I really thought I’d planned the dream holiday. One of those “once in a lifetime” sort of affairs that the whole family would enjoy and treasure forever. A holiday we’d all love so very much we’d still talk about it years down the line, when the kids were teenagers – when they were adults with kids of their own. Do you remember when we all went to America? And Mummy had organised a whole roadtrip and researched all of those places to eat, and she spent every evening when we were there reading those guidebooks and looking at maps instead of actually having a break because she always has to be doing something?

We hadn’t really been big on holidays since having kids. Not ones outside of the UK, anyway. We’d taken them abroad twice (they are eight and seven, at time of writing) and both times were borderline disastrous. Because it’s not easy is it, getting family holidays right? Even if you can save up enough money and coordinate time off work and get someone to look after your dog/cat/guinea pig, a holiday is never a guaranteed success. Either you try and shoehorn the kids into your own idea of vacation bliss (a long lie down on a sunglounger, uninterrupted reading time, gastronomic delights) and they ruin the vibe by constantly needing snacks and pooing in the sea or you find a child-centric holiday, one with arcades and water parks and mini golf, where the kids have a cracking time but you feel like gauging out your own eyeballs with a teaspoon.

I decided to go the latter route, for this holiday, to selflessly go all out and book…the Big D. Disney World. The self-proclaimed “Most Magical Place on Earth”. I always said I’d go once – to the big one in Florida, I need guaranteed sun – to see what it was all about. I’d always wanted to tick it off the list, partly because I was faintly curious about it (there’s no way we could ever have gone when I was growing up, it would have been as outrageous a notion as flying to Mars) but mostly because I really did want to do something that focused wholeheartedly on the kids and their unfettered enjoyment.

Except that I got to the part where I had to pay in advance for the theme park tickets (Disney and Universal combined, it was quite the financial beating) and decided that my generosity only stretched so far. As the receipts piled into my email inbox, I began to feel slightly anxious. I wasn’t even sure whether I’d like going to Disney – could it possibly be as brilliant as some people had said, or would it actually be horrendous? Especially to someone who hates queues, crowds and organised fun. What an earth was I doing? I loved my kids but I wasn’t a saint! Two weeks was a lot of time (and money) to sacrifice purely for their unadulterated pleasure – what if constantly waiting in line to ride on rickety teacup carousels drove me out of my own mind? What if the Orlando theme parks broke me?

With that in mind, I decided to add a few things to the start of the holiday that would sweeten the pill: namely a bit of “quiet beach time” and a little road trip. Yes, I would tag a cheeky “Mom n Pop” pleaser onto the beginning of the All Play Vay-cay; hit the open road for a while before finding a peaceful, idyllic beach on which to lie down and ponder our life choices. It was genius, in my mind: the holiday would appear to have been very selflessly planned around the kids but we’d manage to get in a few days of proper all-American journeying. Diner breakfasts with fifty egg options, weird roadside attractions, creepy abandoned gas stations with tumbleweed rolling across the forecourt. Bloody marvellous.

(Is the need for doing road trips at any given opportunity something that simply happens when you hit adulthood? Or is it specific to me and Rich? I don’t know where this obsession stemmed from, but we don’t seem to be able to plan anything without adding a bit of a long drive to the mix:

“Shall we fly to the airport that’s eight hours away instead, and…do a bit of a road trip?”

“Why even fly? It’s only fifty-three hours by car!”

Please tell me it’s not just us…)

Anyway, that’s the background: I tried to cheat a proper holiday out of a visit to Disney World and give the whole family an experience they’d enjoy. Now listen: I’m going to write about Disney separately. I have nothing against Disney – many Disney and Pixar films are in my top, most-watched films of all time list –  it’s just that theme parks are not my particular cup of tea. I love Toy Story, but I don’t feel the need to eat lunch in front of a giant statue of Woody. I have fond memories of Beauty and the Beast and know almost every song lyric from Aladdin but do I feel the urge to immerse myself in a weird, random mix of theming based on the films I’ve seen? Make sure you read my Disney post, coming up next, to find the answer to that particular question. (It may surprise you!)

So here’s my Florida Trip itinerary with accommodation details, hotel ratings and general pointers as to whether each of the planned elements was, with hindsight, a good idea. If you’re thinking of going to Disney World and tagging on some extras, here’s my honest opinion on whether or not to bother.

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Miami Beach (Nights 1 and 2)

I decided to give the kids a little hit of culture and city life to start the trip off with a bang: “let’s fly into Miami,” I said, “it’ll be fun.”. This idea seemed more and more ridiculous the longer the flight from Heathrow dragged on. By the time we arrived at Miami airport, finally got through the winding queue at immigration and found a cab to the hotel I was so tired that my eyes felt as though they were falling out.

We arrived at our hotel, The Sagamore, at 10.30pm and all went straight to bed. I had booked The Sagamore after loads of research because it was so well located (it’s right next to the Ritz on South Beach and has direct access to the sands) and it was relatively inexpensive for a room sleeping four, in that location, at around $330 per night. There were loads of cheaper rooms at other hotels but they were half the size and not on the beach and so I went for a midway point. (It was the end of spring break, just after Easter, so rates were relatively high all round, FYI.)

