#DMTBeautySpot #beauty

Now that temperatures are finally hitting the 50s in New York City, we’re grabbing our Peter Manning Denim jacket quite often. Getting up for a coffee run, you can be sure that the trusty denim jacket will keep you warm enough and it always adds a dimension to an otherwise plain outfit.

As with our entire line, our denim jacket is designed for short men so that the sleeve and body lengths look right for men 5’8” and under. The classic denim jacket (trucker style based on the Levi’s Type III) should be slightly cropped and for men who are not-so-tall, denim jackets from other brands will likely not have the right look you're going for. 

The easiest way to wear a denim jacket is with chinos. Chinos can be worn anywhere jeans can be worn and you can and should wear them often to give your jeans a break. It’s also easy because almost any color chino will pair well with a denim jacket. Brown, olive, navy, it doesn’t matter. Just make sure your shirt complements your chinos.

Black denim is also easy to pair with a blue denim jacket as you can give a little bit of a rocker attitude to your outfit without trying too hard. Black denim is a great base for any outfit and paired with a denim jacket, you’ll be blending classic and contemporary.

When it's colder out, we also like to use the denim jacket as a midlayer underneath a topcoat. Because denim offers texture and subtle contrasts, it elevates the topcoat’s inherent muted look. Your denim jacket should fit snugly but still allow for enough room across your chest to allow your arms to move freely. Conversely, your topcoat should be roomy enough to fit a sport coat or denim jacket underneath.

Corduroys are also a smart choice during this transitional weather to wear with your jean jacket. The strong contrast in textures lends a distinct visual flair. With any denim jacket outfit, what you wear without the jacket needs to work well, so that when you add the jacket the look goes up a few notches.

While we did just note that a denim jacket should fit closer to the body (but not too tight), some people do choose to wear it sized up so they can layer a sweater or sweatshirt underneath. If you do choose that route, be sure that your look is intentional. If you like to layer underneath, we advise owning two denim jackets in different sizes.

One of the other reasons we love grabbing our Peter Manning NYC denim jackets is because it truly is a rugged piece of clothing. You can roll up the sleeves, pop the collar, stuff it in your tote bag and it just looks better the more you wear it.

DMTBeautySpot

via https://www.DMTBeautySpot.com

PMNYC Info, Khareem Sudlow

#DMTBeautySpot #beauty

This past weekend, we witnessed a historical Pop Culture Moment courtesy of Lil Nas X’s viral “Montero (Call Me By Your Name)” music video. In it, he’s seduced by a serpent in what appears to be the Garden of Eden, then pole dances elegantly into the depths of Hell, where he gives Satan (also played by Lil Nas X) a lap dance before snapping his neck and donning the devil’s horns as his own. The video itself is a symbol of the rapper’s relationship with the church as a gay man — they told him he was going to Hell, so he went. And he had a good time doing it.

But, as with anything that has to do with Satanism or the LGBTQ+ community, conservative Christian Twitter was up in arms over the symbols and imagery, calling for the rapper and his music video to be condemned and canceled. The release of Lil Nas X’s unofficial “Satan” sneakers only stoked the flames of fury; it turns out that the Satanic Panic of the 80s never really went anywhere.

Satanism hasn’t either. In fact, it’s only getting stronger.

Our kids are being told that this kind of product is, not only okay, it’s “exclusive.” But do you know what’s more exclusive? Their God-given eternal soul.

We are in a fight for the soul of our nation. We need to fight hard. And we need to fight smart. We have to win. https://t.co/m1k1YWFpuo

— Governor Kristi Noem (@govkristinoem) March 28, 2021

But for all the fear and bluster around Satanism, the actual religion is not well-understood. The Church of Satan has been around since the 1960s, while The Satanic Temple was founded in 2013 and is recognized as a tax exempt church by the IRS. Neither of them believe in Satan. While followers of the Church of Satan do believe in magick, The Satanic Temple describes itself as a nontheistic branch of Satanism, meaning members don’t believe in God, Satan, or other supernatural forces. In other words, no one is trying to give Satan a lap dance, a la the Montero video.

Whenever something that even tangentially involves Satan-worship makes headlines, The Satanic Temple — which has over 300,000 members and counting — gets a little spike of attention, says Lucien Greaves, the organization’s co-founder. But more recently, the religion has been getting recognition for its actual belief system, which is surprisingly progressive and deserving of its own moment in the spotlight, divorced from the whole “eternal damnation” thing.

The Satanic Temple follows seven tenets that preach acting with compassion and empathy, fighting for justice, upholding bodily autonomy and science, and reducing harm. On their website, The Satanic Temple claims to have, “publicly confronted hate groups, fought for the abolition of corporal punishment in public schools, applied for equal representation when religious installations are placed on public property, provided religious exemption and legal protection against laws that unscientifically restrict women’s reproductive autonomy, exposed harmful pseudo-scientific practitioners in mental health care,” and more.

One place where you can see evidence of increased interest in forms of Satanism is on TikTok. The witchtok corner of TikTok has been going strong since the app began back in 2016, and in November of 2020, TikTok creators took advantage of the time warp feature to make themselves look like The Satanic Temple’s goat-headed deity, Baphomet (a trend that, of course, caused an outrage among TikTok Christians). Recently, a discussion about The Satanic Temple’s progressive views on abortion and bodily autonomy has resurfaced on the platform, prodding a newfound respect for the organization. Another attention-getting move: In February 2021, the Satanic Temple sued the state of Texas regarding their restrictive abortion laws, alleging that some of their regulations violate the religious liberty of its members.

