Photo by Nick Fewings on Unsplash

By Jacqueline Samaroo

10 Mother’s Day Gifts Your Curly Hair Mama Will LOVE!

Mom deserves all the love we can give her and more! She also deserves to look and feel great from head to toe, inside and out. Show your curly hair Mama some love and appreciation on Mother’s Day with any (or a few) of these superb Mother’s Day gift ideas.

We’ve included items to help her:

• Nourish and protect her hair.
• Style her curly hair like a pro.
• Accessorize like the curly hair queen she is!

Be sure to check out our last two suggestions! They’ll help you pamper all of Mom’s senses – not just her sense of style.

1. SheaMoisture Green Coconut & Activated Charcoal Collection

Mom can enjoy the “purifying and hydrating” effects that come from the cleansing power of activated charcoal and antioxidant-rich green coconut. The line includes a shampoo, conditioner, exfoliating hair mud, multi-mask, in-shower styler, and buildup blaster for Mother’s Day and beyond!

2. Carol’s Daughter Almond Milk Collection

Is Mom’s hair in need of a little TLC? Give her the gift of healthier curls! Almond milk is protein-rich and works wonderfully at repairing and strengthening hair. This Mother’s Day gift collection includes a sulfate-free shampoo, conditioner, leave-in conditioner, and hair mask.

3. Curlsmith Curl Transitioning Kit

This vegan kit is a great gift for Moms with transitioning textured hair (kinky, coily, curly, or wavy). It is especially suited for dry hair and includes a cowash, deep conditioner, leave-in cream, and styling gel. They are perfect for helping Mom to give her curly hair lots of love while on her natural hair journey.

4. Pattern Intensive Conditioner Wash Day Bundle

“Great for tight textures,” this Mother’s Day bundle will help to restore Mom’s natural curl pattern with definition and bounce. The set includes a shower brush and spray bottle to use along with a shampoo, conditioner, and leave-in conditioner.

5. VICARKO Deep Conditioning Hair Steamer

If you want to pamper Mom (on Mother’s Day or whenever) but her excuse is always that she’s too busy – then this is perfect for her! This hair steamer heat cap will help her get the most out of deep conditioning without pinning her down.

6. NITION Ceramic Hair Dryer with Diffuser Attachment

Give Mom “smooth, shiny, healthy, and anti-static” hair for Mother’s Day and any day. It comes with a diffuser, comb, and concentrator attachments that she can use to get the hair effects she wants.

7. St. Maarten Pre-Folded Charmeuse LuxStretch Satin Scarf

This super-soft pre-folded scarf has smooth stretch throughout so it stays in place. It makes an awesome Mother’s day gift whether Mom is already a headscarf pro or new to the head wrapping scene!

8. African Knotted Headbands/Head Wraps

OK, so Mom LOVES headbands and likes to switch things up? Then this set of six is just what she needs. They come in either the bohemian-style prints shown here or solid vintage colors – depending on Mom’s style.

9. Lagunamoon Premium Essential Oils Set

Give Mom twenty 10-ml bottles of natural essential oils to pamper her hair and skin. They also work with aromatherapy diffusers, if she prefers using them that way. A nice thought is adding a display rack, like this wooden one from LIANTRAl, that will help her store both her essential oils and nail polish.

10. FlocentricArtStore Head Wrap Art Monochrome Print

Your curly hair Mom won’t be putting this gift in her hair but it is one we are sure she will appreciate and value. Treat Mom to this Nubian art monochrome print as a statement piece for her favorite room.

See anything you like? What will you be giving your curly hair Mom on Mother’s Day? Let us know!

12 Tips to Keep Twist Outs Looking Awesome Overnight and Longer!

The twist out is a favorite natural hair style among naturalistas. It helps to protect your textured hair and at the same time, it’s a way to show off and celebrate your curly hair. However, achieving an awesome twist out takes some effort, so getting the style to last more than just a few hours is something to really strive for.

Here are 12 tips that will help you create a twist out with greater hold so you can depend on it looking well-defined and bouncy on day 1, day 2, day 3, … you get the picture!

1. Detangle completely.

Detangling your hair fully before you do the twists will give you twist out curls that are smoother and much more defined. It will also help to reduce breakage as you twist and untwist your hair.

2. Use water.

The curls of your twist out will get better definition if you do the twists on damp or wet hair. Have a spray bottle of water on hand to spritz your hair as you go.

3. Use a butter-oil-gel combination.

This combination works to lock in moisture, add shine, and increase hold. Choose products that will also nourish your natural hair like shea or mango butter, aloe vera gel, and nutrient-rich oils, such as coconut oil or almond oil.

4. Use a curl cream.

Select a curl cream that is formulated for your natural hair type and offers some amount of hold so the curls will stay longer after you undo the twists. You can check out some awesome curl cream suggestions here.

5. Do hair in sections.

Part your hair into several smaller sections and work on one section at a time – spritzing with water, adding products, then doing the twists. This gives you better control over how much of each product you use and how well it is applied to your hair.

6. Do smaller twists.

Bigger isn’t always better. Smaller is the way to go when it comes to a twist out natural hair style that you want to last.

7. Use the right twisting technique.

Keep each strand of your two-strand twist separate all the way down to the end of the twist. If one strand seems thinner than the other as you work your way down, avoid taking hair from the other one to make up for it. It’s better to just start the twist over.

8. Coil the ends or twist them loosely.

Frizzing is the thing we fear most when it comes to keeping a twist out going for extended periods. You can minimize the chances of frizzing if you resist the urge to twist right down to the end of each twist. Try coiling it around your finger, instead.

9. Dry completely before untwisting.

Be patient! Let your twisted hair dry completely first and your twist out will be more defined and less prone to frizzing – we guarantee it!

10. Leave your twists in longer.

Keeping the twists for at least overnight is good. But, if you really want them to last, consider wearing them for a day or two before doing the twist out. Think of the twists as  one natural hair style you can rock for a while then transform into another gorgeous style!

11. Use the right separation technique.

The golden rules here are (1) Don’t over-separate and (2) Don’t over-fluff. Either one will make naturally curly hair frizzy and your style won’t last as long as you want. If you need to add some volume to your twist out, try fluffing it from the roots, instead.

12. Avoid touching your hair after separation.

Whether you think your hair looks sooo good, you simply can’t stop touching it or you think it just needs a little tiny bit of fixing here and there – hands off! The more you manipulate your twist out the less time you’ll have to enjoy it.

And don’t forget … Protect your style at night!

