DMT Beauty Transformation: Things I’m Afraid To Tell You
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Things I’m Afraid To Tell You

January 08, 2020DMT Beauty

#DMTBeautySpot #beauty

I have a news flash: No one is perfect.

Okay, okay, we all know this to be a fact, but why do we still incessantly judge and ridicule others, especially those who share their life on social media. It’s very easy to glance at a profile, or a blog, and make a snap judgement about a person’s life. It’s also very difficult to truly know someone based off of the filtered photos they show you of their picture perfect life.

That’s never been what I wanted this blog to be about.

One of my hopes for 2020 is to peel back the curtain on my life in a more raw and meaningful way for fellow women, mom’s, sister’s and friend’s to relate to. I want to share the triumphs, the failures, the highs and the lows which is something I have always strived to do but I’m still not 100% sure I’ve done an excellent job at.

So, I thought I’d kick things off this week with a list of things I am afraid to tell you. Here goes nothing.

I See Ghosts

Thought I’d just dive right into this one. My house growing up had a friendly yet mischievous ghost that loved coming out in the middle of the night and scaring me by looking through my vanity mirror. Do I honestly believe in ghosts? Yes, I do. But I don’t think that I genuinely see them as much now that I’m older and can talk myself out of seeing them. However, from time to time I also get debilitating visions. These visions happen while I’m doing mundane activities such as driving home from a meeting, zoning out watching Polly go outside or taking a bath. The visions range from my daughter falling off the changing table and breaking her head open to me getting into an awful car accident. The visions are always truly horrid. They were very bad after I had June and I know that this is a common post-partum occurrence. But they happened before I had a baby and they have continued since. It’s not something that I like to harp on because they are very uncomfortable to experience and are a symptom of PTSD.

I Have Panic Attacks

I’m not necessarily afraid to admit that I have panic attacks, I am afraid to tell you about what happens when I have a panic attack. While each one is different, I’ve been known to completely tear my closet inside out {literally tearing every single item of clothing off of each single hangar}. I’ve thrown a huge block of ice down on our kitchen floor, splitting it into a million pieces. I’ve also thrown our patio furniture into the front yard. Most of my panic attacks end with me wanting to physically exert myself. My biggest fear in life is when they happen while I’m tending to June – which has happened. Thankfully, Grant has always been there to help me and I immediately remove myself from the situation that is triggering me. I have learned a few tactics {such as pushing against a wall during them} that helps calm me down. But it’s definitely my most challenging mental battle as of late and one that I am really working to resolve.

Pregnancy Cost Us

Having June was the best thing I’ve ever done in my life. Having June also cost my company business and money. Believe it or not, as many of you may relate, running your own small business mean you don’t really get a maternity leave. Also, running a business in the fashion industry doesn’t always think that being pregnant is a good look. We lost a lot of our revenue in 2018/early 2019 as a result and it’s something I never really talk about. It’s a topic that honestly deserves it’s very own blog post because of the unfortunate toll that pregnancy takes on entrepreneurs and small business owners. Only just now, nearly 1 year after giving birth, have my usual brands and partners started to want to work together after seeing that I am “back to work full-time.”

I Have Regrets

I wish I hadn’t waited until I was 36 to get pregnant. Not only has it taken an extreme toll on my body, but now that we know and love June… I just wish we had known her longer. I know that’s kind of weird to say, but I just wish Grant and I would have gotten our heads on straight and started to really try to have a baby 11 years ago when we met.

My ADD is Firing

We have a household saying of “my ADD is firing today” on the days where it’s really bad. Overall, I have gained a strong management system for how I live with ADD, but there are definitely days where there’s nothing I can do to help myself. My mind races a million miles a minute, my head is fuzzy with lists and ideas and opinions and feelings. When we met, Grant admits that he never really “bought into ADD” because {unfortunately} these days everyone claims to have this disorder and everyone seems to use it as an excuse for not being able to concentrate. But ADD is much deeper than a lack of concentration. The symptoms also vary from person to person.

I Don’t Like Having my Photos Taken

I know what you are thinking. But when I started this website it had NOTHING to do with having my photo taken every single day and sharing my outfits. Damsel in Dior started out as a website with graphics, collages and shopping inspiration – it had nothing to do with me. As the industry shifted, you guys expressed {strongly} that you wanted to see what I was wearing, where I was eating, what I was doing etc… so I shared my life. Never in a MILLION years did I think it would turn into this. Never did I ever consider a different career because at the time, blogging wasn’t a career choice. I would say that it was something that I kind of fell into but that isn’t true either. I worked my ass off building this website – and I’m happy to share my life. I just don’t really love always having my photo taken (ha!). I’ve never been the girl at a photoshoot that is comfortable in front of the camera. I’m too self deprecating to think of myself as any sort of model or anything like that. I just don’t like it.

So there you have it – a few things that I’m afraid to share but went ahead and did. Do we like these posts? Hate them? Want more of them? I’d love any suggestions for topics you guys would like to read more on.



jaceylenae, Khareem Sudlow

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