About five years ago — after flipping through some dusty photo albums in my Southern California childhood home and unearthing a polaroid from the 90s — I discovered that I did not get it from my mama. Instead, I got my narrow hips, short torso, long legs, and broad shoulders directly from my father. So, I’m choking back a laugh seeing us both stunt in matching best-selling joggers from the SoCal-centric, extremely hang-loose-y performance apparel brand, Vuori.

Let’s just say, if you were to dunk a certain super citrusy Canadian activewear brand in Malibu’s Pacific Ocean; give it a beachy spray tan; and hand it a post-Runyon-Canyon-hike green juice, you’d get Vuori. We came across the sunshine-y, eco-conscious clothing retailer because of its substantially male cult following – our affiliate director’s very own fiancé is obsessed with his multiple pairs of Sunday Performance Joggers. So, naturally, we had to put the retailer’s top-reviewed women’s Performance Joggers to the test and…let my dad in on the fun. Below, read this seriously-SoCal father daughter duo’s honest review of these west coast sweats and find out if we’ll sport them on our next trip to In N’ Out.

Vuori Performance Joggers, $84 – $89

Vuori’s site is an athletic beach babe’s fever dream. Although, you don’t have to be a SoCal native like myself (did I already mention that by the way?) to enjoy the brand’s “new perspective on performance apparel.” In fact, its mystifyingly soft DreamKnit™ joggers, luxurious no-slip leggings, lightweight hoodies, and more on-site best-sellers were not necessarily made for perusing Malibu’s sandy shores — they’re simply inspired by “the active Coastal California lifestyle.”

Southern Californians can get a little one-track-Santa-Monica minded when it comes to our side of the state, so you may wonder, “what the hell is an active Coastal California lifestyle?” Essentially, those relaxed fits, supple recycled eco-friendly fabrics, subdued colorways, and stylishly simple designs emulate happy-go-lucky, laid-back, and casual Pacific Coast Highway culture. But, laid-back doesn’t mean lazy. Vuori offsets 100% of its carbon footprint, actively enforces ethical manufacturing, and engages in its community through free online workout classes on its ACTV Club on the daily.

For such quality, sustainable, and thoughtfully-made products, the Performance Jogger’s $84 to $89 price point is understandable. Plus, 15,089 reviews and a 4.9 out of 5-star rating (that’s 13,899 sparkly 5-star testimonies) are enough to justify any kind of splurge. Verified Vuori buyer, Emily C., wants a pair “in every color,” while 5′ 10″ verified buyer, E M., raves about the “not tight, but just fitted enough to be comfortable and not baggy” feel of the pant. We can’t pass over my personal favorite part: the feel. Reviewer Nina R. put it perfectly: “The fabric is SUPER comfy, so soft to the touch and substantial but also lightweight.” Let’s see how they handled my dad and I’s long legs.

Vuori’s Women’s Performance Jogger, $84

How tall are you?

5′ 8″ and I got a size medium.

How athletic and “coastal California” is your lifestyle?

My fellow Shopping team members asked me to review this brand for a reason: my entire life growing up in Ventura County, CA truly revolved around sports and Zuma Beach. I’m a little embarrassed at how stereotypical it was. Back then it was volleyball, basketball, soccer, track and field, etc. — now, I live in Brooklyn and go to the gym when I can.

How is the fit?

Quite frankly, I prefer my sweats baggy, long, and cozy. But, my legs did take a liking to the cropped, slender yet loose fit of these pants. I mean, they’re called joggers for a reason — and that bottom elastic cuff clung to my ankle very nicely. The cling is essential because too many a jogger has hiked up to my shins after a few steps. These did not. And, the waist! I love the waist band so much — it doesn’t constrict, but hugs and creates a cute ruffle effect around my stomach without embossing my skin with drawstring marks.

How is the feel?