It’s extremely important that you protect your twist out while you sleep. You can do one or a combination of these:

1. Put your hair up in a pineapple if it is long enough.
2. Gather your hair in sections and use scrunchies or hairbands to make loose ponytails.
3. Gather your hair in sections and make large, loose twists.
4. Retwist your hair.
5. Wrap a silk or satin scarf around your edges.
6. Sleep in a silk or satin bonnet.

Do you have any other twist out tricks up your sleeve? Let us know!

Photo by Raquel Santana on Unsplash

Hair Porosity: What Is It and How Is Black Hair Affected?

By Jacqueline Samaroo

Understanding your hair is important in caring for it and getting it to look its best. Hair porosity is one characteristic of hair that is good to know. It can guide you in your choice of natural hair products and hair care routines.

What is hair porosity?

Hair porosity refers to how well the outer layer of your hair (the cuticle) lets oils and moisture into and out of your hair.

Types of hair porosity

There are three types of hair porosity: low, medium, and high.

Low porosity hair

Low porosity hair has cuticles that lay flat and are hard to open. Oils and moisture tend to sit on the strand and it takes very long for the hair to absorb them. It is very good at retaining them once they get in.

Tips for taking care of low porosity hair

Avoid using too much product on your hair. Also, use heat to help open the cuticles when doing deep conditioning treatments. To avoid heat damage from too-high temperatures, use a warm towel or a shower cap instead of a hair dryer.

Medium porosity hair

The cuticles of this type of hair are more open than they are in low porosity hair. Medium porosity hair easily lets oils and moisture in and will also keep them in for a while before they are lost again.

Tips for taking care of medium porosity hair

Keep doing regular deep conditioning treatments with this type of hair.

High porosity hair

The cuticles of high porosity hair are wide open and may have gaps and holes in them. They easily let oils and moisture into the strand, but they just as easily let it back out again.

Tips for taking care of high porosity hair

Try to avoid using heat. Air dry your hair whenever possible. Do regular deep conditioning and rinse hair with cold water to help the cuticles close up. Use a leave-in conditioner and moisturize your hair often.

How to do a hair porosity test

Try this test on hair shed from different sections of your head.

Step 1: For a more accurate result, shampoo and rinse your hair to remove product build up.

Step 2: Air dry your hair. Heat or manipulation (from towel drying) might affect the natural state of the cuticles.

Step 3: Comb or brush through gently. Take a shed hair and place it in a glass of water.

Step 4: Check it after 2 to 5 minutes.

Results of your hair porosity test

Low porosity – Hair floats on top of the water.

Medium porosity – Hair floats somewhere in the middle of the glass.

High porosity – Hair sinks to the bottom of the glass.

Hair porosity and hair type – is there a connection?

Black hair can be wavy, curly, or kinky/coily. There is a tendency for tighter curl patterns to be drier but this doesn’t necessarily mean that they have high porosity. It is more related to the way tighter curls of Black hair keep scalp oils from spreading along the strands.

Hair porosity is not tied to hair type. For example, it is possible for two persons with type 4a curly hair to naturally have different hair porosities. What’s more, the hair on different sections of your head could have different porosities, too.

Hair porosity may be genetic, with members of the same family likely to have the same hair porosity. It may also be that damage from chemical treatments or over-manipulation has caused the cuticles to become more porous than they would naturally be.

Have you tested your hair porosity? Are the results what you expected? Let us know!

Photo by Dom Aguiar on Unsplash

Healthy Relationships: Why I Left – It Was Only Going To Get Worse

As told to Veronica Wells-Puoane of NoSugarNoCreamMag.com

Surprisingly, we met at a local gay bar here in St. Louis. I remember being out with friends that night. He had just gotten out of a relationship and couple of months ago and started coming back out. We actually met a couple times before then; but on the third time, there was a little flirtation and I ended up inviting him to this other bar that we usually go to.

The next day, he’d reached out to a mutual friend to get my number. My friend said, ‘He wants your number can we give it to him?’

And I was like, ‘I guess…’ I was being very coy.

He texted me that Sunday and we kind of started slowly but surely hanging out.

In the beginning of the relationship, it was good. But looking back on it, were there red flags? Yes. The reason I say that is because we talk about signs you should look out for and one of the things I recently learned, getting back in the dating scene, is if you meet someone, man or woman, and they are always talking about so negatively about every ex that they’ve had then that is a red flag. And I didn’t know that at the time.

I remember him speaking about his exes and how they were just these horrible people and how everyone always leaves him. And I felt bad. There was a part of me that was like, ‘Oh my God, you poor thing.’

There was also a lot of love-bombing at the beginning. He would bring me flowers and food to work, he’d send candy. He was just really, really putting forth the effort in the beginning.

As I progressed in my transition as a trans woman, I started to go through physical and mental changes. I needed certain things—We’d met during the summer and had gone to Pride together. And in my transition, I didn’t know any other trans people. I’d see trans people out but I never had any one-on-one relationships. So imagine how isolating that was for me. The guy I was dating was a cis male who navigates his life identifying as bisexual. I was a trans woman in cis, heteronormative relationship. So I’m acclimating to that situation, moving away from the friends that I had and making everything about him and this relationship.

Everyone always leaves him.

So I met another trans person at Pride. We met and automatically clicked. And now he’s a good friend of mine. But that was the first person that I met that was trans so I really latched on to that friendship. And I could tell from the beginning that there were going to be problems with that relationship because my partner was jealous.

I will be honest and open, that friendship did develop into a little bit more romantic than it should have been while I was in a relationship. I will not sit here and say I was with without fault. But there were a lot of things with my partner’s behavior that pushed me to the other side. My trans friend was someone who held space for my feelings and what I was going through mentally, physically, and emotionally. He welcomed me and didn’t make me feel judged for the things that I was thinking or going through.

As things started to progress and happen with me in my transition, there was just a lack of understanding from my partner. His idea of being there for me was just love bombing. But that’s not what I needed. Looking back on it, I needed professional help.

And once I realized that that love wasn’t really grounded in what I needed as his partner, things started to spin out of control. There were more arguments between us and I started to grow closer to my trans friend.

He just couldn’t show up for me the way that I needed him to show up as a lover. Instead of him trying to shower me with gifts and giving me things he thought would make me feel better, I wish that he would have gone to family, close friends or the psychologist I started seeing, sporadically. I wish he would have been more on top of it.

