kids — a true prince, if you will. But there’s one big problem: his family. The first time you attended a family Christmas party, his cousin wore a racist brooch — and you’re a woman of color. Your partner’s grandfather has a history of making racist comments, too.

That’s not all. Your new partner’s uncle has been accused of sexual assault by a woman who says she was a 17-year-old sex trafficking victim at the time. Oh, and that same uncle allegedly uses racial slurs, too. You hear a rumor that an employee of the family business was pressured to quit because he’s gay. Then, after your wedding, you get more involved with the family business yourself — but the job requires you to constantly interact with representatives from media publications who write a lot of racist, sexist, and just plain infuriating things about you. (They even take issue with you closing your own car door.) Throughout all this, your partner stands by you, but his family does nothing — even after you have a baby. You feel miserable. It’s “really challenging,” as you once tearfully put it.

Finally, after trying for more than three years to make things work, you and your partner decide to put yourselves and your eight-month-old son first. You decide to step back from the family business and move far away from this toxic mess.

By now, you’ve probably guessed that we’re talking about Meghan Markle — or as she’s now known, the Duchess of Sussex. Last week, she and Prince Harry (now the Duke of Sussex) announced that they “intend to step back as ‘senior’ members of the Royal Family and work to become financially independent, while continuing to fully support Her Majesty The Queen,” and to “balance our time between the United Kingdom and North America.” And while we don’t know that any of the above incidences informed their departure, the move definitely made us think a little harder about how the couple might have been feeling these past few years.

The decision was immediately dubbed “Megxit,” a play on “Brexit.” In a statement, the couple explained, “This geographic balance will enable us to raise our son with an appreciation for the royal tradition into which he was born, while also providing our family with the space to focus on the next chapter, including the launch of our new charitable entity.”

Critics have characterized Harry and Meghan’s decision as needlessly dramatic, and TV personality Piers Morgan even called them “spoiled brats.”

Reportedly, the Queen isn’t happy with them either; on Monday, her office put out a statement saying, “Although we would have preferred them to remain full-time working Members of the Royal Family, we respect and understand their wish to live a more independent life as a family while remaining a valued part of my family.”

But when examined from Harry’s and Meghan’s perspective, the move makes a lot of sense, says Moraya Seeger DeGeare, MA, licensed marriage and family therapist and the co-owner of BFF Therapy in Beacon, NY. “It’s really all about boundaries,” she says.

She points out that, while we don’t know the full story, it’s very likely Meghan and Harry tried to resolve the issues that led to their decision behind-the-scenes before going public with their announcement. 

DeGeare specializes in culturally diverse counseling, and she says that while some people get a sense of what they’ll be getting into with their partner’s family, others don’t realize how bad it will be before they get married. “I’ve worked with couples where it really started after the wedding,” she says. “Maybe your partner really protected you from it. Sometimes you might even be like, ‘If I had known about this, I might have made a different choice, but now we’re here.” 

If it’s simply a matter of not getting along with your in-laws, or not understanding their culture, DeGeare suggests that you “lead with empathy.” “Learning some of the traditions, or if there’s a language barrier learning some of that language, can be huge,” she says.

On your partner’s end, they should sit down with their family — and often it’s more helpful if you’re not there. “Sit down with mom or dad and say, ‘This is what I’m seeing,’ and have a heart-to-heart conversation,” she says. “The parents are more likely to talk candidly with their kid, rather than with the new spouse sitting there.”

Honesty, however, is key. “To keep the connectedness of the partnership, that spouse really needs to be open around what their limitations are, rather than trying to placate everyone,” DeGeare says. “Something I see in couple’s therapy a lot is the person will say all the right things to their partner, and then go to their mom and say all the right things to their mom, and then six months later, it blows up, and the partner feels like they were being lied to.”

It appears that Meghan and Harry weren’t just dealing with a culture clash, though — there are serious ethical concerns with the royal family’s behavior, from Prince Andrew’s alleged involvement in Jeffrey Epstein’s sex trafficking of minors to all the racism.

