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Let me make this crystal clear…

Women dig a confident man!

That’s not just me spouting off – that’s science talking.

David Klow, a Chicago-based Psychotherapist and owner of Skylight Counseling Center states that “women like direct and confident men the same way a salsa dancer likes a good lead.”

I’d argue that there’s an even more primal reason why women find the confident man way more attractive than his vacillating counterpart.  In a nutshell, he offers her a much better chance for survival.  Yeah, it sounds pretty caveman-ish, I know, but who am I to argue with biological evolution?

A perfect example: Charles Bronson was certainly no Brad Pitt in the looks department, but the women of his era were tripping over themselves to get at him.  Why? Because the gruff confidence he exuded superseded his looks and yielded a brand of strength and power (and sexiness) they just couldn’t resist.

Let’s face it – confidence can be the great equalizer when it comes to attracting women.

But confidence isn’t just exclusive to a man’s carnal conquests.  A self-assured man is also comfortable in his true self and knows he has worth.  Because of his confidence, people believe in him. It helps him connect well with others, offers him a greater chance at success and gives him an overall feeling of happiness and contentment.

So, with the ripped biceps of psychological characteristics being so important to our mental balance and well-being, why do so many of us (whether consciously or subconsciously) sabotage it so often?  Why do we self-subvert (and contribute to the destruction of) this intangible attribute that makes us so awesome?

Here are 8 mistakes you’re making that are crushing your confidence.

 

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Click Here To Watch The Video – 10 Mistakes That INSTANTLY Destroy YOUR Confidence

1. Always Seeking Validation From Others
2. Never Developing Your Skills
3. Ignoring Your Health
4. Refusing To Help Others
5. Staying In A Toxic Relationship
6. Feeling Sorry For Yourself
7. Listening To The Voices In Your Head
8. Not Forgiving Yourself

 

1. Always Seeking Validation From Others

Let go of that need for praise and acknowledgment from others!  After all, validation is (according to Dr. Karen Hall) nothing more than recognition and acceptance through the prism of someone else’s experiences.

Sure, even the most independent men need a little validation in some aspects of their lives, getting feedback and encouragement from others feels good, but the problem arises when their opinions of you, their approval, trumps your own opinions about yourself – one’s constructed through the prism of your experiences.

This could potentially lead to a constant need for an externality you can’t control…and that ain’t good for the old self-confidence, my friend.

 

2. Not Taking The Time To Develop A Valuable Skill

Ever wonder why a gainfully employed man is always more hopeful and positive than his jobless counterpart?

It’s because the man with the job has a particular skill, and that skill gives him value.

Every day he trades that skill to his company, his community, and society as a whole and in return receives the things that give his life meaning: financial security for himself and the warm fuzziness in knowing he’s a provider for his family and a positive contributor to the world in general.

The man who doesn’t know these things in his life is a man whose self-esteem will surely suffer.

 

3. Ignoring Your Health

There are so many things in life out of your control, but your general health isn’t one of them.  Sure, we are all predisposed with certain genetic malfunctions whose strings we can’t pull, but most of the bad health stuff that happens to us is caused by the decisions and actions of that guy staring back at you in the mirror.

According to urologist Dr. Dan Williams, mild and moderate erectile dysfunction affects approximately 10 percent of men per decade of life (i.e., 50 percent of men in their 50s, 60 percent of men in their 60s).

Since obesity, smoking and excessive alcohol consumption are three of the biggest contributors to this certain confidence killer – you only have that limp guy in the mirror to blame.

 

4. Not Being Of Service To Others

The selfless concern for the well-being of others can be a very positive (and powerful) force in a man’s life.

Living life under virtues like service and benevolence makes him feel principled and decent, both attributes that bolster his confidence and self-awareness in the world.

Conversely, being a self-absorbed a-hole produces the opposite effect – go figure! The selfish man doesn’t know that warm, right-out-of-the-oven chocolate chip cookie feeling that serving others bestows.  That feeling gives him purpose and balance and allows him to hold his head high.

Instead, a jaded heart beats inside the selfish man’s chest, and it pumps through him the blood of arrogance – not confidence.

 

5. Staying In A Toxic Relationship

Walking away is hard.  Being alone is a scary proposition for many men, but it’s better than the alternative of sticking around in a poisonous union.

Constant browbeating from a toxic partner prevents personal growth because it makes the person on the receiving end feel small and insignificant – in some severe cases, emasculated and weak.

If you look up antonyms of confident, you will definitely find words like these. So, accept that you can do better then muster up the fortitude and courage to make that split so you can get back that mojo you’ll need to get out there and try again.

 

6. Feeling Sorry For Yourself

Woe is me!  How many of us have felt that at one time or another?  I’m guessing every single one of us.

We all unconsciously shape who we are by the thoughts we produce, and because some of those thoughts impose boundaries we set for ourselves, many of us have very inconsequential limits in life and achieve very inconsequential results.

The byproduct of all this is, you guessed it, self-pity. And the byproduct of wallowing in self-pity is the complete destruction of confidence.

So, practice some positive thought control and break that confidence killing chain at the first link.

 

7. Listening To The Voices In Your Head 

For every yin there's a yang, and for every angel that sits on a man’s shoulder, there's a good chance that his pitch-forked nemesis is sitting on the other.

Sometimes listening to that inner voice can be a good thing. A productive thing. It tells us to call an Uber when we’re drunk. It convinces us that those 10-1 odds are probably a sucker's bet.

It is a rational voice that looks out for us and keeps us safe. However, sometimes there’s the other voice, and this voice has nefarious intentions.

Sometimes he reminds us of our past failures.  He dangles our insecurities in front of us, persuading us to act out on our dark thoughts. He is a dark force that will destroy our egos and our confidence if we allow him – so don’t allow him.

 

8. Not Forgiving Yourself

Why is it that we’re prone to forgive others much easier (and quicker) than we forgive ourselves?  Carrying around that weight of self-imposed guilt from not letting go is like a lead cannonball around our necks.  It's a cancer that eats away at all our future possibilities. Because when we don’t forgive ourselves, we are letting the past control our present and our future.

We all make mistakes, and we all need to move past them.

And maybe it’s just me, but I haven’t seen too many confident, self-assured men driving around in their nice cars with the trunks loaded full of emotional baggage.

 

Summary

1. Always Seeking Validation From Others
2. Never Developing Your Skills
3. Ignoring Your Health
4. Refusing To Help Others
5. Staying In A Toxic Relationship
6. Feeling Sorry For Yourself
7. Listening To The Voices In Your Head
8. Not Forgiving Yourself

So… why not turn these mistakes around and get your confidence back, gents?  As long as it never devolves into arrogance or smugness, don’t ever let the self-assurance you get from appreciating your own abilities and qualities be dragged through the mud or disparaged by anyone.

 

This article is brought to you by Roman – the embarrassment-free solution to erectile dysfunction. With Roman there are no waiting rooms, awkward face-to-face conversations, or uncomfortable trips to the pharmacy. You can handle everything discreetly online.

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The post Confidence In Men: 8 Mistakes YOU Are Making appeared first on Real Men Real Style.

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