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Every Classic Way to Spice Sex Up, Ranked

‘How to spice up your sex life’ lists are a well-worn trope of the relationship advice industry by now. 

They’ve been a perennial favorite of both men’s and women’s advice magazines for decades, and now that digital publishing is all the rage, you can hardly throw a Google query about sex without accidentally running into one. 

The only problem is, they’re all more or less saying the same things. There are only so many things you can realistically do to ‘spice up your sex life’ in a way that’s realistic and easy to attain, pleasurable enough to be worth trying, and fresh enough to be different from what you’re already doing. 

Of course, every now and then, something new — think the increasing normalization of sexting — comes along and gives every sex and dating expert out there a new weapon in their arsenal. But until the next trend pops up, you’re basically pulling at straws. 

Essentially, that’s how now-infamous Cosmo tips like “give him a grapefruit blowjob” happen: Some days you have to write a fresh better-sex advice list and you don’t have any new advice. 

To give you a realistic sense of what you actually can do to spice your sex life up, we read just about every spicing your sex life up guide out there and then put together a list of the 20 most common tips — then ranked them from best to worst suggestions. You’re welcome! 

20 Classic Ways to Spice Up Your Sex Life, Ranked

20. Play Sex Games Together

Spice meter: 4/10 Realism meter: 7/10 Pleasure meter: 5/10

There’s a whole industry of sex games out there, from basic sex dice to much more elaborate board games. But if you need a set of instructions and a deck of custom sex cards in order to have better sex, you might consider sex therapy, which is probably more useful for couples whose sex lives are this level of uninspired. 

19. Try a New Position

Spice meter: 2/10 Realism meter: 9/10 Pleasure meter: 5/10

Depending on how adventurous (and knowledgeable) you are, you might have tried all the sex positions you’re interested in already — but if not, throwing in a few new ones here and there is an easy way to get some novelty in the mix. That being said, a new position or two is unlikely to set your sex life on fire. 

18. Try Getting Flavorful

Spice meter: 5/10 Realism meter: 9/10 Pleasure meter: 3/10

Lots of hokey sex advice involves using food or other flavoring agents somehow. Eat whipped cream off each other, used flavored lube or condoms, give your partner a blowjob with mints in your mouth, things like that. Sure, it might push your boundaries a little bit, but unless you’re sexually aroused by baking ingredients, it might be more mess than magic bullet for your sex life.

17. Make It Last Longer

Spice meter: 4/10 Realism meter: 7/10 Pleasure meter: 6/10

Lots of bad sex is bad in part because it’s over all too soon — but that doesn’t mean sex that lasts for two hours is magically amazing. Sure, slowing things down can open up new understandings of what sex can be, but if you’re not in tune with each other’s desires, longer sex is just going to be… bad sex that drags on too long. 

16. Have Sex to Sexy Music

Spice meter: 3/10 Realism meter: 10/10 Pleasure meter: 4/10

Sex to music might be a necessity if there are often other people home — but if you’re not doing it already, putting some sensual tracks on while going at it can open up a fun new dimension. It won’t revolutionize anything, but it’s an accessible way to change the tone of your sex — pun very much intended.  

15. Try Using Handcuffs

Spice meter: 9/10 Realism meter: 4/10 Pleasure meter: 5/10

Curious about dipping a toe into the world of BDSM? Handcuffs seem like the sex columnist-approved option for beginners. Whichever material you’re choosing, they give you a taste of what it’s like to use restraints (and a potential built-in roleplay scenario) without demanding you tie intricate knots in the heat of the moment or purchase cumbersome equipment. 

14. Have Experimental Sex

Spice meter: 5/10 Realism meter: 9/10 Pleasure meter: 5/10

Every other ‘spice up your sex life’ list seems to suggest tweaking sex in some weird and unique way. Having sex without kissing, without using your hands, in the dark, without making a sound, you name it — a sex advice columnist has suggested it. It’s hard to rate them all as one suggestion, but the main constant is they don’t require much from the participants — and they likely won’t fix your flagging sex life, either. 

13. Try a New Location

Spice meter: 5/10 Realism meter: 8/10 Pleasure meter: 6/10

Sure, trying a new position in the same old bed you always have sex in can be fun — but trying the same old positions in a brand new location is the real spice hack. Whether it’s a different room in your home, in a forest, a parked car or a public washroom, sex in a new place will be instantly memorable — and often refreshingly hot. 

RELATED: How to Have Public Sex Without Getting Caught

12. Get a Hotel Room

Spice meter: 7/10 Realism meter: 5/10 Pleasure meter: 7/10

Hotel rooms are arguably just a subset of “new locations,” but they’re a common and unique enough suggestion that they merit their own entry on this list. Why? Because whether you’re in your own city or not, hotel sex is hot. You feel free: You won’t have to clean these sheets or even make the bed if you don’t want to, and it’s an easy in for role-playing — as a well-to-do couple, two people having an affair, a celebrity and a groupie, etc.