We talk about mental health and how hard it is for people to really sit in the mental health issues that we possess. It’s much easier if you have someone going through that with you, supporting you, holding your hand, and being there for you. That’s what I needed. I needed someone to be like, ‘No, I’m taking you to this appointment. You need to see this doctor.’ Or ‘I’m talking to your family or friends because something is off. Something is not right.’

So when I would do things or sporadic things would happen, as far as my behavior was concerned, he would always flip it and make it seem like I was a bad person instead of really saying, ‘This girl is really going through something. And yeah, what’s happening is kind of shitty but there are some deeper, underlying issues here.’

He didn’t give me that space or grace to do that. My behavior was always an attack against him. Speaking to a psychiatrist now, explaining some of the things that were going on, they say, ‘Yeah, those are cries for help.’ And those things could have been easily stopped if someone would have just taken the wheel.

He just couldn’t show up for me in the way I needed him to show up.

My ex met me when I was beginning my transition. So I didn’t know what I was going to go through. He didn’t either. I was the first trans girl he had ever dated or found himself attracted to, so he said. And so, he supported me and was all on board when I was on oral estrogen. Then a couple of months into our relationship, I got on injectable hormones. And I remember he would look forward to doing my shots for me. He was supportive in that aspect. But everything else that came with my transition, he did not understand and was not in support of. He didn’t get the mental and emotional stress that I was going through.

The relationship with my friend had become a little more romantic. And naturally, my ex was against that. But I told him, this is a relationship that I need and want. For me, there was no letting this relationship go. I still held space for my ex. I still loved him and wanted to make it work but I was also realizing that I needed so much more than I was getting at home.

I was vocal about that but there was a disconnect. He wasn’t really picking up on it. We did try to open our relationship but he said that was something he couldn’t do. I was like, ‘Cool.’ Then later he told me, ‘Do what you want to do.’

There was a lot of shame. He would shame and guilt me for the feelings I had and how close I was to this other person. And with that shame, it made it very difficult to be open and honest about my feelings and my relationship with this person. I was backed into this corner where I was forced to shield and protect myself but still longed for that emotional connection and support that I was getting from my friend.

Ultimately, he wanted me to stop talking to my friend. And this is so crazy. He would have cameras in the house. They also had audio. So he could hear conversations and he could see me on the phone.

I needed so much more than I was getting at home.

We would break up and get back together. Toxic relationship. He would throw my shit out. He’d take pictures of my stuff by the trash can and then bring it back in. He would lock me out the house.

One time, I went to go get coffee with my friend. Things had gotten bad. My ex and I were arguing a lot and I went to my friend to try and figure out what I should do. We met at a place around the corner from where me and my ex lived. When I came back, I had the coffee and I threw the cup away in the house.

At the time, my friend was working for Yelp so he would go to places and take pictures and leave comments. My ex must have started following along with my friend’s social media and his profile on Yelp and he saw the cup from the café and put two and two together, realizing that we were together.

He blew up. Yelling and screaming and was saying some very, very hurtful things.

I remember him telling me, the only reason he dated me was because I was popular in the scene. Crazy things. He said he had never been attracted to me, he was just using me.

The last straw came another night. That’s when he’d gotten violent. As a Black trans woman, I’m already seeing my sisters on tv being murdered. So I thought, this is the time to check out.

He took an Alexa that we had and threw it at me. I ducked and it shattered against the wall.

I left the house. He forced me to give him the keys to our apartment. Mind you, all I had was a bag of stuff. I stayed at a hotel after that blow up for about a week because he wouldn’t allow me to come and get my things, wouldn’t respond to me. That wasn’t the first time I’d gone to a hotel because I was frightened. But this was the last time. I knew that was when the relationship was ending. And it needed to end because things were getting crazy and out of control.

I had to get the police involved. I had to get a restraining order and help retrieving my things. It was turbulent.

This is the time to check out.

Being that this was my first relationship as a trans woman, this really opened my eyes to the reality of what I had been seeing on the news. You know, sometimes we sit back and say, ‘That will never happen to me. That will never be me.’

And I found myself in a situation where that was me. I take full responsibility. Did I do some things that could have possibly pissed him off? Absolutely. But, I think we all have the agency to say, ‘This isn’t working for me. Let’s just walk away.’ There’s a way instead of being violent, mean, hateful and hurtful to people.

After the breakup, he made very transphobic remarks about me. When the relationship ended, social media became his outlet to basically drag me. He would post some very questionable things that nobody should be saying about a trans woman, knowing that I would see it or it would get back to me.

I remember he doxed me. I had my name changed legally as of last year. It was a process but my ex posted my deadname on social media for everyone to see. It was a lot.

I look at that relationship and I think I’ve seen some of his greatest sides and some of his sweetest sides. But I’ve also seen some of the worst sides. I know both of them now. And I realize it wasn’t healthy from the gate.

I learned how important it is to put yourself first and foremost. As women and especially Black women, historically, we have always been taught that we need to be the matriarch, stick around and take care of our men no matter what happens. That is our duty. And I was really stuck in that mindset of wanting to make it work and being focused on the good things and blocking out the bad. Black women have always done that with our relationships in and around love.

That will never be me.

I’ve learned going forward that that’s not a position that I want to be in and that’s not a notion that I want to support. Not only do I not support it for myself, I also don’t support other women doing that either. If a situation gets bad, it’s only going to get worse. And the only other part of that is that I gave up so much of myself, my career…

When we met, I was working in healthcare. I was in healthcare for nine years. Granted, I had a terrible time transitioning in the workplace. So I ended up quitting. The ironic part of that was he saw it as an opportunity. He said, ‘I don’t want you to work. You don’t have to work. Just stay at home and I’ll take care of you. I’ll take care of us.’

Again, another red flag. Abuser 101. I have to depend on you for everything. Ultimately, he put me in a position where I was in a hotel because he’d put me out of an apartment that we had together.

Going forward, I know now that I never want to put my life in the hands of a man, as trustworthy as he may come off. I don’t want to do that, even in marriage. Because you just never know what could happen and who people turn into once they feel hurt and pain.

I want to make sure that I have my own and I’m staying grounded in what I’m passionate about and the work that I’m doing now.

I never want to put my life in the hands of a man.

And when it comes to mental health aspect, I would just sit in the house all day while he worked. I wasn’t doing anything. If I was doing something, he was always questioning it. ‘Where are you? When are you coming home? Who are you with?’ I don’t want to do that anymore, sitting in the house with the cameras.

Going forward, I’ll recognize the red flags and take them for what they are and not staying in a relationship that ceases to serve you and your best purpose. Once that stops, it’s probably time to go.