“I honestly think that what’s really spurring the growth of Satanic identification is the increasing overreach of the theocratic right,” Greaves says. “I think when people look back and recognize that there was a booming nontheistic Satanic revival in the early 21st century, I think they’ll attribute that to — at least equally to — people like Mike Pence, if they attribute that to people like me.”

The more religions continue to alienate those in marginalized communities, the more those who have been pushed away will seek out alternative faiths. As Greaves says, “It’s much easier, I think, to understand the prosocial value in Satanism when you see the horrific and anti-human things that our evangelical politicians are doing.”

Even though the Satanic Temple doesn’t believe in Satan and has nothing to do with Satan worship, Greaves is totally unbothered by Lil Nas X’s use of devilish imagery. In fact, he notes that for any group — Satanists or Christians alike — to claim ownership over Satanic iconography would be ridiculous. “This is culturally available, artistic, raw material that everyone’s familiar with,” he says. “That’s always going to resonate in a certain way with people, and no one group can claim any ownership over that kind of imagery. It’s totally fair game for any kind of artist, whatever they’re trying to express.”

Greaves adds that the backlash Lil Nas X is getting over his use of Satanic imagery is “rather outsized and ridiculous. You would think Christians would have a little more humility and realize how unkind many churches have been, especially towards homosexuals. For a gay person to be using imagery of Satanism or Satan and for them to claim offense at that requires a bit of a lack of introspection entirely,” he says.

While Lil Nas X hasn’t come out as a Satanist, it’s apparent that he’d be welcomed by the community if he did. “We’re one religion that recognizes that this isn’t for everybody, and we think we’d be better off if more religions acknowledged that they don’t have the one true answer and the one true way for all people,” Greaves explains. “We always kind of want to uphold our status as the religion for the outsiders, a place where the freaks and outcasts feel at home and welcome.”

Like what you see? How about some more R29 goodness, right here?

Lil Nas X's "Montero" & Backlash, Explained

The Truth About The Satanic Panic

Netflix & <em>Sabrina</em> Settle $50 Lawsuit

DMTBeautySpot

via https://www.DMTBeautySpot.com

Elizabeth Gulino, Khareem Sudlow

#DMTBeautySpot #beauty

Despite obviously being a very good boy, Major Biden, the younger of the Biden family’s two German shepherds, has reportedly had a second biting incident at the White House. This comes just days after he was reportedly taken away for behavioral training for injuring a Secret Service employee.

This most recent biting incident took place on the White House South Lawn on Monday afternoon. First Lady Jill Biden’s press secretary Michael LaRosa told CNN that Major “nipped” a National Park Service employee during a walk and is “still adjusting to his new surroundings.” The employee was seen by the White House medical unit and was able to return to work without injury.

After the initial biting incident, President Joe Biden described Major as “a sweet dog.” In an interview with ABC News, Biden explained that Major had “turned a corner, there’s two people he doesn’t know at all, you know, and they move and [he] moves to protect.” But he added that Major was not sent home exclusively because of the biting. “He was going home,” Biden explained. “I didn’t banish him to home. Jill was going to be away for four days. I was going to be away for two, so we took him home.”

According to the White House, Major has received training within the past two weeks after injuring a Secret Service employee who also needed treatment from the White House Medical Unit, but it seems like he may still be getting used to his new home. Neither the Secret Service agent nor the National Park Service employee have spoken publicly about the incidents.

White House press secretary Jen Psaki referred to the Secret Service employee’s injury as “minor,” and explained that Major is still “getting acclimated and accustomed to [the dogs’] surroundings and new people.” She said Major was “surprised by an unfamiliar person.”

Major, who is three years old, was adopted by the Bidens from the Delaware Humane Association in 2018. Champ, the Bidens’ 12-year-old German shepherd, has already spent time at the White House as a younger dog when Biden was Vice President.

Clearly, Biden loves his dogs and wants them around. And sometimes, even good boys need time to adjust — hopefully Major will get used to his new presidential home very soon.

Like what you see? How about some more R29 goodness, right here?

What's Up With Those Videos Of Joe Biden Walking?

Vaccine Passports Are Coming

Biden Is Being A Cop About His Staff's Weed Use

DMTBeautySpot

via https://www.DMTBeautySpot.com

Sarah Midkiff, Khareem Sudlow

#DMTBeautySpot #beauty

IG @bonzaimai #NaturallyGlam #CelebrateNaturals

7 (PLUS 1) Great Sulfate-Free Shampoos for Your Naturally Curly Hair

by Jacqueline Samarroo

There are plenty of ways to care for your curls, coils, and kinks to keep them looking luscious, strong, and healthy. One thing that’s often recommended is to use sulfate-free shampoos as part of your natural hair care routine. And, it’s pretty good advice!

Why go sulfate-free?

When it comes to natural hair care products, curly girls often see “sulfate” as a really bad word. The thing with sulfates is that they are good at deep cleaning but they strip hair of its natural oils. The effect is even worse on curly hair.

Black hair comes in a wide variety of gorgeous textures. Thanks to the shape of its follicles and how its keratin proteins bond, however, it is naturally drier and more fragile than straight hair. It needs those natural oils to keep it hydrated, moisturized, and strong.

Good choices of sulfate-free shampoo for curly haircare will have hydrating and moisturizing ingredients to deliver water into cells and help lock in that moisture. Look for ones with butters (such as cocoa butter and mango butter); natural oils (such as coconut oil and avocado oil); and glycerin (sometimes called glycerol).

Top 7 Picks: Sulfate-Free Shampoos for Natural Curly Hair

BEST FOR BETWEEN PROTECTIVE STYLINGS

Alikay Naturals Moisturizing Black Soap Shampoo

This is a clarifying shampoo so expect it to deep clean your hair, getting rid of built-up dirt and grease. It’s made from raw Black soap and includes plantain skins, cocoa seed powder, and tea tree oil, helping it to effectively moisturize hair as it cleans.