I didn’t want to go all out on a room in Miami because I knew that the first night was going to be a write-off and the one full day we had there we’d hopefully not even need it, because we’d be walking about happily in the sun, our children skipping along beside us asking pertinent questions about Art Deco architecture and the history of Cuba.

(In reality, we spent two hours walking aimlessly up and down Collins Avenue, buying goggles and hats and all of the other stuff I’d forgotten to pack and then we all had a family meltdown over food options at lunch. A meltdown of such epic scale I thought that our marriage might be over.)

What would I rate The Sagamore? 8 for location and pool/beach access but a 5 or 6-ish out of ten for the room. The extra sleeper bed, a pull-out sofa, was so hard and uncomfortable we ended up with one child in with us (she’s tall and she sleeps in a starfish position, which is handy) and the air con was so noisy it felt like a lorry was parked inside the room. For the price, it was OK – as I said, I expected it to be a less than premium experience and the location, pool and beach were great for the kids – but it was a little frayed around the edges and the bed situation wasn’t good.

More importantly: would I recommend a little trip to Miami pre-Disney, with an eight year old and seven year old in tow? Honestly, I wouldn’t bother again. (Ha! What a miser.) It was quite a frantic start to the holiday, really and we probably would have been better off heading straight to….

Anna Maria Island (Nights 3, 4 and 5)

Ah, the “treat to self” part of the trip. A four hour journey on the open road and then the laid-back vibes of an idyllic beach on a lively little island. The initial part of this, the road bit, would have been brilliant had Rich not worked the kids up to an absolute state of frenzy about a mythical superstore that held all of the toys in the world and plastic tat beyond their wildest dreams: a place called….Target.

For crying out loud. I mean, really.

We spent half the journey talking about Target, then we got lost for an hour and a half and had to stop at a McDonalds’s on the way to Target and then we spent so long in Target that we were late getting to our beachside accommodation.

And I was excited about this beachside accommodation because it was right on the beach. Fifty metres away. Never had we stayed so close to sea and sand – I had booked it especially for this reason. In my mind the kids would be able to trot in and out of the room with their buckets and spades! I’d sit sipping a frozen Margarita, watching them frolic in the waves!

We stayed at a place called Cedar Cove. It had almost exclusively rave reviews online and I have to say, it was exactly as described – nothing was a surprise. The white sandy beach was beautiful, you could absolutely just stay out there all day and nip back to your room for snacks and drinks and so on, and you could walk right down the shoreline to Bradenton Beach where all of the restaurants and bars were.

The rooms are very Old Florida style – leatherette couches and cane furniture, tropical print curtains and bright colours painted on the outside walls. It very much feels like you’ve entered another time, which you’ll either love or hate, depending on which rate you paid for your room.

We paid the hiked-up spring break prices as it was a few days after Easter and boy was it a killer. I’d say that the dated feel of the accommodation did make me do a sharp intake of breath, for the rates we were paying (I don’t even want to write the price down!) but the location and beach were so idyllic it all kind of balanced out. It wasn’t as though there was anything to complain about, it was all just very….charmingly basic.

Rating for the hotel? I’d give it 8/10 at normal, non-peak prices. You have to be able to appreciate the faded, relaxed vibe – this is not somewhere you’d come for a luxury stay where you don’t leave your room – but the beach is a 10/10 and is the crowning glory of the place, so it balances right out.

Would I do Anna Maria Island again? Maybe. I’m still processing. It was a great “calm before the storm” moment to rest up before Orlando and felt quite uncommercial and wholesome by comparison (I mean, anything would feel uncommercial and wholesome compared to Orlando) but it was around a four hour drive from Miami and then it was another two and a half to Orlando when we left. So quite the detour.

(Worth noting that Cedar Cove doesn’t have a restaurant – it’s not a resort in the sense that it has hotel facilities. But there are more places to eat than you can shake a coconut at – if I went again I’d hire a golf buggy in advance to get around the island. Lots of people used bikes (and there were loads of free ones to borrow at Cedar Cove) but the one main road that runs like a spine through the island is really busy, constantly. I don’t know whether I’d want to cycle it with younger kids in tow.

Also worth noting that half of the resorts rooms and cottages are across this main road, away from the beach. It’s clear on the website, but you could miss it if you didn’t know… Absolutely 100% book the beachside properties. We were in “Bamboo”, which had views of the sea from the balcony at the front but my pick would be one of the penthouse apartments right on the sand, so long as you’re fine with climbing stairs.)

Orlando, Universal Hard Rock Hotel (Night 6)

From tranquil beach paradise to the noisy chaos of Orlando. But this quick one-night stay was an unexpected little bit of excitement and joy right in the middle of the trip: a single sleep at Universal’s Hard Rock Hotel.