Those are the things I learned about Gabby.

Veronica Wells-Puoane is the creator of the website NoSugarNoCreamMag. She is the author of “Bettah Days” and You’ll Be All Write, a question and answer journal for Black women. She is also the culture editor at MadameNoire.com.

Find more of her articles by Veronica on Curlynikki.com, HERE!

Are there other red flags you think we should be looking out for? Let us know!

Photo by Ayo Ogunseinde on Unsplash

Natural Hair Care: Protein and Hair – 7 Questions Answered

By Jacqueline Samaroo

Protein is the main component of hair which is why it gets so much attention in the natural hair community. Understanding how natural hair gets the protein and the effects of protein overload is crucial for curly hair to have bounce, shine, and irresistible curls.

Here are the answers to seven questions that are often asked about protein and natural hair.

What is natural hair made of?

Hair is mostly made up of a protein called keratin. Keratin gives hair its structure and strength. It is the same for all types of hair, from kinky to wavy to straight. What’s more, the hair on cats and dogs, and even bears’ hairs are mostly made up of protein, too.

Hair cells are formed at the base of the hair follicle. They become keratinized as they are pushed upward. The hair shaft (what you see growing from your scalp) is actually dead tissue hardened by keratin.

Where does natural hair get its keratin from?

Keratin is made up of amino acids that are created when your body breaks down protein in the foods you eat.

The keratin your body makes strengthens your hair from the inside. Foods rich in protein are lean meats, poultry, fish and seafood, eggs, dairy products, nuts and seeds, as well as peas and beans.

Some hair care products contain protein that coats the strands of your natural hair. They give protection and strength from the outside.

What is the protein/moisture balance?

Hair that has sufficient protein but too little moisture will be stiff. It will also be dry and brittle, making it more susceptible to breakage. Hydrating moisturizers can help to correct this.

Hair that has too much moisture but is lacking protein is limp and weak. It is prone to breakage and to falling out. This can be addressed with a protein treatment.

What happens when natural hair has too much protein?

Hair that has too much protein is said to be suffering from protein overload. Here are some signs that your hair may have protein overload.

• Your hair is drier than normal, lifeless, and brittle.
• Your hair feels stiff or straw-like
• Your hair’s texture has changed.
• Your hair is less elastic and breaks easily.
• Your hair’s curl pattern has changed
• Your hair seems to have lost its natural luster or shine.

What causes protein overload?

Many natural hair products contain protein. Their combined effect can lead to protein buildup in hair. The excess protein weighs down your strands and creates the issues listed above. All of this can be worsened if you do protein treatments too often.

How often should you do protein treatments on natural hair?

That depends. Every 4 to 8 weeks is usually recommended but, natural hair that is already strong, elastic, and bouncy doesn’t really need any extra protein.

So, pay attention to your hair. If it is starting to show signs of having too little protein, then a protein treatment could give it a healthy boost. If you are seeing signs of protein overload, it’s probably wise to skip the protein treatments.

What can you do about protein overload?

For natural hair that has protein overload, you should increase your use of conditioners, moisturizers, and deep conditioners that say “protein-free.” They will help to restore your hair’s protein/moisture balance. Also, check whether any of your other haircare products contain protein and switch them out, too.

Other things to do include:

• Use a gentle clarifying shampoo to break up the proteins.
• Trim the damaged ends of your hair.
• Avoid heat styling and over-manipulation of your hair as these can lead to more breakage and damage.

What is protein sensitivity?

Protein-sensitive hair has a strong negative reaction to even small amounts of protein. It isn’t a common occurrence, though, and you would probably already know if you have it. That’s because it’s not just the hair that is sensitive to protein; the scalp is, too, and would show signs of irritation.

Do you do protein treatments on your natural hair? Why or why not? Share with us!

Originally published on MadameNoire.com

Yesterday, Derek Chauvin was found guilty in the murder of George Floyd. The evidence was there. The witnesses said what needed to be said. The whole world saw Chauvin kneeling on George Floyd’s neck last summer. Still, when we learned that a verdict had come in and would be announced shortly, there was a sense of doom. Black folk, across the diaspora, felt sick, wondering if the jury would make the right decision and convict this man for the crime we saw him commit.

Thankfully, it happened.

And while there was a sense of relief, it took the perfect cocktail to ensure that Chauvin would be held responsible for unjustly taking another human life.

We had to be in the midst of a pandemic, removing some of the distractions that would have helped us to ignore this injustice.

The violent incident had to take place in the daytime, in public view.

George Floyd had to have been fully restrained, not resisting at all.

He had to say he couldn’t breathe.

He had to call out for his mother.

EMTs offering medical assistance to Floyd had to be shooed away.

And most importantly, it all had to be captured on clear, unobstructed, undeniable video.

For those who don’t know, this video that has been seen and shown all over the world, that has been analyzed, mined for screenshots and used to determine that it was 8 minutes and 46 seconds that Derek Chauvin had his knee on George Floyd’s neck was captured by a then 17-year-old Darnella Frazier.

There was no way, Frazier realized that she was recording a pivotal moment in history.

I’m sure she couldn’t have anticipated that her cell phone footage would spark protests across the entire world. Darnella was just running to the store last May when she recognized that Chauvin was being unnecessarily aggressive and violent in his arrest of Floyd.

Darnella couldn’t have known that what appeared to be a violent arrest was actually a murder.

The day after Floyd’s death, Darnella told Now This, “I’ve seen him die. I posted the video last night and it just went viral. And everybody’s asking me how do I feel? I don’t know how to feel. ‘Cause it’s so sad bro. This man was literally right here 8 pm yesterday.”

Not only did Darnella Frazier record the video, she had the wherewithal to post it.

Sadly, being a Black woman doing anything on the internet, her decision to share was met with claims of “clout chasing” from folks online.

Darnella, who described witnessing the incident as traumatizing, immediately refuted the claims, writing on her Facebook page:

“I’m doing it for clout ?? For attention?? What ?? To get paid ?? Now y’all just sound dumb and ignorant!! I don’t expect anyone who wasn’t placed in my position to understand why and how I feel the way that I do !! MIND YOU I am a minor ! 17 years old , of course I’m not about to fight off a cop I’m SCARED wtf…If it wasn’t for me 4 cops would’ve still had their jobs , causing other problems. My video went world wide for everyone to see and know !! His family was reached out to! The police most definitely would’ve swept it under the rug with a cover up story. Instead of bashing me , THANK ME! Because that could’ve been one of your loved ones and you would want to see the truth as well.”