Everyone, please give me your undivided attention: the silkiness and airiness of the DreamKnit™ fabric needs to be studied. I mention this, because in my hand the joggers are soft, but nothing I’ve never felt before. But when I put them on? How do I say that the recycled polyester fabric feels like a Build-A-Bear’s heart, the smooth white rubber toe-tip of a fresh pair of Converse, and a waterfall of cotton candy combined without sounding dramatic?

On a more concrete note: the joggers are thin, but not see through and optimal for movement, but not necessarily exercise. They’re also wonderfully stretchy and I wear them with no fear of ripping or snagging.

Where would you wear these?

I would definitely wear them on a hike, to the store, or the post office. They are perfect for those inbetweener exercise activities like going for a walk, a quick bike ride, or maybe even a yoga class. You’ll also find me sleeping in them and wearing them around my apartment 24/7. I recommend!

Vuori Men’s Sunday Performance Jogger, $89

How tall are you?

5′ 11″ and I ordered a size XL.

How athletic and “coastal California” is your lifestyle?

Well, I was born and raised in Oakland, CA and didn’t move to Southern California until the early 90s. I’m very athletic and go to the gym six out of the seven days of the week and you’ll mostly find me in activewear everyday. I’m not the most laid-back Southern California person, probably because I come from the Bay (shoutout to my high school alma mater McClymonds!) but I do rep California as a whole.

How is the fit?

They looked small but they fit well and they adjust to your body when you put them on. They also went to my ankles, which I appreciate. The drawstring is nice for customization and is comfortable when tied.

How is the feel?

They felt very soft, sleek, and comfortable. Color was a nice, good neutral that goes with many things in my wardrobe. In comparison to Nike and Adidas, these are more contemporary and they feels more breathable because the fabric is not your typical nylon. Plus, you have the elastic around your ankle — whereas most sweatpants are straight legged. 

Author’s note: My mom also got a feel of the joggers and noted, “They may be recycled polyester, but they have the feel of a natural fiber or organic material.”

Where would you wear these?

Because I sweat so much at the gym, I wouldn’t wear these joggers. But, I would wear them on a hike, or a nice walk, or a leisurely trip to the grocery store. I would recommend them to someone who wants a stylish fit for outdoor or indoor occasions as opposed to full-fledged exercise.

Bonus Vuori Reviews

Shopping director Elizabeth Buxton has a homegrown Vuori superfan in her very own household: her fiancé Tim Monaghan. Monaghan’s estimated collection of “four to five pairs of sweatpants, one pair of windpants/joggers, and two pairs of shorts” (from the brand he “thinks” he discovered on Instagram) is in constant rotation — whether he’s lounging around, working from home, running errands, or hanging with friends. What is it about Vuori’s crowd-pleasing trousers that keep him coming back for more? “They fit well, are extremely comfortable, and look nice enough to wear out in public,” he explained. Our Shopping director further elaborated that Vuori’s pants are “incredibly soft to the touch yet tailored enough to look sharp instead of schlumpy” — adding that she rarely, if ever, catches her fiancé at home not wearing a pair. “He’s so close to literally living in them that I find myself wondering how often he washes them.”

At Refinery29, we’re here to help you navigate this overwhelming world of stuff. All of our market picks are independently selected and curated by the editorial team. All product details reflect the price and availability at the time of publication. If you buy or click on something we link to on our site, Refinery29 may earn commission.

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Join CurlyNikki at the Clearwater Beach Florida Meditation Retreat!

Rooted in Love

a Mini Retreat +

Transformative Life Experience

When: Saturday, March 26th at 10:00 a.m. EST

Join me, and acupuncture physician and Doctor of Oriental Medicine, Dr. Gene Healy, for a Go(o)d morning, in-person, in Florida! Space is limited but the LOVE is not!

Come and enjoy the experience of:

• Guided Divine Love Meditation
• Walking Meditation
• Qi Gong
• New Go(o)d Friends!

If you’re in the area, sign-up and be sure to share the Go(o)d news with a friend!

Register Now!!