BEST FOR VERY DRY HAIR

Carol’s Daughter Coco Creme Sulfate Free Shampoo

Coconut oil and mango butter help to hydrate, moisturize, and soften curly hair, defining individual curls and giving them back their bounce. This shampoo is actually part of the Carol’s Daughter Coco Crème System which also includes a conditioner and velvet cream hair mask.

BEST FOR DRY, DAMAGED HAIR

Kinky-Curly Come Clean Moisturizing Shampoo

This shampoo lives up to its name. It’s great for kinky, curly hair and moisturizes your hair while helping it to “come clean” from built-up gunk. While it works really well at restoring dry and damaged hair, it is still gentle enough for everyday use.

BEST FOR FRIZZ-FREE HAIR

Garnier Curl Nourish Sulfate-Free and Silicone-Free Shampoo

Garnier Curl Nourish Sulfate-Free and Silicone-Free ShampooGarnier Curl Nourish Shampoo is sulfate-free, paraben-free, and silicone-free – leaving plenty of room for the GOOD stuff! Its formula includes glycerin, coconut oil, and citrus protein, as well as vitamins B3 and B6. It works overtime at smoothing hair and taming frizz.

BEST FOR CURL DEFINITION

Ouidad Advanced Climate Control Defrizzing Shampoo

Defrizzing and curl definition is the name of the game with this shampoo that’s specifically designed for all types of curly hair. Its ingredients include glycerin for moisture with both shea butter and murumuru butter to soften hair and smooth hair cuticle.
Herbal Essences Honey & Vitamin B Shampoo and Conditioner Set

BEST FOR COLOR-TREATED HAIR

Herbal Essences Honey & Vitamin B Shampoo and Conditioner Set

Honey, jasmine, vanilla, vitamin B, glycerin, and real botanicals (endorsed by Royal Botanic Gardens, Kew) come together in a formula that deeply but gently cleanses hair. If you have color-treated hair, it will protect your color while moisturizing your curls.
SheaMoisture Moisture Retention Shampoo

BEST FOR OVERPROCESSED, TRANSITIONING HAIR

SheaMoisture Moisture Retention Shampoo

If you’ve processed your hair before and are now looking to join the natural hair movement – welcome! This shea butter and aloe vera leaf juice shampoo works to repair and strengthen damaged hair. It also comes in an Extra Moisture version.
Our Plus 1 pick of sulfate-free shampoo for natural curly hair is an all-rounder that works really well with all types of hair.

BONUS +1 !!!

BEST FOR ALL HAIR TYPES

Mixed Chicks Sulfate Free Shampoo

Contains sweet almond, sesame, avocado, and olive oils each doing its part to help this shampoo strengthen, soften, and moisturize hair while nourishing it. It also contains panthenol (a provitamin of B5) and pH-balancing aloe vera. Use on coily, curly, straight, kinky, color-treated, and chemical-treated hair.

What’s your favorite sulfate-free shampoo?! 

DMTBeautySpot

via https://www.DMTBeautySpot.com

curlynikki, Khareem Sudlow

#DMTBeautySpot #beauty

IG @lyssamariexo #NaturallyGlam

What I Learned About Myself During A Silent Retreat

As Told To Veronica R. Wells of NoSugarNoCreamMag.com

A while ago, actress Lupita N’yongo told Oprah that she went on a silent retreat. I was intrigued but also wondered if this was something for the rich and famous. Do you regular Black women go to silent retreats? Turns out we do. Or at least Ramona does.

Ramona grew up in Georgia, with two Christian parents, Lutheran and [Jamaican] Pentecostal to be exact. But by the time she was a teenager, she started reading creation myths and stories from other religions. She had questions and was seeking. While she doesn’t call herself a Hindu or Buddhist, she started studying Eastern religions, realizing that there were aspects from them that she liked and worked in term of spiritual growth and development. First, she incorporated yoga into her spiritual practice and eventually meditation.

It was the meditation that led her to participate in the silent retreat. See what she had to say about it below.

So how did the silent retreat play into your spirituality?

The Vipassana retreat, there’s one major foundation out of India that does them. But they are popping up in certain areas. You can do them for three days or the traditional one that I do for ten days. They have centers all over the globe and all over the U.S. You don’t have to completely be a Buddhist. When you are there, you are practicing certain Buddhist ideals, with meditation, following the noble precepts which are not to be vain and no harmful thoughts toward yourself or other beings, a vegetarian diet.

So you are subscribing to that but you don’t have to do more than that. And it’s just silence. I think that’s what I was looking for more than anything. I was at a point, my first time, where I just needed silence. I had been meditating for a while but my practice was off and on. I was craving silence.

What was going on in your life that you felt like you needed silence?

Oh man. I was just going through a lot of shifts. My partner is from Spain so I was going back and forth between those places and trying to decide am I going to stay in the U.S. and have to go through that immigration process with him? Or me moving there. Do I want to live in Europe? And all this other stuff. I was going through a lot of physical, environment changes. But I was going through a lot of emotional stuff. I was 27 at the time and just felt very overwhelmed and my practice in yoga was actually getting deeper. And I do believe that when you have a practice in anything martial arts, it is to strengthen you in a lot of ways and that opens you up for movement emotionally as well. I definitely was having all of that going on.

I heard about the silent retreat four years before and I was like, ‘I don’t think I could ever do that in my life. Props to this person.’ Then four years later, I found myself doing it for the first time.

