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I thought very long and hard about whether or not to share our IVF story.

Honestly, I am terrified of offending women out there who are struggling to have a baby. It truly breaks my heart that every woman cannot be given this gift. But while my story may be different, I still wanted to share it. It’s my job to share. It’s also my duty as a woman to open up, be vulnerable and hopefully share to help others and lift up other women.

A few months ago I wrote about “My Scary Postpartum” diagnosis. What I didn’t share with you is what happened shortly after my discovery – I immediately began the IVF process.

To be honest, I’ve always been interested in egg freezing. I’ve written about being afraid to have kids many years ago and as my biological clock was ticking {loud}, our conversations surrounding IVF became more and more frequent. As my 35th birthday neared, and my first egg retrieval was marked on the calendar, we finally made the choice to pull the goalie and see what happened. Then we were blessed with June.

Just before June turned one, we picked back up on conversations about what the future holds for baby number two. After learning about my adenomyosis condition, placenta accreta and the fact that I just turned 37, I honestly do not know what the future holds for us. We wanted to give ourselves options when it came to potentially having another baby in the future so we decided it was time to finally pull the trigger on IVF.

Every woman’s experience is wildly different. I’ve spoken with dozens of women, some who struggled greatly with IVF and others who found it to be less invasive. I think what made our process feel a little “easier” in comparison to most was that I was faced with horrific postpartum aches, pains and mental strains. I rarely share it, but while the first year of June’s life brought me some of the happiest times in my life, I was also delivered with so many hardships when it came to my body. Going through IVF, for me, also allowed by body to weirdly feel balanced hormonally because of my hormone imbalance. For the first time in a very long time I actually felt like my mood was stable. While I was aching and cramping and the shots hurt, it felt easier in comparison to the war that my body had been through postpartum.

It’s hard not to compare. I admit that I’ve looked at other women’s pregnancy and postpartum experiences and wondered “How was it so easy for her?” when it was so hard for me. It made me feel weak, lesser than and sad. I truly hope and pray that for whoever is reading this {yes you} and feeling like my IVF journey was an “easy” one that you aren’t playing that game. Every person’s journey is so wildly different. And while my IVF shots and procedure may have been paved an easy road, my family planning is not.

Will I ever carry another baby?

I don’t have that answer. I don’t know that I will physically be able to. I don’t know if I would want to risk my life for a chance at delivering another baby and put June in risk of losing her mother.  These are questions we ask ourselves.

After my egg retrieval I was able to connect with my former OBGYN {who I love} who put me on a birth control that is specific for people with adenomyosis. I’ve since been feeling like my “old self again” and truly feel the world of a difference better.

Whatever your experience is and wherever you are in your journey, I want to send you all of my light and virtual love. This process isn’t easy for anyone, but it is definitely harder for some. I truly hope this video will help just one person, if anyone.

DMTBeautySpot

via https://www.DMTBeautySpot.com

jaceylenae, Khareem Sudlow