Editorial use only. No book cover usage. Mandatory Credit: Photo by Moviestore/Shutterstock (1556510a) Addams Family Values, Anjelica Huston, Raul Julia Film and Television
Are you goth? But no, like are you really goth? Do you fancy yourself a modern-day Wednesday Addams? Does the prospect of living in a haunted mansion excite you? If so, there is a place for sale in Baltimore, MD that might be your dream home — or maybe nightmare.
Located just south of Baltimore’s downtown, this house features at least four coffin-shaped fixtures — including an actual coffin. Filled to the brim with guillotine art (yes, that’s a thing), Grim Reaper decor, and a faux hearse embedded into the wall, for just $225,000, you could make this your final resting place. Or at least your home for now. The one-bedroom home boasts a modern, monochrome funeral home aesthetic throughout. And don’t worry, as far as realtor Matt Godbey knows, the previous owner was not a vampire. Probably.
The 1,514-square-foot, one-bedroom and one-bathroom home was built in 1940, and while there’s no guarantee there’s a ghost in-residence, there’s no guarantee there’s not a ghost — it would just not be a super-old ghost, so, like, a boomer ghost. If somehow you are still not planning your move to this haunted house in the making, what if we told you that we looked it up on Google Maps and it was only a short distance from a park? See? Even the spookiest places have to have some charming features in order to lure you in. Even funeral homes are all about curb appeal.
Haunted or not, we would be remiss to skip over the outdoor space. Did we mention the giant spider web above the large, 14-foot stone wet bar? Imagine the backyard parties you could host! There are even a fire pit and a haunting mural along the side of the detached garage. This is definitely the home of someone who hosts the best Halloween party every year.
If you’re still not sold on the place just yet, what if we told you that the lofted bedroom has an entire mirrored enclave perfect for a gothic, four-poster bed? If funeralcore is your thing, we can’t imagine wanting to live anywhere else.
In an interview with Slate, Godbey said that the home listing photos are actually a toned down version of how the place is normally, noting: “Well, you should have seen it before.” We imagine he said that in a haunted lilt before staring off into the distance for dramatic effect, then continuing: “He somewhat neutralized it. Some of the things in there, I told him, will frighten people. There were about 25 mannequins in the basement and some upstairs.”
Did he say basement? Yes, he did. Rounding out the house is a finished basement which we think is meant to be turned into a home theater for legendary horror movie marathons. It is that room’s destiny and we cannot be convinced otherwise. Did he say 25 mannequins? Yes, he also did, but we’re not even going to touch that because it’s actually too scary for us to contemplate.
You know what they say: Nothing haunts us like the things we didn’t buy. And, you know, the thought of more than two-dozen mannequins in a basement.
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A disclaimer: One of my least favorite places in the world is the so-called “feminine hygiene” aisle at my local drugstore. Under horrible fluorescent lights sits an array of largely unnecessary vaginal products, often packaged in the unnatural pink hue of Hubba Bubba Bubble Tape. Sure, some of them are legit, but seeing vaginal “cleansers” and “odor blockers” on the same shelves as tampons and Monistat causes a visceral reaction in me that’s only matched when I see a MAGA hat or hear the word “moist.”
But the latest of such products caught me especially off guard, because I wasn’t bracing for it the way I usually do the moment I enter my local pharmacy. Someone sent me a tweet featuring a product called Down There Wash, billed on the label as “a hoorah for your hoo-ha.” I rolled my eyes and responded, “More like a product to screw ya for your moolah, am I right?” I assumed that this was just another superfluous item I’d see around my most dreaded drugstore aisle. But the more I learned about this particular product, the more my light-hearted brush-off bubbled over into total contempt. Down There Wash wasn’t just your average vaginal health scam. It was wrong in so, so many ways.
In fact, so plentiful were my issues with the product that I decided to make a list of everything problematic about Down There Wash. Here goes…
1) Its name.
I’ll start with the obvious. I used the term “down there” to describe my vagina when I was like, 10. You’re marketing to adults (I hope). Use anatomically correct terms, please.
2) The appropriation of African American Vernacular English (AAVE).
The bottle’s label is peppered with cutesy, slang-y, trying-too-hard phrases. It calls the vagina and/or vulva a “hoo ha,” a “bajingo,” and a “little V,” and says things like, “this ain’t your grandma’s douche!” Some of these terms aren’t just annoying — they’re troubling. As folks on Twitter pointed out, the bottle’s branding appears to be created by non-Black people using African American Vernacular English (AAVE) to get their message across.
