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The Godfather – the iconic trilogy that captured the imaginations of men across generations. A tragic story about a young and idealistic man as he snuffs out his own soul in pursuit of power. As a style blog, we want to focus on one thing: style.

We will be focusing entirely on Part 2. Let's not waste any more time and delve in.

 

Click Here To Watch The Video – Style Expert Breaks Down The Godfather: Part II

 

Why 2 and not 1?

The style in part 1 is superb but limited. The film takes place mainly in New York with brief stops in Sicily, California, and Nevada. There is almost no seasonal variety to boot. Part 2, on the other hand, is varied. The story spans Nevada, Miami, Havana, Sicily, and New York. The film covers almost 60 years, giving us unprecedented variety in style.

 

1. First Communion Suit – Michael Corleone (Al Pacino)

The film opens in 1958 Nevada, where the Corleone family celebrates the first communion of Michael's son, Anthony. Michael, of course, is the trilogy's main character.

Celebrations are short-lived as Michael deals with his dysfunctional family, his brother's incompetence, and a corrupt senator.

Godfather Style Breakdown

Costume designer Theadora Van Runkle debuts Michael in a simple yet luxurious look, making one lethal (and he is lethal) combination.

• Gray dupioni silk suit: We see black and white flecks as well as slubbing. The downside to this kind of suit is that it wrinkles easily due to how light the silk is.
• Single-breasted 2-button jacket: The classic jacket at work with notch lapels, a welted breast pocket, and 3-button cuffs. There are no vents, but that was typical of 50s fashion.
• Pleated trousers: They have side pockets, no back pockets, and cuffed bottoms.
• Black leather belt with a round buckle: A dressier but fundamentally casual belt thanks to the buckle.
• White dress shirt: It has pointed collars, barrel cuffs, and a placket with no visible pockets.
• Black silk tie: Simple and gets the job done – no tie pin in sight.
• Light gray leather tassel loafers: Here Michael successfully breaks a style rule by refusing to match his leathers. The loafers match the suit instead while the socks stay black. Click here to check out our core article on loafers.

Despite being quite a powerful man, Michael's wardrobe is simplistic and limited. The overall look is plain – he doesn't wear a tie pin nor a watch for added pizzaz. The only visible jewelry is a wedding band on his left ring finger. To be honest, he doesn't need to be showy to get your attention.

 

2. First Communion Tux – Fredo Corleone (John Cazale)

Fredo is introduced in the same sequence as Michael in the silk suit. Though Fredo is much older, he's an idiot. He means well but is incompetent and weak – something that Michael deals with throughout the film.

Godfather Style Breakdown

Once again, Theadora Van Runkle captures the essence of the character through their style. In Fredo's case, it is clumsy and stupid.

• Single-breasted jacket: There are no buttons which is unusual. We also see a vibrant Madras checked pattern in orange and brown with accenting white lines. The shoulders are visible padded and he sports shawl lapels. There is no visible breast pocket and the jacket uses standard 3-button cuffs.
• Black trousers: Though difficult to make out, there don't seem to be any pleats. There are definitely side pockets.
• Black cummerbund: Fredo uses this in place of a belt – typical with black tie.
• White cotton tuxedo shirt: A standard shirt to use with a tuxedo which uses a pleated front, black buttons, and French cuffs along with cufflinks. He also uses a pointed collar.
• Black bow tie: It's always crooked!
• Small black watch: We can't discern the model, but it uses a black leather band and a black dial rounded by a silver bezel.
• Silver ring: Worn on his right pinkie.

Fredo contrasts Michael in several ways – one way is the way he dresses. He can't seem to decide whether it's a formal or casual occasion. His jacket and dress shirt are oversized. The jacket falls straight down while the shirt sleeves extend well beyond a half-inch from the jacket cuffs. His trousers also flair out. Fredo breaks the rules of style in all the wrong ways.

 

3. Havana Suit – Michael Corleone (Al Pacino)

Students of history will know that 1950s Havana was a playground for the mob. The Godfather II plays on this and integrates it with the plot. Michael travels there to invest 2 million dollars but is then unsure about the island's stability.

Here, we get an excellent example of a simple summer style.