It’s only now, nearly a year later, that we understand how right she was.

The tactics police employ to protect their own know no depths. And there’s no telling what would have been said in order to besmirch George Floyd’s character and to keep Derek Chauvin on the force, able to terrorize and possibly kill other people with his violence.

What if Darnella had not been there? What if she was so shocked by the crime taking place in front of her that she froze and didn’t record? Or what if she was so disturbed by the footage, she decided to delete it rather than share it on social media—where her character would later be called into question?

George Floyd’s name might have become a hashtag but there’s no question in any of our minds that Derek Chauvin would have never been held accountable.

In the fight against police brutality, it’s often the men and boy’s names who we remember. Dr. Kimberlé Crenshaw created #SayHerName because Black girls and women rarely receive the same concern and passion of their male counterparts. Police brutality is far more than just an issue affecting Black men. The lack of reciprocity in the movements have often left Black women wondering if we should continue to fight for Black men who historically have not been willing to return the favor.

It’s a question that has to be answered on a personal level.

But I’m inexplicably grateful for Darnella Frazier’s decision to record and post such a painful and traumatic moment in her life on Facebook, an app designed to connect us socially. In a very twisted way, it served that exact purpose. The world saw a human life being snatched and it responded appropriately. But none of that happens without Darnella.

We owe this unusual bit of accountability in an unjust and cruel system to her.

We owe the collective sigh of relief we breathed yesterday to her.

We owe the semblance of peace we felt yesterday to her.

The credit for Derek Chauvin’s sentence doesn’t belong to the judge, the jury, our justice system, or the consciousness of the American people. It belongs to Darnella Frazier for her courage, her refusal to remain silent, and her decision to shine a light on something she knew wasn’t right.

Yesterday, after the verdict was announced, Darnella took to her same Facebook page and wrote:

Veronica Wells-Puoane is the creator of the website NoSugarNoCreamMag. She is the author of “Bettah Days” and You’ll Be All Write, a question and answer journal for Black women. She is also the culture editor at MadameNoire.com.

Find more of her articles by Veronica on Curlynikki.com, HERE!

Photo by Kim Carpenter on Unsplash

Thinking of Shaving Off Your Natural Hair? Read This First!

By Jacqueline Samaroo

A shaved head is like the ultimate big chop. It’s not something many Black women would consider even if they are already rocking out to the tune of a sensational TWA.

Some women decide to shave off their natural hair after much deliberation and internal struggle. For others, it is a spur-of-the-moment decision, eliminating any chances to second-guess themselves. For some women, the act of shaving their heads is a defining moment while others view it as simply another style to try for a while.

What might you experience if you shave off your natural hair?

Expect mixed feelings before and after

Before

You might find yourself embracing the idea of shaving your head one moment and then seconds later, wondering if you’re crazy for even considering such a thing. You’ll probably also bounce between being concerned what others will say and then deciding you don’t give a damn what they think.

After

It’s not uncommon after shaving off your hair to have moments of regret mixed in with the euphoria of “Why didn’t I do this sooner?!”

For a while, you’ll likely miss the act of grooming your hair – even if you had always felt natural hair styles were too tedious to keep up with. That may be mixed in with the joys that only bald-headedness brings.  Like not having to worry about getting your hair wet when you go swimming.

Expect, too, to forget that you shaved your head! It happens and it even has a name – phantom hair. For a while after you’ve shaved your head, you may feel like it’s still there. This often happens when you wake in the morning or when your mind is preoccupied with other things.

Expect very different reactions from others

Some people find shaved heads attractive, some are turned off by them, and others couldn’t really care less. You’ll meet all types and don’t expect them to keep their reactions and opinions to themselves.

Shaving off your natural hair may be greeted with utter disbelief by (especially older) family members but get you high fives from friends. Your significant other might love your new look and the new attitude that often accompanies it. On the other hand, the decision to shave your head may be one of the hardest tests your relationship faces.

Expect to have more time on your hands

Black hair is amazing for its diversity and the range of natural hairstyles it can be done in. However, for most women, in particularly those with curlier and kinkier curl patterns, styling and upkeep of their natural hair can be very time consuming.

A shaved head still requires maintenance, but it is nothing in the league of caring for and styling a head full of curls. You’ll still have to

• Use good-quality shampoo and conditioner for the sake of your scalp and the tiny hairs on it. A definite upside is that just a little bit of product now goes a long way!
• Keep your scalp hydrated and moisturized. It is now fully exposed to the elements and will dry out quicker.
• Protect your scalp from the Sun. Just as you would with other exposed areas of skin, use sunscreen to protect your scalp when out and about.

Expect a sense of empowerment and freedom

Many women who have shaved off their natural hair report a feeling of empowerment – of no longer attaching their self-worth to their hair. That attachment is a common occurrence among the Black community. History has ingrained it in us, teaching us that long hair is the ideal.

Many women also say that shaving off their hair made them feel more beautiful and confident than they ever did before. Your face becomes the focus and people tend to look you in the eyes more!

Some women also note that other women seem to want to connect with them more, perhaps because of the increased confidence level or because they are wrestling with the idea of shaving off their natural hair, too.

Have you ever shaved your head? Let us know what the experience was like.

Photo by patricioshotit on Unsplash

Natural Hair Care: Are Those “Bad” Shampoo Ingredients Really All That Bad?

By Jacqueline Samaroo

When it comes to having healthy, beautiful natural hair, the products you use are key. There is a lot of information (and misinformation) out there, however, about haircare ingredients that are “bad” for your natural hair.

Let’s take a look at five of them to help you decide which you should be avoiding like the plague and which are actually OK to use.

Sulfates

A shampoo that lathers up really well most likely has sulfates in it. They are very good at what they do – cleaning oil and dirt from your scalp and hair.

There were concerns several years ago, however, that sulfates could have a carcinogenic effect. This has since been proven to be untrue and sulfates are now deemed safe for most persons to use.

BUT, they can be drying which is not good news for textured natural hair. Its curls stop sebum (the skin’s natural oils) from moving along the strands to lubricate and nourish them. So, natural textured hair tends to be dry and sulfates can compound that.

So, when should you avoid them? If your natural hair is dry or fine or you have sensitive skin, it’s best to go with a sulfate-free shampoo, instead.

Silicones

Silicones give many cosmetics and haircare products their shine factor. They have a bad reputation from the whole rupturing breast implants saga, but their use in beauty and haircare products is thought to be safe.