I Love you,
Nik
nikki@curlynikki.com

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Welcome to Money Diaries, where we are tackling the ever-present taboo that is money. We’re asking real people how they spend their hard-earned money during a seven-day period — and we’re tracking every last dollar.

Today: a project manager who makes $150,000 per year and spends some of her money this week on an astrology reading.

Occupation: Project Manager
Industry: Pharmaceutical Research
Age: 30
Location: The Island Of Hawai’i
Salary: $150,000
Net Worth: $140,800 ($90,000 in 401(k), $15,000 in emergency fund, $28,800 in investments, $7,000 in liquid savings. I am single and financially independent. I currently live with my dad and don’t own a home or have any large assets.)
Debt: $0
Paycheck Amount (2x/month): $3,713 after 8% 401(k) contribution
Pronouns: She/her

Monthly Expenses
Housing: I moved into my father’s house at the start of COVID and contribute $500 a month to groceries/household costs. I do not pay rent.
Loan Payments: $0 (I was able to pay off my car in the first six months of living at home.)
Storage Unit: $200
Phone Bill: $85
Streaming: $50
Gym Membership: $162
Car Insurance: $115

Was there an expectation for you to attend higher education? Did you participate in any form of higher education? If yes, how did you pay for it?
The expectation was that I would attend higher education if I didn’t have a trade and/or business plan. I am the first person in my family to graduate with a bachelor’s degree — both my father and my brother own construction companies, and my mom was a stay-at-home mom until I was in high school. My college was paid for by my parents. I attended a state university, where my mother worked, so they received 50% off tuition. They also paid for my books and fees. I worked through school to pay for bills/spending, but I had a credit card under my dad’s account for basics.

Growing up, what kind of conversations did you have about money? Did your parent/guardian(s) educate you about finances?
My family didn’t talk extensively about finances when I was growing up. The most-stressed lesson was always not to live beyond your means and do not get into debt. I witnessed my dad working very hard for his company, and he was very proud of not having any type of debt beyond a mortgage.

What was your first job, and why did you get it?
Beyond doing clerical work for my dad’s company to earn my allowance, I was a sandwich artist at Subway, where I started when I was 16. I got the job to afford my gas and earn spending money. My parents bought my first car and paid for the insurance, but everything else was up to me. I’ve worked nearly full-time since then, with a few small gaps in college.

Did you worry about money growing up?
I don’t recall ever worrying about money during my childhood. Both my brother and I were provided with everything we needed, as well as the “fun” things. We were both involved in very competitive sports teams, which included traveling and private coaches, and were never asked to contribute to or fundraise the cost. I attended a very wealthy high school and in relation to a lot of my classmates, I knew my family wasn’t wealthy, but we were very comfortable. I did not have to contribute to any family bills, but I did work to earn certain things my parents provided me.

Do you worry about money now?
I don’t worry about money on a day-to-day or month-to-month basis. I worry about being able to afford buying a home on a single income. Even before living at home, I made enough to cover my monthly costs, contribute to my 401(k) and savings, and have a decent amount of expendable income. Living at home, I have had the privilege of paying off my car, contributing a very large amount to my retirement, saving up for a down payment, and still having plenty of spending money. But when it comes to buying a home, I feel an immense amount of pressure to continue making six figures just to be able to stay afloat.

At what age did you become financially responsible for yourself, and do you have a financial safety net?
I became 100% financially responsible for myself at the age of 24, when I graduated from college and moved away from my hometown. Since then, I haven’t received any type of financial assistance. I currently have a financial safety net of $15,000 that is in an index fund and not touched. In the event that I deplete all of my savings and my financial safety net, I do know that I have family and a family business that could help me. On the other side of the coin, I currently help one of my parents financially.

Do you or have you ever received passive or inherited income? If yes, please explain.
I received a $10,000 inheritance when a family member passed away, which I used to live on during part of my college years. I have never received any other type of financial inheritance.