Now here’s the thing: I do not enjoy staying in hotels as a family, as a rule. Unless you’re wedged up like Jeff Bezos and can get one of those suites that take up half a floor and have multiple bedrooms and a dining room with lilies on the table, etc, then for more than one or two nights I find hotels a bit restrictive and cramped and massively expensive. Five dollars for a bottle of water and a shower cubicle that’s filled with all of your drip-drying swimsuits? No ta. I’d rather self-cater. But a short stop-off at the Hard Rock where you can make use of the (excellent) pool and amble easily down to dinner (not so excellent) and then wander on over to the theme parks in the morning? No need to get into the car for a while? Yes please.

It also impressed the kids wildly that we were staying in this colossal place with its endless corridors and multiple check-in desks and people in uniform wheeling huge trolleys of suitcases about. They loved it.

And there was a good, practical reason I did this standalone night at Hard Rock Hotel: to get the Universal Unlimited Express Passes. We’re going to go more into queues and fast passes in my Disney post, but here’s the lowdown: the queues are long! We regularly passed rides at Universal where the wait time was 80 minutes, even 120 minutes – on one Disney ride, the Slinky Dog coaster, there was a wait time of 180 minutes!

Luckily (for some), both places have their own version of fast passes – sort of like priority boarding. You get to go in a different queueing lane to everyone else and more often than not there’s hardly anyone in it – you just walk in and sidle on up to the front, bypassing the ridiculously long snake of a normal queue that winds over and back on itself.

Skipping the queue feels so wrong – and slightly embarrassing if you don’t like to look as though you’re lording it – but it’s also so, so right. If you want to keep your sanity and actually get on more than three or four rides a day then these passes are the best thing you can possible spend your budget on. It’s outrageous that you have to pay for park admission tickets, which are expensive to start with and then you have to pay not to waste your entire life standing about in a line to take a three minute trip inside a fake rowing boat, but there you go. That’s theme parks for you. And a whole other post.

After a week at Universal and Disney my main take-away was that fast passes, or priority passes or whatever you want to call them, are the key to theme park happiness and contentment, especially if you’re trying to do a number of parks over the course of a week. (We were.) Here’s the thing though: Express Passes for Universal were $195 per day. Per person. It would be completely absurd to even think about buying them, unless you had unlimited budget, but we didn’t buy them because – drumroll please, followed by dramatic pause – they came free with our room at the Hard Rock Hotel!

Yes, the room came with free passes for the day of check-in and check-out and so we got two days’ worth and a night’s stay in the hotel for $540. Total saving? $1020.00.

And one marriage.

There are three hotels at Universal that do this deal – you also get early entry to the parks and, obviously, your accommodation. If I could give one top tip for Universal? I’d stay two nights, finances allowing, in one of the hotels that does the Express Pass benefit and then blitz the parks in the three days I had passes for. The pools at the hotels are brilliant and if you have an all park ticket then there’s a state of the art water park with stupidly scary slides and chutes and all sorts of rides that will give you a prolapse and/or make you regret being born.

Rating for Hard Rock Hotel: 9/10. The rooms were boring, just hundreds of carbon copies of the same thing but comfy, very clean and relatively spacious. The pool was great, the grounds were lovely and it was a very short walk to Universal Studios and not much further to the second park, Islands of Adventure. I give it a 9 almost solely because of the express passes – it makes doing the parks a totally different experience. If I ever went back to Universal then I’d make this hotel/passes deal my budgeting priority.

Would I go back? I actually liked Universal a lot. The whole place is walkable from park to park, unlike Disney, and it feels much smarter and newer and sparkly and impressive. There’s little to feel nostalgic about, which is Disney’s whole MO, but the rides are thrilling and fast and the theming is incredible. Would I go again with an eight and seven year old? No. Most of the rides were a little too scary for them and the true “kids” sections were few and far between. We actually went specifically for the Wizarding Worlds because my eight year-old loves Harry Potter but every ride was too scary and so all we did was ride the Hogwart’s train.

Oh, and the Hippogriff Rollercoaster, which looked like a sort of wicker-effect dragon. Do NOT be fooled by the wicker: this isn’t some garden variety toddler ride. It has drops and it’s fast. I almost died of shock.

Disney World Orlando, Air BnB (Nights 7 to 13)

Halfway through the trip but almost at the end of this holiday post, because I’m going to write about Disney in the next one. I have so much to say! Some of it bad, some of it good, some of it really quite surprising! Yay! Disney! Cute!

By this point in the booking process I was having an absolute conniption over the cost of everything; I knew that a Florida theme park holiday was never going to be the cheapest break on the block but the figures on my budgeting list were stacking up at an alarming rate.

I decided, therefore, to book an AirBnb rather than check us into one of the Disney hotels. After approximately nineteen hours of trawling and researching, I found a place near to Universal in a quiet neighbourhood that hadn’t been furnished like a teenaged boy’s room circa 1991. And it had a pool and it was on a small lake and – what a bonus – it had more than one toilet. Surely this would be better than four of us cramming into the ubiquitous long, narrow twin-bedded hotel room that we would otherwise be looking at?