“The vagina (internal) is a magical self-cleaning machine, but the vulva (external) is a whole other thang,” Down There Wash’s blush pink bottle reads. The label continues, “The wrong thing can throw off her natural pH, which leads to dry, itchy skin, UTIs, yeast infections, odor, & more. Byeee felicia thank u, next! C U NEVER. [sic]”
— Stay in the car, we’re still going to revolution (@THEEBlackleftie) March 28, 2021
“This is not branding,” one person wrote on Twitter. “This is trying to advertise yourself in a culture you really don’t know anything about. “Thang” “bye felicia” and yet no other AAVE. Okay… this isn’t it. [sic]”
A spokesperson for Goodwipes, which makes Down There Wash, confirmed the language featured on the bottle that went viral on Twitter is up to date, but has not responded to Refinery29’s request for comment on their use of AAVE.
“Our passion at Goodwipes is to make people feel GOOD, and the communication surrounding pH-balance on the back of the washes is meant to educate on this topic, while breaking through ‘taboo’ topics, empowering our consumers, and speaking to them like we would to our girlfriends,” Maria Guilbault, Goodwipes chief branding officer, told Refinery29 in an email. “We always aim to communicate in a relatable, authentic way that makes people feel more comfortable in situations in which they may have previously been unnecessarily wary… Life is too short not to keep it real and laugh about it all along the way! :)”
🙁
3) The gendering of a vaginal product.
This product inaccurately assumes that all vulvas — and people with them — use “she/her” pronouns.
4) The vaginal fear-mongering.
As you read, the back of the bottle offers up a few vaginal health worst case scenarios, seemingly to terrify people into buying this product. There was a time in my life when I’d do, buy, or try anything to avoid even the idea of a urinary tract infection. Down There Wash’s language isn’t just over the top, but it could scare people into buying something they simply don’t need.
A vaginal or vulva pH wash or “cleanser” — whether you’re buying it from Goodwipes, Vee, HoneyPot or other brands selling something similar — isn’t necessary, explains Mary Jane Minkin, MD, OB/GYN at Yale University School of Medicine. “When it comes to the vagina, if you don’t have a problem, don’t create problem,” she says. Meaning if you’re not having any symptoms such as itchiness, burning, dryness, or odor, there’s no need to change up your vaginal health routine. If you do have an issue, bring it to your OB/GYN’s attention before your bring some mystery product into the shower with you.
Does the vulva need to be washed? Sure, but you really don’t need a special product, notes Heather Bartos, MD, an OB/GYN in Texas. “Really, some warm water is all you have to have to clean your vulva,” she says, adding that if you have to use something, it should be doctor-tested, hypoallergenic, and fragrance-free: “Anything you use on the vulva can easily enter the super-sensitive vagina, so what’s in the product matters — like fragrance.” I zoomed in on the fine print so you don’t have to: Fragrance is listed as an ingredient in Down There Wash.
Also worth mentioning: When Refinery29 asked if the Goodwipes worked with an doctor to create their product, they cited a quote from the OB/GYN Sherry Ross, MD — but in a follow-up email confirmed they didn’t work directly with her. Instead, they said they specifically worked with a chemist and, more vaguely, “did copious amounts of research.” Okay!
In the end, Dr. Bartos put it best: “This product went a little overboard with its marketing strategy and somehow ended up — even in 2021 — making people feel shameful about their vulva… I cringed reading it.”
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In addition to the requisite sexy massage candles we keep on our nightstand, we make sure to have a votive or two that are tailor-made to help us chill out before bed. Because, even if you happen to be an easy sleeper, there’s nothing better than filling your home with a soothing, dreamy scent to help your body let go of the day’s tensions and prepare for eight hours of rest.
There are plenty of calming candle scents to choose from — and they all offer their own specific benefits. With the help of scent specialist Wendy Robbins' aromatherapy database, we’ve selected our favorite sleep-friendly soothing candles, infused with oils and herbs, ranging from chamomile to ylang ylang. Consider these dreamy votives the secret ingredient in your bedtime routine.
Read on to discover the scent that just might prepare your body for a better night’s sleep. (Just remember to put the candle out before hitting the hay.)
NORD Black Spruce & Pine Scented Candle
The scent: Black spruce, pine The sensation: Can’t get that one awkward conversation or nagging assignment off your mind before bed? Black spruce is thought to clear our thoughts and dispel feelings of defeat, making it the perfect choice if you get hung up on minor snags before bed.
LOHN NORD Scented Candle - Black Spruce & Pine, $, available at The Detox Market
Parachute Dusk Candle
The scent: Patchouli The sensation: Complete your evening wind-down with the scent of patchouli, which is known to be highly grounding, balancing, and mood-harmonizing.
Parachute Dusk Scented Candle, $, available at Parachute
Molton Brown Ylang-Ylang Candle
The scent: Ylang ylang The sensation: This sensual scent is said to ease guilt, stress, and physical tension. If you find yourself plagued with thoughts of the day ahead before falling asleep, this is the candle you need.
Molton Brown Ylang-Ylang Single Wick Candle, $, available at SkinStorePhoto: Courtesy of Molton Brown.