Godfather Style Breakdown

• Full cut suit: A hybrid of American and Italian style suits. It involves the body with a more comfortable fit like an American business suit and the slightly padded shoulder of an Italian suit.
• Tan and cream glen check: A bolder teal and cream shows an additional Prince of Wales pattern over the glen check.
• Single-breasted jacket: A 2-button front that he almost always wears open. Padded shoulders and roped sleeves with decorative 3-button cuffs. We see a welted breast pocket, roped sleeve heads, and no vents. The notch lapels have no buttonholes. Straight flapped hip pockets.
• Flat front trousers: They feature a high rise and cuffed bottoms. There are both belt loops and suspender buttons sewn on the inside.
• Knit white cotton short-sleeve polo: There is a pocket on the left of his chest and it is worn with the top two buttons open.
• Slim brown leather belt: A classic color with casual suits.
• Brown penny loafers: Worn with tan socks.
• Silk day cravat: It uses tones of bronze, brown, gold.
• Wedding band & gold watch: The watch model is not clear, but it has been speculated to be an 18-karat Omega Constellation.

Designed by Theadora Van Runkle and crafted by Western Costume Co, This look is iconic as it is featured in the movie posters. Michael brings simplicity to the summer. Indeed, the wildest detail is perhaps the cravat which we might consider outdated. Otherwise this is as timeless as casual style gets.

The suit went on auction twice: Once in 2000 and once again in 2014. In the latter, it was expected to go for $12,000-$14,000.

Click here if you want to learn more about mastering summer style.

 

4. White Suit – Don Fanucci (Gastone Moschin)

Between 1917 and 1920 in NYC, Don Fanucci rules the neighborhood where Vito Corleone (Michael's father) lives. He ruthlessly extracts a percentage from all businesses less they suffer his wrath. His flawlessly white-on-white suit is his signature look.

Godfather Style Breakdown

• Black woolen overcoat: We see pinstripes, wide peak lapels, and padded shoulders. There are sloping sleeve heads… but no discernable buttons. He always wears it across his shoulders.
• Single-breasted jacket: It's all white with notch lapels. Buttons are difficult to discern but it's likely a 3-button jacket with an American fit.  There is a black band on the left lapel as a nod to his nickname, The Black Hand.
• White waistcoat: Six white buttons. We also see a thick pocket watch chain clearly visible across the bottom of the waistcoat.
• White cotton dress shirt: He is sporting a club collar, which was common in the early 20th century.
• Printed gray tie: A subtle pattern is present and adorned with a single, round tie pin.
• White trousers: It's clearly a straight fit. No visible creases, pleats, or cuffs.
• off-white leather slippers: Unusually low-cut loafers with white socks.
• Gold ring: Worn on the right pinkie.
• White fedora: Worn with a white grosgrain band.

Don Fanucci wears the same suit faithfully until it gets riddled with holes by the young Vito Corleone, who then usurps his title.

 

5. First Quality Suit – Vito Corleone (Robert De Niro)

The movie switches between Michael and his father Vito in flashbacks so as to contrast the two. Young Vito's story takes him from a penniless immigrant to becoming the first Godfather. By 1920, he is an influential member of his community who can afford quality clothing. Let's see if he pulls it off.

Godfather Style Breakdown

• Brown wool chesterfield overcoat: Wide, rounded notch lapels. There are no visible buttons – if there are then they are very difficult to make out. There seems to be a very faint stripe pattern on the coat. We see padded shoulders as well. Click here to learn about men's overcoats.
• Black & white waistcoat: Sepia tones make the colors deceptive, but we surely see dress stripes. It uses five visible black buttons that blend with the color of the waistcoat and a yellow gold pocket watch chain that is clearly visible going off the left side of the waistcoat.
• Napped Cotton light blue & navy dress shirt:  The shirt uses a contrasting pointed collar & placket. Two breast pockets slant toward the chest with navy seams. We also see navy barrel cuffs.
• Gray wool trousers: No visible pleats or creases. They seem to be straight-fitting, but a little slimmer compared to the others seen in the film.
• Brown leather dress boots: It is difficult to determine, but they are most likely open-laced derby's.
• Printed light gray silk tie: The brightest detail on the whole ensemble and where the eyes are drawn.