We’ve been giving this a lot of thought, Rich and I. Again, it’s one for the Disney post (and I’ll have made some sort of sense of it by then) but I’m not actually sure that staying “off-site” was such a good call. Despite the rental house being excellent. On the one hand, the nightly rate for the house was the same as the aforementioned Disney option, but had four bedrooms, a large living space, a pool and a view of a lake (!) but on the other…

…our lives would definitely have been easier had we just plonked ourselves at the parks for a week, returned the car and enjoyed* the piped music, buffet food and endless monorail transfers to the Magic Kingdom. Although it pains me to say it, because I am really not a lover of buffets or bedrooms that have Mickey Mouse transfers on the walls, there has to be something to be said for committing fully when it comes to Disney World. In for a penny, in for a pound. Total immersion. Because much as I liked having a house to escape to it also meant more driving (we spent a couple of hours a day on the I-4 and I now know every exit from that section of Interstate) and it meant having to find places to eat outside of Disney (probably both a blessing and a curse!) and it also meant that once we were in the house, we were in. There was no deciding to trot down in the late evening sun to watch fireworks, or go and get an ice cream. We got back to the house and, more often than not, just went straight to sleep. Perhaps staying on resort would have been more jolly. More in the spirit of things. More…magical.

God, I can’t believe I just typed that.

Verdict on the Holiday We Would All Enjoy:

The kids just rated it the trip a 10/10 when I asked them. Of course they did. Best holiday ever, apparently. Their favourite part? The man on Anna Maria Island who was almost definitely related to the Tiger King and who pulled over to us at the side of the road in his truck so that the kids could, wait for it, pet his baby alligator.

“Don’t worry,” he said, as he fetched it from the back seat of the truck, “I tape her jaws shut when there are kiddies about.”

That made for an interesting conversation about stranger danger, later on that day, I can tell you.

“But he was so kind,” said my eight year old, “I think that he was very kind and, and very sensible.”

Mate, he sleeps with a seven foot gator called Delilah in his bed, you need to brush up on your character judgement skills.

And the adults? How did we rate it? Well. I don’t want to spoil the next post but…Rich and I are unanimous in our thoughts. The theme parks were as expected: intense, chaotic and a complete sensory overload. But strangely, though neither of us would want to do them again any time soon, we did come away from them feeling a sort of satisfaction, as though we’d successfully ticked off some kind of life goal or achievement. Perhaps it was just because it was all so crazily different to normal life – it was definitely an experience and a talking point but, as promised, it will all be in the next post.

What about the tagged-on bit at the start of the holiday, the “Mom n Pop pleaser”? We both agree that, though lovely, it did little in the way of adding to our own enjoyment and if we were going to re-plan it we’d probably save the money and leave it out. Use the cash to go away on our own. (Joke.) (Sort of.) Really, we should have remembered the well-worn parenting mantras when it comes to holidays: “same shit, different scenery” and “it’s all about the kids”. That idea of “rest and relaxation” is, for at least a few years when they’re little, an absolute pipe dream. You’re never going to get to relax properly on a beach, because one of you has to be watching to make sure that the kids don’t disappear down a giant hole, or get squashed by a manatee – that they don’t try to ingest a section of conch shell or drink a “sand milkshake”. You’ll always be hunting for snacks, nagging them to eat some of the “proper food” at mealtimes and stopping for a toilet break twenty minutes after you left the house. Road trips are never going to be like they were many years ago, when you rolled down the car windows and smoked a Marlboro light and planned your route on a fold-out paper map the width of the dashboard…

It just ain’t the same. You can’t force it. Though it’s probably better for our longevity that the Marlboros made a departure…

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Ruth Crilly, DMT.NEWS, DMT BeautySpot,

A quick post today because I am writing this on Easter Sunday, when strictly speaking I should be trying to talk my kids down from their rampant sugar-high. One of them is currently gyrating to the Wonka soundtrack, the other has filled up a water pistol and is “cleaning the insides of the windows”. I have a feeling that hell is about to be unleashed.

This week has already seen hell unleashed, actually, in the form of Dexter the cockapoo’s severe bout of canine gastroenteritis. Never has the Dettol spray seen so much action. The entire house smells of egg, boiled chicken and rotting guts. It’s how I imagine an aeroplane cabin smells when they open the door after a longhaul flight.

Anyway: five favourites. Six things listed, but I cannot recommend one of them (the Anine Bing hoodie) due to the fact that it came “pre-distressed”, which is one of the most ridiculous things I’ve ever witnessed. It looks as though a rat has nibbled its way through the cuffs. I’ve kept the hoodie, obviously, because I am nothing if not consistent when it comes to buying unsuitable garments, but would I recommend it?

The jury’s out. I haven’t found another hoodie with the precise weight and drape and shape that makes this one so very good…but boy was it dear. (It’s here* online.) And so, the five bona fide favourites – make sure you watch the video at the bottom of the page, because that’s where all the action happens:

1. Hortology

I’m still buying cacti. And I’m still buying nice pots to put them in. I get it all from Hortology*, because the Hortology website tells you exactly which pot size and plant opening you need for each plant and then shows you exactly which pots you can select from. Hurray! It just makes it miles easier to order. Painless, I’d go so far as to say.