The issue with silicones is the inevitable buildup that leaves hair dry and dull-looking. It also clogs hair follicles and weighs down hair. Plus, some silicones won’t wash off with regular shampoo. Getting rid of them requires a clarifying shampoo which can raise some concerns for textured natural hair.

What’s the best approach?  If you use them on your natural hair, do so in moderation. Plus, the type called cyclomethicone is both lightweight and water-soluble. It is easy enough for your regular shampoo to remove it.

Phthalates

These multipurpose chemicals are used in a wide range of products. They are oily, colorless, odorless, and have both lubricating and softening effects. They are the gelling agents in some shampoos and part of the unspecified “fragrance” in a wide range of products.

Phthalates are readily absorbed by the skin and some studies show they can interfere with both hormonal and reproductive function. Some countries regulate or ban phthalates but no such action has been taken (yet) in the US.

How should you approach them? Definitely, with caution. While many brands no longer include phthalates in their formulations, it’s still wise to be wary of that unnamed “fragrance” in some natural hair care products.

Parabens

Parabens act as preservatives in many skincare and haircare products. They help stop the growth of bacteria and mold. Dermatologists have mixed reactions to parabens because there have been studies linking high concentrations of parabens to cancer formation and eczema, as well as it being an endocrine disruptor.

So, what’s the verdict? The low levels of parabens in beauty products is not thought to be harmful. In fact, the FDA said in August 2020 “At this time, we do not have information showing that parabens, as they are used in cosmetics, have an effect on human health.”

If you have personal doubts, however, there are plenty of paraben-free options to choose from.

Petrolatum

Petrolatum (aka petroleum jelly) is often called mineral oil on ingredients lists. It gets both its bad and good rep from its ability to block moisture. Petrolatum tends to weigh down your hair as it builds up on your hair and scalp. It also has the potential to inhibit the growth of new follicles.

Is it safe to use? As far as general health is concerned, yes. Removing built-up petrolatum, however, is best done with the lather of a shampoo containing sulfates or with a clarifying shampoo, both of which can spell trouble for natural hair.

Photo by DISRUPTIVO on Unsplash

Healthy Relationships: Why I Left – God Told Me To Run!

As told to Veronica Wells-Puoane of NoSugarNoCreamMag.com

I was with him since I was 15. We’re from a small town in Louisiana and we met when I was in the ninth grade. By the time I was in the 10th grade, I got pregnant with my first child. So we just stayed together. And you know teenage love, it was toxic from the beginning. We tried to make it work and it got worse and worse.

As teenagers, there was cheating, talking to other people. I don’t know myself. He don’t know who he is. Then there was college, fraternities, sororities, we went through all of that.

We were together ten years before we got married. He felt like he was ready and I knew I was ready but he wasn’t all that ready because he was still doing what he wanted to do.

And of course, I’m not putting anything all on him. We were in a relationship and I had the mentality of, ‘If you can do it to me, I can do it you.’ But of course I was in my teenage years and my early twenties.

We moved to Shreveport, which is an hour north of where we’re from. So it was like a start over. But when I moved to Shreveport with him, I learned he had another girl pregnant. (1)

At the time, I thought well because I cheated, this was his “get back.” He got me back.

That’s how that started.

After that, we got married in 2009.

He got me back.

NSNC: You got married after he got someone else pregnant?

Yes…I’m telling you I’m a work in progress. That ain’t the cake.

I got married in 2009. Everything was perfect to me. We got pregnant. We wanted to try for a girl (after the son they had when they were in high school.) I thought two kids and I’ll be done. Perfect. By our one year anniversary, I was pregnant with our second son.

I had our son in June 2010. In March of 2011, I found out he had another son the same age as my son. (2)

My son was born June 2010, another child was born in August of 2010.

Being a newlywed and scared, I stayed. I wanted to talk through it. You know I’m a Southern girl. I just felt like. ‘Okay, you made this mistake.’ But I’m not going to lie, it was so—oh God, it broke me. I just reverted back to that old person. He didn’t want to talk about it, none of that. And what he wasn’t giving me—I went and had an affair. It was only about sex. I don’t know why I did it. I’m better than that and I learned from it.

Of course, he found out and he got another girl pregnant. (3) Our marriage was on the rocks for 2-3 years and all along, I’m thinking this is my fault because I cheated.

NSNC: So, this is the third baby he’s had in addition to the children he has with you?

Yes, one was before we got married. I do count him as my stepson. I have a relationship with him. I know it’s weird but I just felt like we weren’t married…

I’m going to be honest, I stayed because of my kids. I come from a household where my parents were divorced. I wanted to give my kids something that I didn’t have. We both worked hard. We both have careers and we built a life for our kids. So momma was suffering for her kids, that’s what I told myself.

We built our dream home. I had a career in banking. I wasn’t making a lot of money but I made enough to do what I wanted to do because of course, he was the breadwinner. I never had to worry about anything financially so that’s why I stayed.

And another baby was born in my marriage. (4)

NSNC: So, we’re at 4.

Yes. I was numb at this point. But I was preparing myself because I was like this is on you. What are you going to do? He said, I think we should separate and let all of this come out. And Veronica, I’m not lying to you, I heard God say, ‘Run!’

So I agreed to the separation and I left. And it’s been a year. I started therapy in September of 2019 and I was literally going three times a month. I was going once a week. It’s been a blessing.

I heard God say, ‘Run!’

NSNC: There were so many different instances of him cheating. Did you always know?

Yes, I accepted it. He had a pattern. I know it’s weird for me to say he was never disrespectful. But it was never anybody calling my house, showing up to my house. The women that he had, he controlled them. I was never bothered. The only reason I found out about these kids is because he told me. I wouldn’t know about these kids unless he told me.

But he had a pattern on the weekends. Fridays were our date night. Saturdays we hung around the house, did whatever, got in the pool. I always got this anxious feeling around 7-10 pm because he would get up and say, ‘Hey, I’m going to go to the casino.’ I’ve never been the type of woman to question anything because I believe it was Toni Braxton who said, ‘What are you going to do when you get that information? Are you going to leave?’ I knew I wasn’t going to leave so I never went looking for anything. I knew it but I never asked.

NSNC: When you left, you didn’t make an announcement, you just left?

It was an agreement. He said we should separate. He said, ‘I’ll pay your rent for a year.’ The deal was we would separate for a year and get back together. I let him think that and I thought that too. You have to realize, being in a relationship for 20 years, letting someone do this to you, I was mentally abused. Never physical, never physical. But mentally abused.