Why did you believe you could never do it? Do you like to talk a lot? Did you feel like you would be bored?

Yeah! I first found out from this woman I was taking dance classes with, living a kind of fast-paced life. Living in Miami, a very external life. Always out and about. Always on the beach, doing this and this. But as I grew older, I shifted more into where I am now which is this introverted introvert. I was also drinking a lot at this time, let’s be honest. I was in my early twenties. I was just on party-ish mode. Still the same vibration of loving to be in nature and with the plants and herbalism but I was living a very external life. I wanted to be at the parties. And as you get older, it’s like, ‘That party ain’t…girl, you are missing nothing.’

So yeah, it just sounded so intimidating the idea of being in silence. And during that time, though I was practicing yoga, I was not meditating. But now, instead of pushing myself to do the physical stuff, I’m like, ‘Uhh yeah, I’m going to meditate.’ So, it was a different period in my life completely. But I was weirded out that you couldn’t talk!

Before you get there they give you the schedule and it’s like, ‘Oh my God!’ You’re meditating for ten hours a day. So it’s not even like you’re just quiet. But that meditation saves you. If we couldn’t do anything. You can walk around but you’re not even supposed to do eyesight or eye contact with people because it’s supposed to be completely internal. So that sounded so intimidating at 21. I was like, ‘Oh my God, I’m going to explode!’

What was your experience like when you finally went? Was it hard the first day or so?

Whew! Yeah. Within the first day–this is funny because it’s interesting to watch where your mind goes and that’s one of the things that–for all people meditating, don’t get down on yourself. Just watch where it mind goes. You can choose to go down that rabbit hole. And for ten hours a day meditating, I went down a rabbit hole. I was like, ‘I could write a movie!’ But it’s interesting to see that that’s how your mind likes to distract itself from feeling a lot of other things that may not be as pleasurable.

So within the first day, my rebel mind was like, ‘I’m out!’ The movie I was starting was how am I going to hitchhike? Because I got a ride here. I could have driven but I got a ride because I knew my mind was going to do this. And I’m like, ‘I need to go.’ I think I need to leave and was just resistant. That was the first day. Then, I was like, ‘No, I’m going to keep going.’ By the fourth day, I was having very strange dreams, like revealed dreams. I had a roommate that just snored really loud. And I was angry at this woman. I couldn’t express it. I couldn’t say anything and I just was laughing at myself for feeling angry at this woman who had no idea that she snored this loud. I’m watching how my brain is trying to attach to these different thoughts of ‘I need to get out of here,’ trying to find this escape.

So, I go and I speak to the teacher, who is the only person you can speak to. And he says, ‘Yeah, so those dreams, that happens. Just keep going. The technique is working.’ That’s all he said. And I’m like, ‘I thought you were going to give me the answer to the key of life. Now I’m mad at you.’ Because you telling me all of this is normal? But then you just keep going. Sometimes I would let my mind go down the rabbit hole. And sometimes I would let my mind really focus on the technique that they are teaching you to meditate and really just feel stillness. And when you feel it, it’s great.

You do feel that your brain does finally–for me, it took four to five days, the first time for my brain to just stop chattering. Thinking about this project, and this, and this, and this, it took five days. No tv, no music, no conversations and still five days for my brain to finally be like, ‘Okay, I’m present.’ And I don’t know how I could have gotten that any other way.

Where was it?

The first one I went to was in Jesup Georgia, so Southern Georgia.

What was the schedule like outside of hours of meditation?

Well, you have breakfast and lunch, then you have a light snack at 5 or 6. They have nightly discourses for about an hour. You’re not talking. It’s the guy who brought it over from India. His name is S.N. Goenka but they call him Goenka G. It’s actually very interesting these talks because everyday you feel like you’re having these breakdowns, high highs–because you’re feeling like, ‘Wow, I’m really meditating.’ and these low lows. And you just have this really keen view of it because you’re in silence. So he’s giving these discourses and every day, I felt like he was talking specifically to me. He’s like, ‘You’re probably feeling this and this…’ And I’m like, I know that wasn’t some magic thing. He wasn’t a wizard. But, in that moment, I realized we’re all going through so many different things.

We all have so many experiences but the human psyche is pretty much universal. He’s saying this is the technique. You’re feeling tired now. This is what your brain does. You feel tired when you’re pushing it to do things that are uncomfortable. You feel the fight back. And then there are 3-4 mandatory meditation sits for about an hour and then the other ones, you can meditate in your room and they have grounds where you can walk so you can do walking meditation. Then there’s bathroom time and that kind of stuff. But when you do the math, it’s about 9 hours of meditation a day.

Some people might be confused about what meditation is. Are you trying to clear your mind of all thought or are you trying to focus on a specific thought? What is meditation?

There’s multiple avenues to meditation. There’s not one correct way. So one of them is focusing on one single thing and keep your mind on that thing. And another one is trying to not have thoughts, more or less. I think a lot of people get down on themselves meditating because they keep having thoughts. But have compassion for yourself. No one can walk before they crawl. It’s normal to have those. You have to practice it. It’s not something that comes naturally to anybody. I think if you can close your eyes, sitting up and not fall asleep, that’s enough. I just sit and try to focus on my breath and just try to notice it.

I’ve done a lot of different techniques. For a while it would be imagine a color or a mantra. Sometimes I just let my mind wander and see where it goes. And I’m like, ‘Oh okay, now I know what I’m making for dinner.’ And that’s cool too. It’s more just dedicating the time to do it. So when I can do that, I’m just proud of myself. Whatever comes up, whether my mind is wandering the whole time or not. At least I showed up. I feel the benefits of just having that time for myself.