11. Watch Porn Together

Spice meter: 5/10 Realism meter: 9/10 Pleasure meter: 5/10

So long as one of you has internet access, this is hardly a tall order, but finding porn that you both find arousing might be tricky. That being said, a conversation about what you like to watch could dig up some fresh erotic territory to mine, and making porn-watching something you can share rather than hide from each other can be both genuinely hot and strengthen your relationship. 

RELATED: Here’s How to Watch Porn Together

10. Experiment With Erotica

Spice meter: 6/10 Realism meter: 8/10 Pleasure meter: 5/10

Similarly, getting into erotica together can be a lot of fun — and unlike porn, you’re not constrained by the limits of what’s been filmed. There’s easily available erotica for literally every kink and fetish — and if you can’t find exactly what you’re looking for, well, you can try your hand at writing it. 

9. Be Spontaneous

Spice meter: 6/10 Realism meter: 8/10 Pleasure meter: 6/10

As with having different kinds of ‘experimental’ sex, being ‘spontaneous’ is both great and useless sex advice. Then again, spontaneity is often at the root of great sex. Even if you’re used to your significant other not being in the mood, giving it a shot here and there could lead to a pleasant surprise — and keeping that spirit of spontaneity and excitement in the air is a core tenet of a spiced-up sex life. 

8. Try Sex Blindfolded

Spice meter: 6/10 Realism meter: 9/10 Pleasure meter: 6/10

Buying a blindfold — or using a blindfold-like piece of fabric you have lying around — is a bit more actionable than ‘Be Spontaneous,’ so while blindfolded sex is less important to a couple’s overall happiness (and frankly will be decidedly unsexy for many), it slides in one spot ahead. Why? We’re so used to sex having a visual component that undoing that (whether you, your partner or both) can deeply reset how we experience it. (Plus, if you’re roleplaying, wearing a blindfold and imagining a scenario is cheaper and easier than springing for costumes.)

7. Try Using Sex Toys

Spice meter: 6/10 Realism meter: 7/10 Pleasure meter: 8/10

‘Sex toys’ is a pretty broad category, but if you’re not already incorporating any into the sex you have with your partner, opening up to the possibility can really take things to the next level. Most sex toys aren’t particularly kinky, and using them with a partner might require a bit of courage from guys who are more insecure in bed, but they can absolutely up the orgasm factor in a hurry.

6. Try Roleplay

Spice meter: 7/10 Realism meter: 8/10 Pleasure meter: 7/10

Roleplaying isn’t for everyone, and for it to be sexy, it has to be done well. (Plus, some people will find costumes or props hot; others will just start laughing.) But if you can figure out what kind of roleplay dynamic works for both of you, you’re well on your way to having incredibly hot sex a lot more frequently. 

5. Try Mutual Masturbation

Spice meter: 4/10 Realism meter: 10/10 Pleasure meter: 8/10

Lots of couples resort to not having sex when they’re too tired or not feeling well — when instead they could be jerking off next to each other. Accepting that not all sexual moments in a relationship need to involve penetration can help make sex a constant (or at least more consistent) presence in your relationship, rather than a series of all-too-short, infrequent romps. 

RELATED: Here’s How to Make Mutual Masturbation Work for You

4. Have a Quickie

Spice meter: 8/10 Realism meter: 7/10 Pleasure meter: 8/10

Sometimes spicing sex up means going back to basics rather than evolving. So if your sex life is ailing, getting it on like a pair of frantic teens can be just what the doctor ordered. Whether you’re doing it in public or at home, squeezing a hot and heavy sex session into as short a timeframe as possible can help rekindle some of the early-days magic you’re now sorely missing.

3. Give Each Other Massages

Spice meter: 6/10 Realism meter: 9/10 Pleasure meter: 8/10

There’s a reason “happy ending” massage parlors and massage-themed porn exist — in the right context, massages can be intensely arousing and erotic. With nothing more than a little massage oil, your average weeknight naked times can turn into drawn-out erotic experiences that leave you feeling both relaxed and sexually satisfied. (Plus, yes, there’s a roleplay angle.)

RELATED: How to Give a Sensual, Erotic Massage Like a Pro

2. Try Sexting

Spice meter: 7/10 Realism meter: 9/10 Pleasure meter: 7/10

If you spend a lot of time apart from your partner — say, almost any couple where at least one person works full-time — you probably text them a fair amount. Want to keep the flame alive? Turn those texts sexy. Whether you’re shooting off “I want you” with some sexy emojis or sending full-on nudes, sexting is a low-cost, low-effort way to explore your desire and arousal even when you’re apart. 

1. Try Dirty Talk

Spice meter: 8/10 Realism meter: 7/10 Pleasure meter: 8/10

Dirty talk is basically sexting’s logical evolution. It might be awkward, initially, to say the same kinds of things in the heat of the moment — but saying them and hearing them while you’re actually having sex can turn so-so sex into intensely hot sex, without you needing to do anything except use your words. As far as spicing your sex life goes, that’s as good as it gets. 

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Ian Stobber, Khareem Sudlow