I need them to increase their cacti range, is my only beef, because I’ve worked my way through most varieties now. My front room looks like Arizona.

If you want £10 off your first order use my link here*

Read: What I Bought From Hortology

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2. Pumps

Well well well, if ballet pumps haven’t gone and made a reappearance! The shoes that have probably given an entire generation collapsed arches and permanent tendon damage! No matter, they look chic and you can slip them on and off without having to bend at the waist – you have to take the wins where you can in this life.

I love these “pony skin” flats from Boden here* – there are some designer ones doing the rounds that look quite similar but cost over £600 so these feel like a bit of a steal by comparison. They are incredibly sturdy – it’s Boden we’re talking about here, after all – and the shape at the toe is relatively wide. You don’t feel as though your toes are being squished. Though I’d say they do come up a tiny bit small, if you’re wondering about sizing.

How could the ballet flat be improved? By sticking a strap across it, of course! Step forward (literally) the Mary Jane. All the low-key sophistication of the ballet flat but with practicality thrown in. What’s not to like?

The satin pumps from Wyse London* are great but most have sold out online – the leather “Pivot” from Russell & Bromley are equally gorgeous, find them online here*.

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3. Snail Headband

Of all the weird things I’ve ever mentioned… this terry towelling headband has been wildly popular each time I’ve worn it on Instagram. It has foamy snail eyes attached. Are they eyes or antennae? Feelers? I don’t even have time to Google because I can hear that the music has changed from Wonka to the Zombies 2 soundtrack downstairs and my son is possibly seconds away from dropping to the floor to do some of his breakdancing. All lamps must be removed from his vicinity if he ever looks as though he might be about to breakdance, we learned that lesson the hard way.

The snail headband is great if you a) need something to hold your hair back with when you wash your face and b) fancy a bit of a laugh. It’s totally absurd.

Find it here* on Amazon, it’s a few quid.

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4. ELF Cleanser

Such a good beauty find: the e.l.f. cosmetics cleansing balm. Affordable cleansing balms are quite thin on the ground, really – I feel as though mainstream mass brands are cottoning on to the fact that people want cleansers other than just “face wash”, but it’s slow progress.

Thank you, then, to e.l.f. cosmetics who have come up with a pot of cleansing unctuousness that is at once highly effective at makeup and grime removal and easy on the wallet. £11 a pot, breaks down into an oil that’s lovely to massage in and then flannels off to leave skin really clean but not at all tight.

You can find it here* online.

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5. Straighteners

I did a comparison video on Instagram the other day: GHD Chronos vs Remington Ceramic 230. One pair costs ten times the price of the other pair. If you want to find out how they both fared, you can watch the video here.

Hair straightening is one of this month’s favourites because I have been doing it regularly and enthusiastically in an attempt to get me painlessly through my “growing out the bob” phase.

Read: How To Grow Out A Bob

I realise my hair will have the look and texture of old straw by the time we reach May – I’m trying out various heat protectants to try and mitigate the damage – but now I’ve started with the straightening irons, I just can’t seem to stop.

I can now see why people get addicted to straightening: it’s quick, foolproof and makes hair look instantly more groomed. I can straighten my hair in about an eighth of the time it takes to curl or wave it and it takes absolutely no skill. How have I only just discovered it now, in my forties? All that wasted time…

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OK I’m off. It’s a Christmas (Easter?) miracle that I haven’t heard the sound of breaking glass coming from the kitchen/dancefloor and I don’t want to push my luck. I’m actually ducking out for a couple of weeks now and so I shall see you on the other side!

 

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Fancy a delve into my springtime makeup bag? Why does that sound so dirty? Is it just me? This is what happens when I spend days editing content all by myself without any sensible adult conversation…

You should know that I very rarely change my makeup looks according to the season; if you’re expecting spring-appropriate colours here then prepare to be bitterly disappointed. There will be no pastel lip shades or eyeshadows in hues of mini egg blue and daffodil yellow. I do not suit those colours in the winter, so why would they suddenly look good now? Ditto the fiery auburns and reds that appear in the autumnal makeup collections, brought out to coincide with the turning of the leaves and the lighting of the bonfires: they make me look as though I’ve contracted myxomatosis. No matter what the season.

So there’s no real colour shake-up here. I know we’re supposed to “have fun with makeup” and “play around with shades” and that “you’ll never know what works for you if you don’t experiment” but, quite frankly, I do know what works and that’s why I don’t experiment. Twelve years as a fashion model and then fourteen years writing about beauty (with a bit of crossover) means that I’ve had just about every makeup look going plastered on my face. Do I need to clart around with a primary colours palette to find out that I will hate wearing winged liner in Kermit green? No I do not. I mean, each to their own – and some people love a winged liner in Kermit green – but I’d say the vast majority of adult women just want their face to look like a slightly fresher, more awake, marginally more glamorous version of the face nature so lovingly bestowed upon them.

Ad info: no paid or sponsored content. Post contains press samples sent with no obligation to review and any affiliate links are marked *. 