So by the ninth- tenth day, how were you feeling?

The ninth-tenth day, I felt good. Part of it is probably adrenaline from being like, ‘Yes! It’s almost over!’ You know like what marathon runners feel at the end, their body gives them the energy. I feel like that’s definitely part of it. And on the tenth day, you get to talk to people. So you get to talk to the people you’ve been seeing for a week and a half. You make up stories about these people. I’m telling you. It’s a distraction but that’s what–if you’re used to watching tv, this is tv, people watching. So it’s always interesting to talk to them at the end. But I felt really good by the end of it. The middle of the week is just hard. Six and seven for me were hard.

The second time, I just knew what to expect. My brain didn’t put up the same amount of resistance as it did the first time. It was like, ‘Okay, we’re going back into this mode. I’d been meditating more.’

After the ten days, is it hard to start talking again?

Oh! Yes and no. It’s interesting because you have this moment where you can talk to people but then afterwards, you go back into–it’s called noble silence. So once again, not speaking until the end of it.

The first time, I had sensory shock. Going back to Atlanta, where it was just so loud. It was quiet, you were just in the woods. I felt like people were talking really loud. Your ears were really acute to sound, so it’s a real thing. Talking gets easier. It’s easier than riding a bike.

But I felt like I was craving more silence. I thought, I would like to have a balance where it isn’t as loud but it isn’t complete silence. It’s hard to get that. It’s hard for me to get silence when I’m waking up to meditate because I live in the world and I have a partner and we have neighbors and all of this other stuff.

Did you find that you were more conscious or careful about the things you did say once you started speaking again?

Yeah, at first. But it wears off quickly. It wears off very quickly, within a day or two. When people think of retreats, they’re like, ‘Oh, have fun.’ Fun is the last thing I think of at this kind of retreat because it’s really deep. And you really have to be wanting it because if not, you’re going to leave. It’s not worth it if you don’t want it.

I realize, reactionary wise, I take more time to really think before I speak and just trying to keep that and hold space and be silent when I need to, instead of being very external and being an extrovert. I’m more quiet now and more observing and really taking my time, to where if I want to speak, let it be something of good. Maybe not so much when I’m in traffic…

But that has helped me in my relationships with other people and people I don’t know. So that’s really good. And that’s a practice that we all can be doing. But it’s gotten more and more in depth after the silent retreat.

I made a few friends from when I’ve done this–a few sisters because you can only speak with women. It’s segregated by gender. Because that’s a distraction. A man for a woman is a distraction and a woman for a man is a distraction. Very separated. I have friends and we’ve talked about ‘How do we continue living in these ways without becoming a monk? How do you live in the real world that is not quiet?’

A lot of this technique talks about–getting in touch with your subconscious which is always working, even when you’re sleeping. Your subconscious is taking messages from your body. And we just don’t notice it because we have a lot of distractions that our conscious mind picks up on. So when you take away some of those distractions, the subconscious voice–at least in my experience–is going to become louder.

Are you able to journal on this retreat?

Technically no. The first time I really, really followed their instructions. The second time I didn’t because I did want to remember some of the dreams. I wasn’t writing four pages every night but I would just jot down ideas. They say you’re only supposed to stretch but I did some more yoga stuff when my hips were really, really hurting. Because I’m like I’m protecting myself. I’m going through a lot and I need this. I guess you’re not supposed to attach to those desires that you have but it’s an integral part of my practice. And I’m going to listen to myself. The second time I definitely journaled and the first time I was mad that I didn’t bring a journal, that I listened to them.

What would you say you learned about your internal self? The way your brain works, the things you need to change about yourself, or the things you need to accept about yourself?

I think I mostly learned the complexity of emotions. Before the retreat, I didn’t know how to deal with that. Like, ‘Why am I not happy?’ So in the retreat, you go and you are going to see some of the darker parts of you. Anger came up a lot. And so I feel like afterwards, I can have all of these emotions. It’s okay not to be happy all the time. It’s okay to feel anger. It’s really okay to feel these things. What’s not okay is to continue subscribing to them because you think that they are you because they are not.

They just come and they go.

They are fading, they are fleeting.

You are choosing to stay sad. I have not been diagnosed clinically anything so these are my decisions to go into these emotions.

That’s what I really learned about my internal self, being able to love it wholly and not just for when I’m feeling good. I can really experience the full spectrum of emotions and still be my essence, the same person. And to not cower away from some of those darker ones, which is what I was doing and still do sometimes. I like to get comfort when I’m not feeling great. Sometimes I need to rest. It’s okay to subscribe to it. Just don’t get stuck there. Don’t cower away from that because it’s part of the experience.

Is it like therapy? Were you able to gain any clarity into why certain emotions come up for you?

I did have some memory triggering that happened. And had a lot of time to think about it. So I cried a lot. I think the anger was repressed anger for sure. All of them years working in the bar industry and just being passive aggressive to make my tips. All of it came out. I wanted to be mad at this lady for snoring so bad.

So in some ways, yes. In other ways, no. I still have therapy to speak about some things that came up. But I also feel like some ends were tied. I didn’t realize that A was leading to and now C is the situation that I’m in. But I think it could be dangerous seeing it as just a therapy thing. It is opening up a lot of things that you might need to actually speak to someone about.

For me, a lot of stuff about childhood trauma that I had been going through with both of my parents. And by being in Vipassana, I was recognizing it. I was having some memories come up. That’s where some of the repressed anger comes from too, not being able to express anger at situations that were very traumatizing because I was a kid. But I talked to a therapist about it. I don’t think I’m necessarily equipped–I know how I feel and what I experience but I think there’s also a really healthy balance of speaking to someone who knows about cognitive behavior and can give you that aspect. It’d be hard by ourselves completely.