Day One

6 a.m. — As I do most days, I wake up at 4 a.m. to log on to work. I work remotely for an East Coast–based company, so I operate five hours earlier to coincide with their working hours. I make coffee at home. My dad makes cold brew concentrate and it’s what I drink every single day. I also make my breakfast at home. Because I don’t pay rent or household bills, I buy most of the groceries for the house. Food prices in Hawaii are sky-high, so I make a concerted effort to eat at home as much as possible. I work from home for the remainder of the morning.

9 a.m. — I scroll through Instagram between meetings and come across a post for the local humane society that is running a fundraiser. I donate $20. $20

2 p.m. — I go to a lunchtime workout class, which is part of my monthly membership. Because of my early schedule, the lunch hour is the best time for me to work out and it’s honestly a great relief to get out of the house most days. After the gym, I force myself to get an oil change, seeing as the oil-change light has been on for a week. I add on a car wash. After, I drive home and eat a lunch of leftover pizza, which a friend and I ordered last night while we binge-watched Yellowjackets. $116.51

7 p.m. — I meet my friend to go surfing for a couple of hours and when I get home, I put together a meal of leftover poke and rice that I got at the grocery store a few days ago. Because I work so early, I’m in bed by 9 or 10 at the latest. I typically read a book or watch a TV show to fall asleep.

Daily Total: $136.51

Day Two

6 a.m. — My morning looks the same as every other weekday morning: coffee, breakfast, more coffee, and working from home until the lunch hour.

2 p.m. — I meet a friend at the beach after work. We catch up and spend some time reading. I ride my moped to the grocery store to get some items for a new recipe I want to make tonight. I buy Portuguese sausage, an onion, half-and-half, red curry paste, arrowroot flour, garlic, fish sauce, sriracha, a potato, lemon, and lime. $56.76

8 p.m. — I make Panang curry meatballs for dinner and pair them with rice and red wine. A friend invites me to go camping next weekend, so I book a camping permit online. I have another glass of wine and finish my Netflix show before bed. $6

Daily Total: $62.76

Day Three

10 a.m. — My morning is another rinse-and-repeat morning: coffee, breakfast, and work from home. While on Instagram, I remember I need new sandals for an upcoming family trip. I buy some Birkenstocks from Nordstrom for $42.30, using a $10 coupon I had. I continue my social media binge, make a couple of TikToks, and wrap up work for the day. I eat some leftover meatballs for lunch and then meet my friend to go surfing for the afternoon. $42.30

7 p.m. — My friends-with-benefits invites me over for dinner — he’s making blackened ono. We cook dinner and drink wine. We spend the night playing with our dogs and watching an old season of The Great British Baking Show.

Daily Total: $42.30

Day Four

6 a.m. — Same morning routine. Today I have endless meetings, and truly not enough coffee.

2 p.m. — Once I finally end my meetings, I go for a run and bring my dog. We run about three miles, and I am not feeling great at all afterward. I cancel my plans to go surfing because I have dinner plans tonight for a friend’s birthday and need to see how I’m feeling. I stop at the store on the way home and buy a lei for the birthday girl to bring to dinner. $23.03

7 p.m. — After a quick nap, I’m feeling much better. I get ready and meet friends at a restaurant with a Taco Thursday special! It is somewhat of a surprise since we haven’t been able to be together much during COVID. I give my friend the lei I bought her, which she absolutely loves. We order beers, mai tais, and lots of street tacos, and her husband insists on paying the bill. I head home to do my skincare and fall asleep knowing I have an early morning.

Daily Total: $23.03

Day Five

10:30 a.m. — It’s Aloha Friday! I still have my same morning routine and get to end my workday a little early today for an appointment. I’ve booked a call with an astrologist, which costs me $225 for an hour. She does a reading, calling in my spirit guides, and we focus a lot on relationships, traveling, and family. I don’t believe in astrology as a way to dictate my life decisions, but I do find it validating and thought-provoking, especially in times of uncertainty. I work out at home, then take my dog to the beach for the afternoon. $225

7 p.m. — When I get home from the beach, I’m truly not sure I have the energy to cook dinner. My dad suggests ordering Chinese food and I would love nothing more. He orders, pays for it, and picks it up while I shower and get comfy for the night. Fridays are full of skincare, Dateline, and wine.