And this is why, friends, the general gist of my makeup bag rarely changes. There are tweaks to it – new and wondrous product discoveries come along, improvements in formulas happen that jilt firm favourites from their top spots and I’m always learning better application tricks and techniques – but as for the final look? I’m never suddenly going to start rocking an “oil-slick eye” to do the school run.

So. What are this season’s tweaks? What are the new and wondrous product discoveries? Read on. Or, if you want to skip the blurb and get straight to the twenty minute-long melée of casual chat and real-time makeup application then scroll to the bottom of the page and click “play” on the video screen.

Makeup Bag Tweaks for Spring 2024

Perhaps I should start by mentioning the things that haven’t been tweaked; I always think that if a product stays in my makeup bag for months (or years!) on end then it’s even more deserving of a nod than the new stuff. In this case we have good old Lancome Teint Idole Care & Glow* (full review here) which is now my number one foundation. Medium coverage, a fresh finish and a glow that is just about there. It’s not a visible dewiness that looks as though it would be slippery to the touch (as with NARS Tinted Moisturiser, for example, or the ILIA Serum Foundation) but a grown-up, sophisticated je ne sais quoi.

Used even more than the Lancome, though, is the Kevyn Aucoin Stripped Nude Tint*. (I use shade ST04 but can also get away with ST03.) This is my staple skin base for any day I won’t be on camera in some shape or form. (If I’m going to be on film it’s just safer to have more coverage because I never know how skin will look in low light, or in bright outdoors light, and a higher coverage means that it just looks good whatever the lighting conditions.)

The Stripped Nude Tint is, in my opinion, makeup perfection for anyone who wants an all-in-one, sophisticated skin finishing solution. It has the sheer coverage and glow of a tinted moisturiser but the flawless, blurring finish of a foundation. It’s hard to describe, but it’s as though it throws an extra veil of wizardry over the sheer layer of coverage it gives; if you had a blemish it would still show through, and if you have dark circles you’d still need a concealer, but the overall effect is that the skin looks unified in tone and imperfections are softened.

I really, really need to do a standalone foundation review on this one don’t I? Will get to it. Sharpish. You can find it at Space NK here*.

Old favourites covered: let’s get to the new tweaks.

Recently I’ve been playing about with the Sweed Miracle Powder (here* online): a powder foundation (I use Medium-Light) that feels almost creamy to the touch and simply melts into the skin. It gives a massively glowy finish. It’s almost too much to use over the T-Zone, really, and I’d avoid areas with fine lines and enlarged pores (because it will highlight them) but whisked on as a finishing/setting powder over tinted moisturisers or CC creams or what have you it is sublime. Extra coverage and a mega dose of glow – and any overly-dewy base products beneath it are set in place without dulling down the shine.

Then a couple of budget discoveries: the Camo Blush in Peachy Pink from e.l.f. cosmetics (£7 here*) and Revlon’s Colorstay cream eyeshadows. Specifically in shades Praline and Caramel (find them online here*) but they all have a very refined texture that slides beautifully onto the lids, blends easily and then stays in place for as long as needed. Take a look at the video to see how this looks in real life – even if you’re at work and you can’t have the sound on, just scan through and have a peek. It’s a great bargain buy!

The blush too – I’ve featured the Cargo Blush before but in the brighter shades. This one, in Peachy Pink, feels almost like a different product. I think because you can apply more of it (you can only use a speck of the brighter ones, they are so pigmented!) then you see more of the true texture. It leaves skin almost glossed, it’s very pretty. Again, watch the video to see it in action.

The lip routine is the same as always: liner in a discreet colour just to re-sketch the fading lipline back in (makes a world of difference, it really plumps them out) and then something soft and luscious and low-key to fill in the middle. I’ve been using Sweed’s Le Lipstick in Gabriella Beige Tan (online here*) over the usual Rare Beauty liner.

I have a few of these liners in different shades, this one is called Creative and has a hint of pink – it’s £15 at Space NK here*. It has a wind-up mechanism rather than requiring a sharpener and the liner is smooth to apply but long-lasting once set.

I also hugely rate the bronzing stick from the same brand (online here*) – I’ve been using it since it launched, which must be coming on for two years ago. Maybe three? Surely not. Anyway, I use the shade “Happy Sol” and just scribble it onto my face like a toddler before gently buffing in with a big brush. It’s great if you like that more sculpted look because if you scribble it on like a (very precise) toddler just underneath the cheekbones and to the sides of the temples it’s very quick to give it a cursory buff and achieve an easy contour.