I think it will be obvious to some why silence is spiritual but for those who don’t really get it, could you explain what is spiritual about being silent.

In my experience, there was this conditioning that I wasn’t even aware of. I thought silence was voidness. I thought it was very empty and it’s not. It’s not even void of sound. Because you can hear yourself, your thoughts, and your actual breath. The spirituality that you find in silence is the actual connection with yourself.

The other day in meditation–I like to ask myself a few questions afterwards and one of them is–and this is a very Buddhist principle–but the question is, “Who am I?” And everyday it would change but there’s a certain point where you’re like, ‘I’m not Ramona as a person.’ I’m not just a Black woman…I am these things but I’m not just that. Once I take away all of these titles, artist, writer, daughter…what’s left? And that’s what I want to encounter. This is a way of encountering it and it’s not silent what you find. You find emotions and sensations.

There’s a lot of information that’s there when you take the time to be in silence or ask questions like that. What am I really desiring? What am I working toward? But in silence, not without anyone else’s opinions. When was the last time we did that? As children? And when I’ve done it, I do encounter this feeling of being a young child again. I can be anything. No one’s told me that I can’t do that yet. So that’s been my experience.

That’s why silence is so important to spirituality because spirituality is such a personal thing, not words. And it’s something that is free of titles in its bare essentialness. We are too. So to really tap into that you have to go within. You have to be silent, let that subconscious voice get a little louder so you can be aware of your mechanisms, how you are moving and your real experience.

How do you recommend that Black women incorporate stillness and silence into their everyday lives? Because we really need it. We have so much going on.

Meditating. When I started it was one minute, then five minutes and then for a long time, eleven minutes. If I needed to get it in, the first thing when I wake up. If I need to wake up 20 minutes earlier just to get that in.

Taking a quick walk if that’s accessible. That does so much. You don’t even have to–when a lot of people go on vacation, that’s what they’re doing most of the time. ‘I was just walking down the beach.’ We can do that in our neighborhoods, just walking down the block. There is something that’s very grounding in doing that. It’s not stillness because you are moving but it helps me in having my mind a little bit clearer because there’s no tv, there’s no phone. I’m looking around me but that breaks me out of the autopilot that I’m in. Just taking a break out of that routine. The brain likes to get into autopilot. I’ve even turned my mom and sister onto it. Take a walk and see what it does.

I had a sister tell me, ‘Just take three deep breaths.’ Will you look crazy just standing there with your eyes closed, taking breaths? Probably. But just reclaim that time for yourself. And as Black women that’s what we need to do, figure out ways that work for us.

We have to work on being comfortable with stillness and not just doing all the time.

How do you incorporate silence into your life? Have you been on a silent retreat?

CN Says: Check out my Silent Retreat experience, HERE!  And as I type, TRUST that I’m booking at this one for this summer! My review to come! 

Veronica Wells-Puoane is the creator of the website NoSugarNoCreamMag. She is the author of “Bettah Days” and You’ll Be All Write, a question and answer journal for Black women. She is also the culture editor at MadameNoire.com.Silent retreat silent retreat silent retreat silent retreat sile retreat silent retreat silent retreat silent retreat silent retreat 

silent retreat silent retreat silent retreat silent retreat silent retreat silent retreat silent retreat silent retreat silent retreat silent retreat silent retreat silent retreat silent retreat silent retreat silent retreat silent retreat silent retreat silent retreat silent retreat silent retreat silent retreat silent retreat silent retreat silent retreat silent retreat silent retreat silent retreat silent retreat silent retreat silent retreat silent retreat silent retreat 

DMTBeautySpot

via https://www.DMTBeautySpot.com

curlynikki, Khareem Sudlow

#DMTBeautySpot #beauty

Welcome to Money Diaries where we are tackling the ever-present taboo that is money. We’re asking real people how they spend their hard-earned money during a seven-day period — and we’re tracking every last dollar.

Today: a teacher who has a joint income of $71,558 per year and spends some of her money this week on propane.

Occupation: Teacher
Industry: Education
Age: 32
Location: Kentucky
Salary: combined $71,558 with my husband
Net Worth: -$3,000 including our home we own and personal savings, minus debt.
Debt: $10,000 for husband’s student loans, $60,000 for mine, $28,000 mortgage, $18,000 car loan.
Paycheck Amount (2x/month): $1,750 after deductions (and my husband makes $980/month)
Pronouns: She/her

Monthly Expenses
Mortgage: $546.61 (We will have our house paid off in eight more years. This amount is escrowed and included our yearly property taxes and home insurance. Our house is valued at $82,000.)
Studen Loans: $50
Car Loan: $445
Netflix: $9.99
Hulu: $11.99
Disney+: $6.99
Amazon Prime: $10.99
Apple Music: $5.99 (student pricing)
Electric: varies between $150-$250 depending on the month/season. Our most recent bill was our highest of the year at $280.97
Water/Garbage/Sewer: $83.26
Internet/Telephone Bundle: $100
My 401(k): $250
Health Insurance: $230/paycheck

Was there an expectation for you to attend higher education? Did you participate in any form of higher education? If yes, how did you pay for it?
Yes, I was not given a choice by my parents. My father was a carpenter and coal miner and did not attend school after high school. My mother had dreams of becoming a nurse but after taking one year of courses at our local community college, she felt she was missing too much time with her kids and dropped out. My parents married young and had children young, so they never really had the opportunity to pursue higher education as they were focused on raising our family and supporting us. My mother worked for years as a dental assistant before retiring. I was fortunate in that my parents were financially able to pay for my undergraduate courses and I graduated with a BA in education. I married my husband two years after landing my first teaching job and becoming financially independent, so when I went back to school to pursue my Master’s degree, my Rank I in education, and then my doctorate in education, I paid. My husband and I were able to pay for my Master’s degree and Rank I ourselves, but as I found out quite unexpectedly that I was pregnant shortly after beginning my doctorate (I was told I could not have children so we were quite surprised), we used my education fund as our baby fund and I took out student loans for my doctorate. I will complete that in the next year; I’m halfway through writing my dissertation and should defend it this coming fall semester.