Daily Total: $225

Day Six

6 a.m. — I would love to be able to sleep in on the weekends, but it’s just not in the cards. I make my coffee and have a light breakfast before taking my dog for a run. Afterward, I stop at the grocery store to get a few things I need for the weekend. I buy a pack of eight hard pineapple ciders, Parmesan cheese, and hot cocoa. Then we go to a tide pool to go swimming and I run into a few friends. We drink half the ciders I bought. $37.09

5 p.m. — I offered to help my friend-with-benefits deliver a car to a customer a couple of hours away. He drives their car and I follow him in his car. Once we drop it off, we drive to a volcano to hike and see the lava. We eat sandwiches I packed for dinner. After our hike, he drives us home, and I am up way past my bedtime.

Daily Total: $37.09

Day Seven

8 a.m. — We wake up in the morning starving and decide to go out to breakfast. We walk our dogs and then go to one of our favorite breakfast spots. He pays the bill since I did him a favor, but I buy a coffee to go. We decide to go to the beach to watch the waves and swim for a while. $4.95

5 p.m. — After, I shower and get my life together. My friend picks me up and we go to the grocery store, where I buy salsa, chips, and a Diet Coke. We take our snacks to a friend’s vintage store, where we’re having a craft night. Our friend has hundreds of boxes of vintage items and we spend the night snacking and making collages. Naturally, I’m in bed by 9 p.m., ready for the next week of work. $14.79

Daily Total: $19.74

Money Diaries are meant to reflect an individual’s experience and do not necessarily reflect Refinery29’s point of view. Refinery29 in no way encourages illegal activity or harmful behavior.

The first step to getting your financial life in order is tracking what you spend — to try on your own, check out our guide to managing your money every day. For more money diaries, click here.

Do you have a Money Diary you’d like to share? Submit it with us here.

Have questions about how to submit or our publishing process? Read our Money Diaries FAQ doc here or email us here.

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5 Key Ingredients in the Best Anti-Aging Products for Skincare

Taking care of yourself is vital, especially as you get older. Even when you reach your twenties, you may notice you can’t do some of the same things you used to when you were a teenager. This becomes truer as your age increases.

The same goes for your skin’s health. So, as you try to eat right and ensure you’re in good health, remember your skin should receive the same treatment. A balanced diet will help your skin from the inside and there are many topical skincare products you can use to nourish, protect, and rejuvenate it from the outside.

Here are some of the most important ingredients you can expect to find in the best anti-aging products.

1. Vitamin C

Vitamin C is an antioxidant that benefits every skin type, protecting the skin from environmental pollutants, including UV exposure. Additionally, it reduces fine lines and wrinkles, brightens the complexion, and increases collagen to make the skin appear plumper while leaving a citrus scent.

Lastly, it balances sebum production in the skin. Sebum is the natural mix of oils your skin produces, especially the skin of your face and scalp. It helps to keep the skin and hair lubricated, elastic, and supple.

Related articles:

• 10 Important Scalp Care Tips for Healthy Scalp and Hair
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2. Peptides

You won’t come across any list of the most effective ingredients in anti-aging products and not find peptides on it. They help to make the best anti-aging skincare products. Peptides are naturally occurring molecules made from living organisms, including plant sources. They stimulate collagen production in the skin while improving overall skin texture and decreasing wrinkles. You can also find many peptide-based skincare products that don’t contain parabens, which can irritate the skin.

3. Licorice Root

Derived from the Glycyrrhiza glabra plant, licorice has many valuable health benefits. It not only has brightening properties to reduce the appearance of sunspots and hyperpigmentation but also contains glabridin, which stops discoloration after sun exposure. Licorice root also preserves a vital ingredient called hyaluronic acid, which holds 1,000 times its weight in water, keeping the skin plump and hydrated.