I thought, ‘Okay, I’ll give it a year.’ But I heard God say run and I ran and I’m not going back, ever. My divorce [was] final on November 2, 2020.

I know it’s weird but he’s my family. He’s my kids’ dad. He’s a wonderful dad, great dad, provider. He just wasn’t a good husband to me. And I’m not going to lie, I wasn’t a good wife to him during certain times. And when he couldn’t forgive…If I could forgive humans having whole humans, I felt like him not forgiving me and holding it over my head, it justified what he was doing. It gave him solace. That was his ammo.

NSNC: How did the mental abuse play out?

I was never told I’m pretty. He said, ‘I don’t tell you you’re pretty or compliment your outfit because I know that will go to your head.’ Or he’d say, ‘You’re the reason I do this.’ You did this and you did that. He’d say, ‘You stay on social media. You stay on your phone.’ Things like that. He was controlling.

I knew I wasn’t going to leave so I never went looking for anything.

NSNC: While all this was going on, did friends and family know or were all of the children kept between the two of you?

They didn’t know. They knew only about one. So when this last one came, I was done. My family accepted his first son. They bought him Christmas gifts. They accepted him because that was before our marriage. I told my cousins. But I didn’t tell a lot of family my business because Ima be there. The deal was, you keep that shit away from me, my family and my boys and we’ll be good. It can’t affect us.

My best friend knew. She’d say, ‘If you’re going to be there, it’s going to be some stuff you got to take.’ And this last one, when I told her, I was just numb.

I found out about this last child, January 10, 2019. And it was for a white girl, Veronica.

NSNC: Stop! Gurl, no!

And it’s a baby girl. I don’t have a girl. All of that anger and stuff. Anyway, we went to celebrate our ten-year anniversary February 14 of that same year. I couldn’t cancel!

NSNC: Do you think the fact that nobody knew was what allowed you to stay for so long?

Oh yes! Our friends didn’t know. I think people know now that we’re separated. If you look at my social media, I did take all of his pictures down. But he never posted pictures—he’s not active on social media , so he never took pictures like that. The family pictures that I did have of us, I took down. My family knows and his family knows now.

Our immediate friends know. His frat brothers know. I’m sure they know.

The son that is the same age as my youngest, I did allow him to start coming around. Because I felt like I was just trying to be a good wife. And my youngest son was excited. It was like having a new friend. My oldest son is so much older than him, he’s basically like an only child. My oldest son turned 21 in December.

My youngest son said, ‘He’ll be my best friend.’ So that’s what pushed me over the edge to allow this child to come over.

Now, do I feel my ex-husband has deep issues, to keep having kids like this and putting my life in danger and his life…of course!

NSNC: What do you think is going on with him?

I don’t know. I can’t answer that. I’ve asked him to go to therapy. Once he realized I was serious about the divorce he did want to do marriage counseling. But I didn’t want to do marriage counseling because I knew I wanted a divorce. I want him to get counseling for himself, not to get back with me. He said, ‘I don’t need counseling. I know what I’ve done. I know how to correct that.’

No, you don’t.

I was just numb.

NSNC: Is he involved in the other children’s lives at all?

Yes, yes he is. This little girl, he’s involved in her life. He’s introduced everybody. I didn’t have a problem with him introducing her because I’m not that type of woman. I’m not with you anymore and they need to know their siblings. Whatever questions they have, that’s on you brother, not me. My oldest came to me, the day after his dad told him about all of that. He was so worried about his mama. I said, ‘I’m fine. You’re grown so I don’t need to explain to you that your dad has these kids and we were married.’

I told him, ‘I’m okay.’

And when I left my marriage, the blessings started rolling in.

I got a new job, the salary that I had asked for. I just stepped out on faith.

NSNC: I’m really interested in you saying you heard God’s voice. Was this the first time you heard God’s voice in relation to your marriage?

Yes. I have journals from my years of being married and it’s the same shit over and over. ‘God, forgive me. God forgive him.’ And him bringing my past up made me feel guilty. I thought, he’s doing this [cheating] because of what I’ve done. That’s how I felt. When he said, I think we should separate, I was in the shower, and I heard God say, ‘Run.’ I got out the shower, I went to work. And I prayed on it again and I still heard God say, ‘Run.’ Not leave, run.

Sunday came and I said ok, I’m going to move to this apartment complex. And it’s crazy how God works. He brought me back to my beginnings. When we moved here, we lived in this same apartment complex. I was literally in the same building. My best friend said, He brought you back to your beginnings because this is your do-over.

God didn’t bless me while I was still in my marriage.

I’m a bank manager now. That’s my career. I’ve been in banking for 15 years. I always wanted to be a bank manager. I was an assistant bank manager for years. My pay was horrible but I loved my job. And of course with him being the provider, I didn’t have to worry about money. He would say, ‘Ashanti, don’t worry about it. I make the money for us.’ And that was true but something was telling me that I need to push forward. You need to be doing something for you.

He paid my rent for a year, I moved out.

In December, I made a vision board. I said I was going to be so selfish. I wasn’t doing anything for my kids. The vision board was about me. I put the salary that I needed, that would be enough for me to pay my own rent, pay my bills, car note, and have money for savings. I apply for the job, got the job. I had already been on five interviews at different banks. We’re not a big city, so we don’t have a lot of banks.

One day, I was up at 3 in the morning on Indeed, applying for a position. I got a call the next day for a phone interview.

I said, ‘Lord, this is my last chance. I don’t have any more banks to apply to here. If I’m going to advance, I would need to move. I don’t want to move because I don’t want to move away from my family and I don’t want to take my youngest son away from his father.’

So, I got the call. The guy offered me the job, I took it. He said, ‘Your salary will be

$50,000.’ That’s not what I asked for. I asked for $60,000. I took the job because it still was way more than what I was making. Three days later, I got the offer letter. Guess what the offer letter said?

NSNC: It said 60?

It said $60,000. And I cried because I was willing to accept that job for $50,000. But God said I’m going to give you what you’ve been praying and asking for because I was specific in my prayers. It was on my vision board in big glitter letters.

God didn’t bless me while I was still in my marriage.

I forgot to tell you I got a part time job at Raising Cane’s. It’s a fast food place, girl. I was not shame. I was doing whatever I had to do to pay my car note and my insurance. And I felt God said, ‘You humbled yourself. You didn’t care what anybody said. You went and worked at a fast food restaurant. So I’m going to bless you child, with what you’ve been praying for.’ And He did.

