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Guys Reveal the Mistakes They Made When Getting Married

Marriage is a huge deal. It impacts not only every aspect of your life, but also the life of your spouse, both of your families and friend groups, and the lives of any children that stem from the marriage. 

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The fact that it’s such a big deal means that it’s important to get it right. Truth be told, there are an untold number of things you can screw up when tying the knot. From who you invite and how you propose to what your honeymoon is like, a mistake has the power to wreak havoc on your relationship to the point of no return.

To help you avoid regrets, AskMen spoke with nine different guys about the mistakes they made when getting married. Don’t be like them.

Overthinking the Proposal

“I was trying so hard to get the proposal perfect that I was setting myself up for failure. Obviously the outcome worked out just fine, but given the opportunity, I think I would have done it a little differently. [I’d have] put less stress on myself in trying to make a perfect moment, and just took my time in making that memory.” - Alex, 31

Letting My Parents Have Too Much Influence

“I regret allowing my parents to have so much influence on certain elements of the wedding. My partner and I didn't set clear boundaries about certain aspects of the planning with my folks, and that came back to bite us. They had a far greater say in the guest list than I would have liked, which meant our wedding was less intimate than what we had hoped for. Set clear boundaries with your folks or anyone else hoping to help, and tell them what they can help with, and what's off limits.” - Patrick, 28

Taking Too Much On

“I had no regrets or hesitations about the proposal or marriage itself. In terms of the wedding planning aspect, I regret not delegating to other people. I took too much on myself. We didn’t have the classic role of the bride being totally in charge — my wife was very hands off, and I was the groom in charge, and it was a ton of pressure.” - Anil, 35

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Not Keeping My Cool

“I regret that we let family concerns play such a big role in the wedding planning. We should have picked our battles better, just generally. Even though we told ourselves we wouldn't and that we'd be the cool bride and groom, emotions just get really heightened around weddings. I don't think you can really help but get caught up in that. Very small things take on huge importance, and you worry about things that, in retrospect, are really stupid.” - Adam, 34

Getting a Bit Too Drunk

“Most mistakes turned out to be these highly memorable moments of joy, like when the car ran out of gas in the middle of the street — there was nothing else to do but laugh about it. My only real regret was drinking too much! It was such a fun party and so many people were handing me drinks [that] I forgot to drink water, and so did my wife. I look glassy-eyed in a lot of the later photos. Family brunch the next morning was a little rough.” - Hugh, 29

Not Having Post-Wedding Sex

“I see marriage as an announcement to the world of your love, but also a celebration of that love itself — something that is usually deeply personal and relatively private. It was so easy to get caught up in what the wedding and ceremony meant to our friends and family, [and] we ended up spending almost no time actually alone together to revel in our love. While we loved seeing all our friends and family in one place, it was also riddled with stress, anxiety and pressure to perform our social duties in certain ways. In both cases, we basically got home and unromantically (and uncharacteristically) just passed out — definitely no consummating of love under God’s now approving eyes. If there was a re-do, I think I’d make a point of taking a ceremonial hour alone to shamelessly fuck, or at least let everyone think that’s what we’re doing. What other time is it socially appropriate to basically tell all your friends and family that’s what you’re going to go do for the next hour?” - Akira, 31

Not Making Smarter Choices

“I should’ve just invited my ex I was on good terms with. She’s part of a friend group — it ended up being more awkward than if I had just invited her. We should’ve ordered more beer, and I should’ve spent more time trimming my beard on the day of. It could have looked cleaner overall.” - Gus, 28

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Not Letting Myself Enjoy the Experience

“I think the biggest regret I had in the whole wedding process was balancing enjoying my engagement versus the laundry list of things we had to get through in order to ensure it was a success. It was tough to practice mindfulness when it comes to trying to accomplish a ton of little things. I wish I had taken more time to be in the moment and cherish the fact that I was going to be marrying my best friend. We're both people who enjoy keeping lists and getting things done, and a lot of the conversations we had leading up to the wedding were very procedural in nature. We were slaves to all of the minor details to such an extent that it came to dominate a lot of our time leading up to the big day. In the weeks leading up, there was a lot of coordination not only in terms of the day itself, but also a fair number of our guests were coming in from other countries/continents. We also had to ensure that they had proper lodging and transportation to our event. Stuff like that took over our conversations to such an extent that it was the only thing we talked about some days, and it added a stressful layer to an already stressful event.” - Bryan, 34

I Don’t Regret Anything

“Even though we didn’t have much money, we had almost complete control over the process — deciding who to invite, booking a two-hour river cruise, selecting the restaurant and picking the menu, hiring musicians, etc. We memorized our vows for the church service, had a friend play piano while people were arriving and didn’t allow photos to be taken (to keep it serene and contemplative). Afterwards, we all walked to the boat and later to the restaurant, where two musicians played classical music. A number of people told us it was the most beautiful wedding they’d been to.” - Tom, 58

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Alex Manley, Khareem Sudlow