What’s more, licorice root helps to regenerate the skin’s collagen supply. Collagen is a kind of protein, and while keratin is the most abundant protein in hair, collagen is the one occurring most throughout the body, helping to give tissues their structure. Licorice root also aids with the regeneration of elastin, another important protein in the skin that helps to keep the skin soft, strong, bouncy, and smooth.

Find out about a “rich” source of the amino acids that help to form collagen and elastin for youthful-looking skin: 5 Amazing Caviar Benefits for Skin and Hair Care.

Read more about protecting your skin from sun damage: 5 Great Reasons You Need Sun Protection for Hair and Scalp Care.

4. Coenzyme Q10

Also known as ubiquinone, coenzyme Q10 is naturally present in virtually every cell of your body, providing powerful antioxidant protection and collagen-boosting capabilities. However, when people hit the age of 30, they often become deficient in coenzyme Q10. Over time, coenzyme Q10 deficiency results in the body’s inability to properly produce collagen and elastin. So, finding anti-aging products with this ingredient will significantly benefit both the body and skin.

5. Retinoids

Consisting of naturally occurring vitamin A compounds, retinol and retinoic acids are key ingredients in topical skincare products. They’re beneficial anti-aging skincare ingredients that increase cellular turnover to improve skin texture, elasticity, fine lines, and brown spots.

Slowly incorporate products containing retinoids into your skincare routine, starting at once a week and slowly increasing your use daily as your skin adjusts. Watch for signs of redness, dryness, or flaking and cut back on using the product (use less and/or less often). The redness, dryness, and flaking should decrease over time with continued use.

Growing older every year is normal, but that doesn’t mean your skin should suffer from it. Take action now and give your skin some TLC; you’ll reap the beautiful benefits for years to come.

What other ingredients do you look for in the best anti-aging products for your skin? Share!

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On Sunday the year’s biggest stars – from House of Gucci's Lady Gaga to Bridgerton’s Simone Ashley – came out for the 2022 BAFTA Awards. As to be expected, nominees, presenters and guests provided a feast for our eyes with their dreamy red carpet looks.  

Taking place at London’s Royal Albert Hall, it was clear once the red carpet began filling that ~drama~ was the name of the game... Fitting, right? Normal People’s Daisy Edgar-Jones dazzled in a fringed, tulle-backed gown, while West Side Story’s Ariana DeBose went for a daring thigh-high slit and her co-star Rachel Zegler stunned in a bright blue corseted gown. 

Here are our picks for best-dressed looks from the BAFTA red carpet.

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Thirty-six.

That was the fertility deadline I gave myself, somewhat arbitrarily, when I was in my 20s. If I was still single when I was 36, I decided, I would freeze my eggs.

Perhaps unsurprisingly, that’s not what happened. When I turned 36, I was single, kind of: I was casually dating an older man who I didn’t want to give up, even though he told me he never saw himself falling in love with me. 

I considered going forward with my plan. I bought a book about a woman exploring having a child on her own, but only made it halfway through before giving it to my roommate. I met with a fertility doctor to talk about egg freezing, but sat in a daze as she sketched out the low probability of the process working because of my age and other factors. 

Frankly, even if I wanted to, I couldn’t afford to freeze my eggs, and some part of me just felt that I didn’t need to, though I wasn’t quite sure what that meant at the time. 

Motherhood was all around me. Many of my friends already had kids, and shortly after my visit, four of my friends made appointments with that same fertility doctor. Some froze their eggs. One friend decided to pursue having a baby on her own.

At the same time, my desires were evolving. I was asking myself, What happened if I let go of the story? What if the rom-com version of love — meet your partner, fall in love, get married, buy a house, have kids, and live happily ever after — wasn’t the version of love I had to pursue, or even the one that would make me happiest? I started to imagine life playing out differently for me. It was uncomfortable, but also liberating.