Right, you need to watch the video now. Otherwise all that happens is I spend seven hours writing up what is basically a slightly embellished transcription of it. You can trawl back through historic What’s In My Makeup Bag posts and videos by clicking here – if only to confirm my earlier assertion that my makeup looks never really change. My face just gets thinner and less cherubic year on year…

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Products Featured:

Snail Headband, £3.79*: https://amzn.to/43sLiXA

Lancome Teint Idole Care & Glow, I use shade 220C, currently £31.60 at Boots*: https://bit.ly/4aPDhiP

Sweed Miracle Powder in Medium Light, £38 at Cult Beauty*: https://bit.ly/3IPgcjm

Rare Beauty Bronzer in Happy Sol, £25*: https://bit.ly/3NA4WKI

Elf Camo Blush in Peachy Pink, £7*: https://bit.ly/3xaQiE6

Revlon Creme Eyeshadow in Caramel, £6.99 at Amazon*: https://amzn.to/3xcyqZy

Vieve Eye Wand in Coffee, £23 at Cult Beauty*: https://bit.ly/4ctwRXE

Anastasia Brow Gel, £13 at Cult Beauty*: https://bit.ly/3TNi6Y0

Becca Eye Palette in Ombré Nudes, discontinued

L’Oréal Telescopic Mascara, £6.99*: https://amzn.to/3Tt1gfZ

Sweed Gabriella Beige Tan lipstick, £22*: https://bit.ly/3VtfEHz

Kevyn Aucoin Stripped Nude Tint in ST04, £36 at Space NK*: https://bit.ly/49acDQd

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I’m growing out my shorter hair so that it will sit just above the shoulder and am told by my hair stylist that what I am officially doing is going from a “bob” to a “lob”. For the past two years I’ve swung between these two comically-named hair lengths and have had (obviously) every length in between and so I thought that I could share some expertise on the matter: namely, how to grow your hair through that tricky middle phase. When it no longer hugs the jaw and looks cool and choppy, but is not yet long enough or weighty enough to hang nicely.

The Lord Farquaad Stage. The Triangular Era. When the hair seemingly only wants to grow outwards rather than downwards and gets more and more wedge-like the longer it gets. It’s hair purgatory: you’re left waiting around for an indefinite amount of time, wondering what the hell you can do to stop yourself from looking like a Brownie Leader from the eighties.

Here’s what – and all credit goes to my hair colourist and stylist Cassie* for these cutting tips:

1 – Keep it trimmed. Don’t think that by ignoring the cut as it’s growing out you can speed up the process: it’ll just look crappier for longer. I’ve found that it’s even more important to stay on top of the cut, because in that nowhere land that is “between jaw and shoulder” any straggliness is so much more obvious. The hair ends are just hanging there, as though on display. So keep having it cut regularly and:

2 – Ask for some of the weight to be taken out of the back, if you have thick hair or lots of fine hair. I’ve just had the back sliced into (there’s no layering) to take out some of the heft and I’ve found that my hair is sitting more neatly and doesn’t billow out behind me like the hair of a medieval lute player.

3 – Also talk to your hairdresser about getting an A-line cut. This is when the hair is cut ever so slightly longer at the front, gradually getting shorter as you get to the back. We’re talking subtle amounts of difference here, not the full Vidal Sassoon works – it just seems to make the shape look more purposeful. Rather than apologetic. It’s also much more modern-looking – I get my shorter bobs cut A-line too, it’s a nifty little trick.

So by taking some weight out of the back and retaining the lovely A-line cut that I have when it’s shorter, I feel as though I mostly manage to avoid the dreaded Lord Farquaad triangle-head of doom. The one (massive) boon with growing it, though, full-stop, is that it’s finally long enough to tie back and so if there is ever a very bad triangle-head day I can just whack it into a (still very puny and very little) bun.

In fact that’s really the reason I’m growing it back out to the shoulder, or just above it; much as I love the messy bob for its instant coolness and ability to just look great with very little styling involved, I really miss being able to scrape it back into a bun or ponytail.

Exhibit C (the bun):

Let’s all take a guess at how long it’ll be before I get tired of always pulling it back into a ponytail and want to chop it all off again…

By the way, there is absolutely nothing wrong at all with having any hair length between jaw and shoulder – my hair stylist actually likes the length I have now more than she’s liked any other cut she’s done – it’s just a popular hair “danger area” because it’s the length where a lot of people come unstuck. They start to grow out shorter hair but don’t have it re-cut and re-shaped as they go and – well – we’ve discussed what happens. Medieval lute players unite.

*I have my hair cut and coloured at The Suite in Bath and have done for years. I am a fully paying customer and go to Cassie or Mathilde, you can find their website here.

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January “favourites” and what an eclectic mix we have going on here. Family photo albums, rubber stamps and a stand-up show that will have you chortling away and wishing for more.

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Let’s begin with the stamps though, because I’ve bored my friends and family enough with these and need to move onto new victims. I’m going to give you two good reasons why stamps (the rubber sort that you ink, not the ones you stick to envelopes) need to become part of your life and the first reason is incredibly wholesome. Because don’t you miss the fun little craft projects of your childhood? Remember colouring in for hours on end, or cutting up bits of paper and glueing them to other bits of paper and then getting them all over the floor and table and wondering why your mum always looked so…fatigued? Crafty stuff was great. We loved it and then we became adults and most of us just stopped. No time, no desire to create extra mess, no real need to create anything whatsoever.

What if I gave you something marginally crafty and artistic to do that didn’t really make mess and that satisfied the urge to produce something nice to look at whilst requiring minimum effort?