I will be closing–I’m building my home. I’m building a house. I [closed] on January 21, 2021. I’ve never been at this much peace.

Am I hurting that I’m going through a divorce? Yes. Do I cry some days? Yes, but not like I was at first. Do I have fear? Not anymore. But I did have fear.

That’s why [NSNC Instagram] post spoke to me because it was so hard to leave.

NSNC: Why was it hard?

I’m getting emotional because my ex-husband is my friend. I know it sounds bad to say. How can this person be your friend if he’s done this to you? But he’s my friend and my family. I’ve forgiven him some but I still have anger. I think why the fuck did you have to do this? We had a great family, even with the flaws. I know it sounds bad but I could have excused the cheating if he had been honest. We would have gone to therapy and we need to cut this shit out. Because I’m not innocent at all but it’s only so much a woman can take.

I can say that I made that mistake and learned from it. And if you weren’t going to forgive me, you should have said, ‘I want a divorce.’

Leaving him was the best decision I ever made for myself. But it’s hard when you depend on somebody financially, when somebody can give you everything you ask for, we ate out three times a week—and I’m not talking about McDonald’s and Burger King. When I can say, ‘I want to take our son to Disney World’ and he says, ‘Just book it.’ I don’t have to worry about finances. This man took care of everything.

My mom always said, they look at what you have. They look at your husband so women are going to flock. I said, ‘I understand that mama but he gotta be open? You got to accept all of that?’ Because at the end of the day, you still have to pay them and that’s taking away from us.

People look from the outside and think, ‘Oh, she’s got this big house. She got this, she drives this. She does this.’ You know how people say, ‘You couldn’t walk a mile in my shoes?’ You couldn’t put my shoes on. And that’s not a notch in my belt, because I chose to go through all that. But I feel like God covered me even though I was disobedient. I ignored the signs. It crosses my mind where I could be now if I would have left the first time. But I just have to keep it moving and it’s a reason behind everything. I’m happy now and I’m looking forward to my future.

God covered me even though I was disobedient.

NSNC: What has helped you during this transition?

Therapy and a good support system. My family and my friends have been a great support.

NSNC: What would you say you had to heal about yourself coming out of this marriage?

Low self-esteem, self-doubt. When you’ve been mentally abused for so long…even as a child, all I’ve ever been told was I was pretty. No one ever said, ‘You’re smart. You’re going to be something in life.’ You’ve told me this all my life so all I’m going to think is I’m pretty and I can use my looks to get anything I want. The self-doubt of me wondering if I can do this? Am I qualified? Do I deserve this? That’s hard for me.

I was nervous talking to you. Like do she want to talk to me? Am I worthy of this interview?

NSNC: Gurl…

No, seriously. When you messaged me, I was like, ‘Oh my God!’ When I told my best friend she said, ‘Just pray on it. And you’ve always said you wanted to tell your story because you want to help other women.’

I felt therapy would help me be the best that I can be so I can help those women. Me not thinking I’m worthy has been my biggest healing. I’m learning to love who I am. I’m learning to be unapologetic. And I’m just learning to live one day at a time. I’m a planner. My therapist asked me, why do you think you started planning the way that you do? And I said, ‘I had to plan so that my ex-husband would know that no woman or kid could interfere with that.’

Therapy has given me my self-worth.

I had to set boundaries with my ex, it’s helped me do that. You’ve left but you’re still allowing this man to control you. That all goes with self-worth.

NSNC: Why do you think he didn’t want the divorce?

It’s the control. Because he controlled me, everything I did. And I wasn’t scared of him. I still did what I wanted to do, knowing he’d bitch about it. It never was, you can’t go. But it was an attitude.

NSNC: Did you feel pressure to stay because there’s value in being married?

Of course! And social media doesn’t make it any better. When I found out about the first kid (in their marriage), that was the first thing I said, ‘What are people going to think if I leave? So yes, that pressure is on women to stay in a marriage, to endure. We think, ‘Let me see if I can change him. Let me see if this was a mistake.’ And, ‘If I leave now and he changes, is someone else going to benefit?’ I’m not going to lie, I think about that now. So I put up with this shit all these years and you can go to the white woman and you going to be this perfect man? And he’s not. But that was my thought. I said, ‘If this nigga go over here and be this perfect man, I’m gon kill this muthafucka.’

But I can’t even think about that. My best friend says, there’s always a woman out there who will make a man act right or he’ll want to act right for. But I allowed him to do what he wanted to do, no questions asked. I didn’t put up a fight. I didn’t demand respect because I didn’t think I deserved respect because of everything he made me believe was my fault.

If I leave now and he changes, is someone else going to benefit?

NSNC: What would you say to other women who’ve found themselves in a similar situation? They know they should leave but it’s difficult.

You have to look within. Look within and say is this what I want my life to be? If they have kids and think about staying for the kids—my son is ten. I’m supposed to sit in this shit for eight more years? Who says that I’m going to be alive in eight years? What could I do in these eight years? Get a new job. Travel. Just be at peace.

And don’t be embarrassed. Most people stay because they worry about what somebody else is going to say. I went back to a fast food restaurant. I would leave my banking job, take off my skirt and heels and make $10/hr because I needed to pay my car note. I wasn’t embarrassed. I wasn’t ashamed. Pray and have a good support system because it’s going to hurt and it’s going to be scary. But dig deep. And ask if this is what you want for yourself. You have to be selfish in that question. It’s not about your kids. .

What I tell women, if they can afford it, go to therapy, even before they leave. I didn’t leave until November. I started therapy in September. I started my therapy first. I told myself, if I’m going to tackle this I know I can’t do this alone. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a spiritual person. I started meditating, journaling, but I knew I needed professional help. I needed a Black woman. And I’m not talking about no old Black woman that’s going to tell me to stay and work it out with my husband.

And I wanted to make my sons proud. I wanted them, especially my oldest, too look at me and know his momma is a strong woman. I endured a lot but at the end, I chose ME.

My goal is to start a nonprofit to help women like me. I lived it and I believe my story will help women who think they can’t leave.

I do want to be married again. I do want to date. I will not be having any more kids. But I just want to live a healthy life. Of course my physical health but mentally, emotionally, in my relationship, I want it to be healthy because I’ve never had that.

Veronica Wells-Puoane is the creator of the website NoSugarNoCreamMag. She is the author of “Bettah Days” and You’ll Be All Write, a question and answer journal for Black women. She is also the culture editor at MadameNoire.com.

Find more of her articles by Veronica on Curlynikki.com, HERE!