Growing up, what kind of conversations did you have about money? Did your parent/guardian(s) educate you about finances?
I was the youngest of three daughters, and my parents wanted us to have a solid understanding of finances when we became adults so they had very frank conversations with us. My parents opened each of us up a checking account at the age of 16 and helped each of us get our first credit card before we went to college, but it was our responsibility to get a job to put money into our checking accounts and pay our credit card bills. My mother was always very honest with me about their finances when growing up and I often ran errands for her to pay bills once I obtained my driver’s license, so I was aware of what their finances looked like and what their bills cost. This may not be normal for some families, but their honesty with finances helped shape a realistic view of what I needed to earn to pay bills as an adult. My husband and I met in college and got engaged within a year of dating, but we were engaged for six years because we broke down what our bills would look like and what we needed to earn to be able to pay them. When we were financially stable enough to pay those bills, we then planned the wedding and got married. My parents played a large part in helping us map out that financial road map.

What was your first job and why did you get it?
My first job was as a babysitter for my mom’s boss. I babysat their kids on weekends, during spring, fall, and summer vacations, and on an as-needed basis for six years. I took the job because I had just turned sixteen and needed to earn money to pay for my gas and car insurance, and their children were young and they wanted someone they knew to watch them. After that, I began working at a local call center while I looked for teaching jobs. This was the first job I had where I was able to earn financial independence from my parents and establish my adult life/finances.

Did you worry about money growing up?
For the most part, I did not worry about money growing up. Though my parents were not wealthy, we never came close to living below the poverty line. There were times when money was tight for our family and my parents were honest with us, but it was never a situation where we were ever in danger of losing our home. Both my parents worked consistently throughout my life and really only ever experienced job insecurity when the coal mining community in our area began suffering.

Do you worry about money now?
Occasionally I do, but that is usually only after something in our house needs replacing and I panic thinking of having to use a credit card. I am not a fan of using credit cards if I can avoid it, and while we are able to pay our balances every month, I get anxiety thinking of having to put a sum on a credit card. We recently replaced our refrigerator in our kitchen, and though we could have done it sooner and put it on our credit card, I refused and we saved up every paycheck until we were able to pay cash for the one we wanted.

At what age did you become financially responsible for yourself and do you have a financial safety net?
I became financially responsible for myself at 22. My parents allowed me to move home and live with them while job hunting, but when I found my first job, it was then my responsibility to pay for my bills, needs, and wants. However, they have always been more than willing to help us out and did have to help us once after we both unexpectedly lost our jobs a couple of years into our marriage. Thankfully, we were able to find something quickly, pay them back, and get back on our feet in a couple of months. They are there as our safety net if needed.

Do you or have you ever received passive or inherited income? If yes, please explain.
Yes. The land my house sits on was given to me as a gift by my parents. They own a large amount of land in a few different areas in our county and when we were ready to buy a home, they deeded me the land beside their home as a gift.

Day One

9:30 a.m. — I wake up and make cinnamon rolls for my daughter and husband, and coffee for myself. I tidy the kitchen, get her dressed for the day, and leave her with my husband as I make our weekly grocery run.

11 a.m. — I pick up groceries for the week at our local supermarket. I usually shop at the local store five minutes from our house, but since this week we are supposed to get snow and ice, I shop at the larger supermarket to stock up on items that aren’t available at the smaller store. Plus, this store has our town’s Starbucks inside, so I pick up a Caramel Apple Spice as a treat to myself as I shop. $0 for the Starbucks as I have a gift card. $164.36

11:35 a.m. — After leaving the supermarket, I stop at the local bakery and pick up a chicken salad croissant and side of veggie salad for lunch and grab my daughter a cupcake. My husband made them lunch while I have been shopping, so I do not pick lunch up for them. $15

2:45 p.m. — My mother calls and talks me into taking my daughter on a spring break trip with her in a few weeks. After not traveling for more than a year, I’m eager to go so I quickly book the hotel and pay the deposit. $83.97

5:00 p.m. — I make chicken parmesan and brownies for dinner — they’re my husband and daughter’s favorites. We enjoy some family time as we eat and chat about the upcoming work week.

7:30 p.m. — My husband rents a movie to watch for the evening from Vudu, and I cuddle up with my daughter as she watches My Little Pony while I finish reading the second Bridgerton book. $3.99

Daily Total: $267.32

Day Two

7 a.m. — I make my family scrambled eggs and toast for breakfast then get my daughter ready for the day. My husband and I are both working from home currently while our schools are operating virtually. However, to keep my toddler on her usual schedule as we are returning to school next week, I take her next door to my parents for the workday after she eats breakfast. We’re more fortunate than most in that my parents live next door and provide us with free childcare while we work.

11:30 a.m. — It is our scheduled lunch break for the day, so while I am finishing up parent conference calls, my husband makes us both a turkey sandwich for lunch.

3 p.m. — We both finish work for the day and while I walk next door to pick up our daughter, my husband takes my car to our dealership for scheduled maintenance. He gets the oil changed and tires rotated. $62.88

5 p.m. — I make vegetable soup and cornbread for dinner and then let my daughter make sugar cookies to decorate. After cleaning up, we spend time together as a family watching the new Disney movie Soul and head to bed around 9:30.