Stamps! They’re bloody foolproof! Someone else has done the hard, artistic bit; you just need to ink the thing and slap it on some paper, Early Man style. Mindless, childish escapism and because someone with talent has made the stamp it also makes you look and feel quite accomplished. Tempted? Good: I am a stamp influencer now. A stampfluencer.

But wait: it’s not just the satisfying, highly therapeutic nature of ink-stamping I’m selling to you here. That was just the first reason. What if – reason two – stamping could actually save you money? Think about all of those notecards and birthday cards and Funky Pigeon things you spend on constantly and imagine if you could simply pop open your stamps box (yes, I have made one) and print yourself something lovely and charmingly rustic to send to your nearest and dearest? Or to your child’s perpetual rota of classmates who seem to have about eight birthdays a year? Each?

Grab your Catherine Redgate stamp (special edition ones that make it look as though every card has been hand-illustrated, absolute genius) and press it onto a (recycled paper for extra wholesomeness points) card, then slip the card into a brown envelope and you’re away.

You can get bespoke stamps, lovely stamps with your company branding, stamps to make patterns with (I printed my own Christmas wrapping paper after seeing The English Stamp Company do it on Instagram, which was what started the whole thing off) and there are dozens of pretty botanical and animal stamps to personalise your stationery or make greeting cards or anything you fancy.

You can find the English Stamp website here – they’ve given me a code for readers to get 10% off, it’s RUTHCRILLY10.

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From printing my own cards to…printing my own family photo albums. Granted I don’t do the actual printing but even choosing the photos and ordering them correctly takes hours on end and so I’m claiming the praise for these Papier books.

I’ve used Papier a few times before; I like that their photobooks have a sort of matted-down finish that looks very chic and stylish. If you want glossy vibrancy and crazy Comic Sans captioning (my Mum) then this might be too understated for you, but I love the Millennial vibes. Possibly because I’m so close to being an actual Millennial. (Born 1980. Keep wheeling out that fact to make me feel more relevant and youthful.)

Just be careful when you’re choosing photos for these books – make sure they have good brightness. It’s very easy to be tricked into thinking photos look great because everything looks nice and vivid on a backlit screen; different story in print. Turn your screen brightness right down to about 20% and think to yourself: does this picture need some extra lift? Are there areas that are just varying shades of black? I have to do quite a bit of tweaking.

You can get £10 off at Papier with my MentionMe link here* – this is just the standard customer one you get at checkout, so once you order yourself you will get your own code to pass along to friends and family. Every little helps, etc.

Anyway, I’m doing one photo album for every year since having my first baby and I’m currently on 2019, so quite a bit to catch up on. I’ve decided going forward to put photos into a special phone album as I go along to cut out the bulk of the sorting work. Honestly, it took hours per book! But worth it.

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Next favourite: entirely free and I’m sure you’ll get excellent value from it: it’s the comedian Jen Brister’s comedy show, The Optimist. I had tickets to see this live last year but was ill and so I was overjoyed when Jen announced that she was posting the televised version online. She’s wicked. In every way. Highly recommend taking an hour or so out of your evening to sit with this on and laugh along to her rants. She’s like a very sexy John Cleese when she starts losing the plot…

Jen Brister The Optimist

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Now to the beauty favourites. Some clear winners here – these are things that made me instantly go oooh and make a mental note to tell you about them. First, the Bio-Active Ceramide Enriched Moisturiser from The Inkey List. A highly nourishing, deeply hydrating face cream that manages to be rich yet completely non-greasy and that helps to repair the skin barrier. (Something most people need these days because they use every single acid and retinoid on the market, all at the same time, six-and-a-half days a week. It’s a problem.)

Inkey List don’t do frills or fancy packaging but the cream itself is a silky, luxurious-feeling sophisticate that costs less than twenty quid. You cannot go wrong with this. Decant it into a fancy glass pot, if packaging is what floats your boat!

Inkey List Ceramide Enriched Moisturiser*

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Some hair heroes to finish, ones that are particularly good if you have hair that requires styling (or is the sort of length that looks better choppy and casual rather than silky and sleek) and doesn’t do well with heavy, ultra-moisturising products.

Firstly the Cool Girl wash and conditioner from Sam McKnight (online here*): these properly nourish hair without weighing it down. If you like to wave or curl your hair and you need to retain as much texture and volume as possible but still want to help repair and prevent damage then this range is just the ticket. Packaging comes in the perfect shade of pink, as a sidenote. Meaningless to some but I rather like the fact it matches my bathroom tiles!

Then the Arkive Everyday range. The conditioner is slightly – just slightly – heavier than Sam McKnight’s one, but still doesn’t weigh hair down and leaves everything feeling soft and light and ready to style. You can find Arkive at Boots here*. It’s sometimes on offer in their 3-for-2 promotions so worth stocking up when you spot it!

Right. I’m off to stamp some things. Fast running out of paper, so if you see me walking about with what looks like multiple cat tattoos on my arms, neck and face then fear not – I’ll have just treated myself to a different sort of inking.

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