But when my new employer expanded their fertility benefits last year, when I was 39, I reconsidered. I had never dreamed of my wedding day, but I wanted a family of my own because I had that family growing up — and still do — the one where my parents are happily married after 51 years, and we fly across the country to celebrate the milestone and mundane in-between moments. What if I met someone and we could not conceive because my eggs were too old, and I had chosen to not freeze them when I had the option? Why not keep this door open given we never know what each day is going to bring? I had the opportunity to have a choice and control over my body — and I took it. 

After months of an administrative nightmare, I picked up the medicine I needed from the pharmacy, my friend came over and showed me how to mix them together; how to pinch my stomach, and inject myself with hormones. I felt empowered by the process, but disconnected from it, too. I was worried the hormones would throw my body and somewhat delicate psychological state off-kilter even more so as I was a year into the pandemic, and in an intense period at work; however, I was fortunate in that I did not have adverse physical effects from the hormones until after the egg retrieval procedure. 

Of course, there have been ups and downs. My young nieces still ask me each time I see them if I’ll get married; my six-year old niece really wants to be a flower girl. I tell them I don’t know and think of a line from a Shel Silverstein poem, “Anything can happen, child, anything can be.” Family and friends still tell me, “Never give up. You’ll meet your person one day.” 

One night, before the egg retrieval, my younger sister FaceTimed me and shared she was pregnant with her second child. Happiness washed over me, along with other feelings. As I sat besides my parents, who were visiting, words could not accurately capture my emotions, so I yet again pinched my stomach, gave myself the hormone shots, and then tears started streaming down my face: a mixture of happiness, self-pity, and acceptance running through my body. 

My egg freezing process was successful, in that my doctor froze seven eggs. There are seven potential little Lindys in a fertility facility in Northern California. But what I hadn’t expected was that through this process, I would grieve and abandon the notion of carrying a child of my own with a spouse by my side, as well as a certain kind of life. 

What happened instead was this: with each perfectly-calibrated hormone shot, I released myself from the pressure and the outcome of what would happen next. I gave myself permission to let myself see other paths of life more clearly, including the independent, self-sufficient, privileged life full of love that was already my own.

For years, I placed so much emphasis on the moment love would enter my life in the form of a romantic partner and then children. And yet, by living without these things, I created space in my life for all the other kinds of love and relationships that are as meaningful, particularly the love for self.

My fertility journey helped me loosen my grip on romantic love. I’ve always been open to adopting children and still am if that is where my life path takes me. There are many ways to build and create family; I had many forms of love and support in my life, and saw all of this love in a different light throughout this process.

I often ask myself what society would look like if we recognized personal growth as much as we did partnership. What if the goal was to date people we care about, and in doing so learn how to articulate our needs and desires and how to love ourselves first — even if it doesn’t result in a ring on the finger? What if deciding to pick up and move across the country for a job was as celebrated as meeting the person you want to be with for the rest of your life?

I’ve decorated my apartment not with gifts from a wedding registry, but with lamps from Brooklyn flea markets, a rug from Sayulita, Mexico, a console I found on the street when I first moved to San Francisco. I travel and go out on my own, read books at bars while making new friends. I run, practise yoga, and attend pottery classes, self-defense trainings, intimacy retreats, and writing workshops.

Each action required a courageous leap of faith and deep intention in creating a life that was true to my values, with or without a partner by my side; with each moment, I’ve welcomed a sense of acceptance for that life and how it is indeed one I’ve chosen.

My life is full and alive; it is sometimes lonely, but it is also my own.

Sometimes as I find myself lost in San Francisco’s foggy skies, I catch myself thinking about the experiences I’ve had that would not have happened had I chosen a different path: feeling the breezes on my face on the back of a moto ride in Rwanda, climbing to the summit of Mount Kenya, driving down the coast of Highway One and seeing the waves of the Pacific Ocean crash against the Big Sur cliffs, experiencing the magic of fall in New York City’s East Village.

And I think to myself, embracing a complicated type of gratitude tightly to my chest, This is exactly where I am supposed to be.

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DMTBeautySpot

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Lindy Mockovak, DMT.NEWS, DMT BeautySpot,