This is part of a continuing series at Women’s Running, with elite runner Neely Gracey, where she shares her journey and advice as she prepares for the 2024 U.S. Olympic Marathon Trials in Orlando in February.

Two months out from the Olympic Marathon Trials, I had a big weekend. On Saturday, Dec. 2, I ran (and won) the OUC Orlando Half Marathon—a test of my fitness in similar conditions to the ones I might face in February. The next day, I ran a test loop of the Trials course, with other runners who will also race for a spot on the Olympic team.

Check out the entire Road to the Trials series

But that’s not all—my husband, Dillon, and two kids, Athens and Rome, came along too. So the weekend also included a hula-hooping competition by the resort pool (another big, if unexpected, victory for me!), a visit with Santa, a Christmas-themed water park visit, a winery visit, and nine holes of golf to celebrate Dillon’s birthday. Whew!

If younger Neely had caught a glimpse of everything the weekend entailed, I think she would have been shocked. She was highly focused; dialed in on every detail. She couldn’t have imagined having a glass of wine at noon or spending hours in the sun following a race.

But she’d probably also be surprised by two other things: the times I’m running now, and the huge smile on my face. Leaning into the idea that you can have it all, within reason—that big goals may look different, but don’t have to take a backseat to family life—has been liberating. I’ve performed my best with far less stress.

It’s taken a lot of time and practice to get to this point. As a coach, I share what I’ve figured out along the way with my athletes who are parents or who otherwise have a lot on their plates—and I continue to learn from them, too! Here is what we discuss.

Match training to your life—not the other way around

I’ve mentioned before that I focus on one long run and workout each week, and add the rest of my mileage based on the time I have available. For me, right now, I’m hitting about 80 miles per week instead of the 100 I used to. Could I add extra hours of childcare to train more? Yes. But that isn’t what I want at this point, so I don’t.

I take a similar approach with my athletes. Of course, we discuss their goals and what it will take to get there. But we also spend a lot of time going over the rest of their lives.

One of the most important questions I ask them is how much time they can train each week without burning out or making unwanted sacrifices. We match their training load to that reality. That’s way better than forcing something that might not be compatible with their parenting or other life needs.

Take the long view

Yes, I wrote a whole installment on this already. But it’s such a huge piece of my mindset right now that I have to mention it. When a lot is happening in the rest of your life, you’ll be happier and healthier if you hold your dreams tightly, but your timelines loosely.

When I think about why I’m able to be more successful while juggling more and running less, it all comes down to years of consistency and experience. Any particular day or week might not go the way I’ve planned or hoped. But weeks and months and training blocks add up over time to results beyond what I could have hoped.

… but, focus on the present

That said, from day to day, keep your mind in the moment. One subtle shift that’s been helpful for me is that Dillon, who’s my coach as well as my husband, doesn’t give me too much of my training in advance.

Instead, we plan each week based on how I’m feeling and what else is on our schedules. That way, I don’t get too far ahead of myself or freak out about adjusting something along the way. I do something similar with my athletes, only showing them two weeks of training at a time.

If you’re working from a pre-set training plan, start by choosing one that matches up with the time and energy you have available. Don’t select one that’s so ambitious you’ll always feel you’re falling short.

Then, narrow your vision  to a single week  at a time. Each weekend, review what’s on tap for the week ahead. Tweak it so it fits your life, rather than twisting yourself into knots to fit your life into your training. If you’re stuck on how to adapt, bounce ideas off a running buddy or find a coach for a one-time consultation.

Have a routine (and a plan B)

Once you figure out a daily rhythm and habits that work for you and your family, stick with them! For example, I run around 8 a.m. each day, but what that looks like varies based on the circumstances.

If the kids have school, I run them there and then continue; if not, I run before Dillon starts work. If he’s traveling or has an early meeting, I take the boys to the gym and run on the treadmill.They offer childcare for up to two and a half hours—I recommend parents seek out a facility with this perk if it’s in their budget.

Focus on the positive

Of course, sometimes even your plan B or C (or D or E or Z) fails. In those cases, you can choose to stress or to shift your thinking. For example, if I miss a run or have to cut it short, I envision the extra rest allowing me to soak in the training load and freshen up for what’s ahead.

Last year, two weeks before the California International Marathon, we all got a stomach bug that knocked us out for a few days. I stayed calm and told myself that since toast and crackers were all I could eat, I was just kick-starting my carb-loading. Sounds funny, but it worked—that’s where I ran my personal best, Olympic Trials-qualifying time!

Simplify where you can

Sometimes we think we need to be super-parents and do it all. But I say, don’t be afraid to ask for help or use time-saving conveniences to make the rest of your life easier.

For example, I have a Roomba robot vacuum to reduce cleaning hassle. We order groceries ahead and pick them up to cut time in the store (and unnecessary impulse buys). We work with a chef who cooks and freezes meals for the month and then we thaw as needed. You could do something similar on your own by batch-cooking big meals together on the weekend.

Involve your family

Think about ways to bring your kids—or other people who are important to you—into your journey. I’ve talked about running with my stroller before, and I still do that. Now that both boys together in the stroller weigh more than 100 pounds I can only manage short, easy runs with the two of them. Fortunately, Athens can now bike about five miles with me.

On Sundays, we do fun family days where we go to the gym together. Dillon and I run and then we get the kids out of the gym childcare and swim together. On the ride home, we talk about our goals, and how it takes work and effort to meet them. They get to see this all firsthand, and I hope it inspires them to dream big about their future, too.

Embrace new recovery methods

If you ask any parent—especially new parents—about their biggest challenges, poor sleep would probably rank close to the top. That does make recovery from hard training tougher. That’s all the more reason to choose a somewhat lighter load than you might in another phase of your life.

But what I’ve found as I settled into this new lifestyle is that by being present when I’m with my family, I feel rejuvenated. It might sound a bit cheesy, but I truly believe one of the best ways to restore mental and physical well-being is by laughing, loving, and feeling happy.

If I could go back and tell younger Neely just one thing, I’d share that the future will look different—but different can be better! Just because I dedicated my life to training before kids doesn’t mean that it was the only way. Even though older, wiser Neely may sleep less, she may recover better because of her enriching life.

Find Your Life or Mom Mantra

I’m a big believer in the power of mantras to get through a tough workout or race. They’re also worth repeating when you have moments of doubt about whether you can balance training with life and parenting.

Choose a phrase or phrases you can use to reassure yourself and remember your strength and purpose. Write them in your training log, on your mirror with dry-erase markers, or put them on the lock screen of your phone. Here are a few examples—or write your own!

• Run, Mama, Run!
• Yes, you can do it all!
• My family is my reason to run.
• Strong as a mother.
• I am showing up for myself AND my child(ren).
• I am an amazing mother AND an amazing runner.
• Coffee will make my miles happen.
• Gratitude is my attitude.
• Every mile is an opportunity.
• This is my time.
• They look up to you, make them proud!

Check out the entire Road to the Trials series