Daily Total: $62.88

Day Three

6:45 a.m. — I wake up to a phone call from our school district informing us school for today is canceled due to widespread power outages. I snuggle back up to my husband and go back to sleep.

8 a.m. — Since it’s a snow day, I let my toddler sleep in a little longer than normal for a weekday. I make my family omelets for breakfast and then get my toddler ready to go next door to my parents. Even though it’s a technical “snow day,” meaning I don’t have to work, I plan on taking advantage of the relaxed schedule to get caught up on grading. My husband takes my daughter to my parents’ house and I get started on last week’s grades.

10:45 a.m. — The ice storm hits us and we lose electricity. I walk next door to my parents’ and then across the street to my grandmother’s to make a list of what everyone needs. I compile their lists and head out to the local hardware store to pick up emergency supplies with my husband.

12 p.m. — I have to drive two towns over to find a store that has the emergency supplies we need. We pick up lunch at Wendy’s on the way. He has a cheeseburger and fries, and I have chili and water. $12.54

12:30 p.m. — We purchase the gasoline my parents need for their generator, the lanterns my grandmother needs for her house, and the propane we need for our emergency propane heater and then head home. The electric company is giving an estimate of two to fourteen days in repair time, so we’re prepared for no power the next few days. $178.93

4:38 p.m. — We still don’t have power and my dad is having trouble starting his generator, so we order dinner for delivery for ourselves, my parents, and grandmother. Luckily we have cell service still, no idea how long that will last. $48.22

8:30 p.m. — We’ve got our heater going, oil lanterns lit, and we spend the evening playing board games with our daughter. Since we aren’t sure how long we’re going to be without power, we call it a night at 9 and camp out together in the living room near the propane heater to stay warm. My boss texts me before I go to sleep and informs me school tomorrow is canceled again due to power outages.

Daily Total: $239.69

Day Four

8 a.m. — We wake up and go to my grandmother’s to take showers since she has gas heating, a gas stove, and a gas water heater. She makes us breakfast and we spend the morning in front of her coal-burning fireplace telling stories and enjoying family time.

9:45 a.m. — I drive into town to our local McDonald’s so I can pick up LTE service on my cell phone and check in with my co-workers. I buy a coffee and cherry pie and spend a couple of hours contacting my students to check in with them for the day. Most are also without power. $2.50

2 p.m. — I make ham sandwiches and take that and pasta salad I made a few days ago that has been in the refrigerator to my parents’ house for lunch. My parents, husband, toddler, and grandmother are all there. We spend the time warming up in front of my parents’ heater being powered by their generator and play some card games.

4:33 p.m. — Our electricity comes back on, yay! I take advantage of the power and begin doing laundry from the past few days.

6:30 p.m. — I cook a late dinner of fried chicken. We eat together and my husband cleans up while I give my daughter a bath. We spend the evening watching TV together and call it a night at 8:30.

Daily Total: $2.50

Day Five

7 a.m. — I make my daughter a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with bananas for breakfast and then get her ready to go to my parents’ for the day. I dive into yesterday’s emails while my husband takes my daughter over.

12 p.m. — I have a ham sandwich for lunch while my husband makes a run to the pharmacy to pick up my daughter’s allergy medicines and my birth control. $7.42

3:15 p.m. — My husband and I finish working for the day and spend some alone time together before picking our daughter up from my parents’ house.

6:30 p.m. — I make enchiladas for dinner and my husband helps my daughter straighten up her bedroom as I cook. We eat together then spend the evening playing with our daughter before calling it a day around 10.

Daily Total: $7.42

Day Six

10:30 a.m. — Ahhh Saturday! We sleep in and then I make my family biscuits and gravy for breakfast. We spend the morning catching up on cleaning and laundry.

4 p.m. — We go to our favorite Japanese steakhouse for a late lunch/early dinner. We always try to spend Saturdays as a family and my daughter enjoys our Saturday outings. $65.99

5 p.m. — We stop by Walmart on the way home to pick up some milk for the house and we let my daughter pick out a small toy. $23.63

9:00 p.m. — My husband rents a movie from Vudu for the evening. We watch it together as a family and call it a day around 9. $3.99

Daily Total: $93.61

Day Seven

9:30 a.m. — I make cinnamon rolls for breakfast (Sunday tradition) and then spend the morning lesson planning for the next few weeks.

1:30 p.m. — I take a break from work to play some games with my daughter while my husband makes potato soup for lunch.

6:30 p.m. — We warm up potato soup from lunch for dinner. I bathe my daughter and get her ready for bed while my husband finishes up a load of laundry.

8:30 p.m. — Tomorrow starts another work week so we head to bed by 8:30.

Daily Total: $0

Money Diaries are meant to reflect an individual’s experience and do not necessarily reflect Refinery29’s point of view. Refinery29 in no way encourages illegal activity or harmful behavior.

The first step to getting your financial life in order is tracking what you spend — to try on your own, check out our guide to managing your money every day. For more money diaries, click here.

Do you have a Money Diary you’d like to share? Submit it with us here.

Have questions about how to submit or our publishing process? Read our Money Diaries FAQ doc here or email us here.

Like what you see? How about some more R29 goodness, right here?

A Week In St. Paul, MN, On A $58,000 Salary

A Week In Pennsylvania On A $106,000 Salary

A Week In Westchester, NY On A $525,000 Income

DMTBeautySpot

via https://www.DMTBeautySpot.com

Refinery29, Khareem Sudlow