Setting a boundary and holding firm is a great choice, DeGeare says — and in fact, we can all take inspiration. “For couples to take a stance and say, ‘This racist comment or brooch, or that homophobic T-shirt you’re wearing, is not okay, and that’s why we’re not coming to the next family dinner,’ is the only thing that’s going to change our culture,” she says. That personal connection is vital: “Your uncle might be like, ‘All these millennials are so P.C.,’ but if his niece is saying, ‘I don’t want a relationship with you anymore because you’re really racist,’ he might actually listen.”

Similarly, stepping back from their royal duties is a logical decision — particularly taking a stance against the “Royal Rota,” the 40-year-old tradition requiring royals to give exclusive inside access to specific British media publications, including tabloids that have printed bigoted stories about Meghan. “It’s like if you had a homophobic person next to you in your cubicle and they kept making lewd comments. You might decide, Well, this paycheck’s not worth it. I care about my own existence. It’s the ultimate form of self-care.”

The newly-launched website (designed by the same company that worked with Meghan on her former blog The Tig, BTW) and statement Harry and Meghan released show that they’ve put thought into this decision, DeGeare says. “Clearly they’ve taken the time to be intentional with their actions. This isn’t, ‘We’re done!’ after getting mad over a meal. They’ve decided the consequences are worth it, otherwise, they wouldn’t do it.”  

As Harry and Meghan move forward, the most important thing they can do is to maintain their united front, DeGeare says. And the same goes for any new couple dealing with toxic in-laws. “Honor the fact that you have a couple identity now, and really daydream about what that couple identity is going to look like,” she says. “That’s going to bring you back to how you handle all these situations. Ask, ‘Does this fit in with this identity we want to form?’” And if their new website is any indication, Harry and Meghan seem to know exactly what their couple identity is — free from centuries-old traditions.

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We’ve still got a month until Valentine’s Day, but astrologically, the time for romance is already here. On January 13 Venus, the planet of love, will enter Pisces, where it will stay until February 7. This is a particularly special time: In astrological terms, we say Venus is “exalted” in Pisces, meaning that the planet is particularly well-placed in this sign. It makes sense, because Pisces’ gentle, artistic, emotional vibe is one that’s perfect for romance.

Venus’ transit through Pisces is “one of the most tender times of the year,” explains astrologer Lisa Stardust. “When Venus enters sensitive and dreamy Pisces, we’ll all be washed away by the rapturous undercurrents of love. Venus’s placement in the sign of Pisces is its favorite spot! Venus is exalted in Pisces because love has no depths here.”

During this time, embrace romance in all forms. Spend time with your partner if you have one, schedule some dates if you’re single, be generous to your friends, and make space in your life for art. “Giving all to others comes easily, as the heart has infinite depths,” Stardust says. “Music, art, creation, and emotions become very fluid in this placement, as well as the imagination.”

Stephanie Powell, head of content at Astrology.com and Horoscope.com, adds, “When Venus enters Pisces, the collective energy will shift in matters of love — we’re eager to focus on deeper, meaningful bonds. In matters of love and beauty, Venus will operate at its highest octave.”

Enjoy everything this time brings, but keep in mind that it’s akin to wearing rose-colored glasses: We’re seeing things as a little bit better as they are. “The energy is receptive, healing and compassionate, which can also have us ignoring red flags,” Powell says. “It will be a period of time that can blur our boundaries, so it will be important to be firm in maintaining and clarifying your wants and needs.”

As long as you don’t forget caution, though, go ahead and get romantic. “Venus in Pisces ultimately offers us a chance to re-connect and embrace intimacy — a few weeks where there’s no such thing as too much cuddling,” Powell says.

According to Stardust, we’ll see an even greater boost in our love lives on January 26 and 27. On January 26, Venus squares Mars, meaning that they make a particular angle that puts the planets’ energies into conflict. But with Venus ruling love and Mars ruling desire, “this will be the steamiest day of Venus in Pisces transit,” Stardust says. “Expect to feel sensual and magnetic on the 26th.” 

Then, the 27th “is the best love day of the whole year,” she says. “Neptune adds some fluff and flirtations to Venus’s beautiful imagination. We will be swept away by the dream and magic brought our way.”

Some more good news: Dating apps are particularly popular in January. Time to get swiping. 

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