Malin + Goetz Dark Rum Candle
The scent: Dark rum, bergamot The sensation: The bergamot quiets inner turmoil, while the dark rum's heady, luxurious notes help you unwind. And you thought a glass or two of the stuff could put you to sleep.
Malin + Goetz dark rum candle., $, available at Malin + Goetz
RareESSENCE Dream Aromatherapy Spa Candle
The scent: Lavender, armoise The sensation: Lavender is a famously soothing scent, but what makes this candle unique is the armoise, a.k.a. mugwort, which is highly restorative and comforting.
rareESSENCE Aromatherapy Spa Candle - Dream, $, available at Amazon
Farmhouse Pottery Vermont Fir Candle
The scent: Vermont fir, Pine The sensation: Pine of all sorts has been used for cleansing purposes throughout history — and fir is no exception. It banishes negative thoughts, and it's even said to clear congestion, so consider this scent good dream insurance.
Farmhouse Pottery Vermont Fir Candle, $, available at Food52
Paddywax Palo Santo Suede Candle
The scent: Palo Santo The sensation: Just like burning Palo Santo in its raw form, this candle has powerful grounding and purifying effects. It can be energizing, too, so this is best used a few hours before going to sleep. We suggest lighting it, then reading or meditating.
Paddywax Form Glazed Ceramic Candle - Palo Santo Suede, $, available at Nordstrom
WXY. Amber Frankincense Candle
The scent: Frankincense, amber Thesensation: Long considered a holy scent, frankincense works against conflict and bad feelings. Ever been told you shouldn't go to bed angry? Light this candle, and avoid that issue completely.
WXY. Mini Amber Black Ash & Frankincense Candle, $, available at ASOS
Crenshaw Candles Myrrh Sandalwood Candle
The scent: Myrrh The sensation: This is about as close to nightmare-repellent as you can get. Myrrh’s transcendental properties aid meditation and protect us against ill-intended thoughts (whether from others or our own).
Crenshaw Candles Myrrh & Sandalwood Soy Candle., $, available at Etsy
AromaWorks Light Petitgrain and Lavender Candle
The scent: Petitgrain, lavendar The sensation: This candle will help you sleep during emotionally trying times. Petitgrain heals hurt feelings and restores emotions.
Aromaworks Light Petitgrain and Lavender Candle, $, available at Amazon
Public Goods Lavender & Vanilla Candle
The scent: Lavender The sensation: Once again, lavender lends a grounding hand in making this candle perfect for your nightstand
public goods Lavender & Vanilla Scented Candle, $, available at public goods
Apotheke Signature White Vetiver Candle
The scent: Vetiver The sensation: Vetiver encourages us to let love into the areas of our lives where we might push back against affection. Its scent creates an air of comfort and understanding — just the setting to lull us to sleep.
Apotheke Signature White Vetiver Candle, $, available at Nordstrom
Boy Smells Prunus Candle
The scent: Yuzu The sensation: This citrusy scent helps with anxiety, nervousness, and general bedtime jitters. And, as if that wasn’t enough, this candle melts into a sensual massage oil.
Boy Smells Prunus Candle, $, available at Standard Dose
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NEW YORK, NEW YORK – FEBRUARY 19: Chrissy Teigen arrives at NBC studios with daughter Luna on February 19, 2020 in New York City. (Photo by Gotham/GC Images)
In the past week, Chrissy Teigen has deleted her Twitter, launched her plant-based home-cleaning line in collaboration with Kris Jenner, and still found time to have a midlife crisis. Well, not exactly — but the model and cookbook author did reveal a new, temporary look she called her “midlife crisis hair.”
In an Instagram post, Teigen showed off waist-length silver-blue hair, which she wore to the taping of an upcoming project with comedian Sebastian Maniscalco. “This man, one of the most brutally funny people I’ve ever met, didn’t say a word about my mid-life crisis hair for the entire taping,” Teigen wrote alongside a photo with Maniscalco and his wife, Lana Gomez.
In another Instagram post, Teigen gave fans a closer look at her icy hair, which she makes clear is very much a wig. “Trust me it’s my midlife lol,” she captioned the clip of her tucking the silvery hair behind one ear.
Teigen has switched up her hair a few times over the past several months: In January, she wore lavender hair in a similar center-parted, nearly waist-length style. Just before the holidays, she made a case for “The Rachel” haircut, then added extensions to make the color a ombré honey blonde.
Like most bouts of aging-related anxiety, Teigen’s metallic wig came and went, and she’s already back to her signature caramel-brown color. The good news is that, at 35, the star still hasn’t hit the halfway point of the average life expectancy for a woman in the United States — so there’s no reason she has to commit to just one midlife-crises hairstyle.
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My amazingly chic friend, Courtney, launched her equally chic CBD line in 2020 {perfect timing}. Whether you want to smoke her pre-rolled joints, take a full dropper of her oil or simply soak in a tub with Stevie’s bath salts and a candle, I am obsessed with everything this brand is doing.