Interestingly enough, Vito uses the same dress shirt in earlier scenes where he is impoverished. When pairing it with such extravagant new clothes, it marks the character's transition from poor to wealthy.

 

6. Revenge Suit – Vito Corleone (Robert De Niro)

In the summer of 1923, Vito returns to his hometown of Corleone, Sicily for two things: Olive oil investments, and revenge.

At the very beginning of the film, Don Ciccio murdered Vito's father and older brother. His mother was shot in front of him while he escaped. Decades later, now a grown man with money and power, he returns to get even. Once again, Theadora Van Runkle works her magic.

Godfather Style Breakdown

• Rust-brown pinstripe wool suit: Designed personally by Van Runkle, made by Western Costume Co, and tailored specifically for Robert De Niro.
• Single-breasted 3-button jacket. Short, wide peak lapels which were typical of the 1920s-1930s. The waist is suppressed with a horizontal seam going around the jacket level with the central button (De Niro was a size 31 waist at the time). The bottom is cut with squared and closed quarters. It uses single-button cuffs and a welted breast pocket that slants toward the center. We also see slanted pockets at the hips.
• White cotton dress shirt: Pointed collar, frontal placket, and buttoned barrel cuffs.
• Straight-leg trousers: Two-inch cuffs with velcro closure and a hook and eye snap waist.
• Single-breasted waistcoat: All six buttons are fastened.
• Printed tie: It is black with a tie pin.
• Dark brown leather derby cap-toe dress boots: They rise above the ankles when we can actually see them.
• Dark brown wool overcoat: Carried in at the beginning of the scene but never worn. It's easy to make out the darker satin lining.
• Brown fedora: With a brown grosgrain band. Click here to learn a little more about stylish headwear.
• Golden wedding ring: Worn on the left hand.

Sicilian summers can get into the 80s Fahrenheit, which makes you wonder why he chose a woolen suit and overcoat to wear. Nevertheless, it is a stylish ensemble worthy of avenging one's family.

Fun fact: This suit also went on auction. It was sold in Calabasas, California on June 30th, 2016 for around $20,000 – $30,000.

 

7. Trial Suit – Tom Hagen (Robert Duvall)

Tom is an important character through Godfathers 1-2. He is Vito's consigliere (chief advisor) throughout the first film as well as the family's top lawyer in both. His wise counsel is gradually ignored by an evermore bloodthirsty Michael.

Nevertheless, he is loyal to a fault and spearheads Michael's defense. Let's see if the style matches the spirit.

Godfather Style Breakdown

• 3-piece wool suit: Charcoal with faint pinstripes.
• Single-breasted jacket: Two buttons, notch Lapels, and structured shoulders. No hip pockets in sight.
• Waistcoat: There are six visible buttons.
• Plain white dress shirt: Pointed collar and barrel cuffs that extend to about half an inch beyond the sleeve of the jacket.
• Straight fit trousers: No visible pleats or creases, but it is impossible to discern most of the trousers – such as whether it is cuffed or not. They certainly have hip.
• Black silk tie with a brown print: Worn in the first hearing.
• Plain navy silk tie: Worn in the second hearing.
• Silver wedding band: Worn on his left ring finger.

Throughout both movies, Tom embodies the business suit. All his looks are classic and formal. It makes sense considering he eats, breathes, and sleeps law to protect his adopted family.

 

Godfather Style – Summary

1. First Communion Suit – Michael
2. First Communion Tux – Fredo
3. Havana Suit – Michael
4. White Suit – Don Fanucci
5. First Quality Suit – Vito
6. Revenge Suit – Vito
7. Trial Suit – Tom

Thought the Godfather Part II we see a huge variation in styles influenced by profession, climate, and time period. Aside from its rich story and flawless acting, the beauty of this film is that it allows stylish gents to take inspiration from countless sources.

 

This article was a guest post written by:

Rafael A. Socarrás

The post The Godfather Part II: The Style Behind The Mob appeared first on Real Men Real Style.

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Guest Poster, Khareem Sudlow

#DMTBeautySpot #beauty

It’s no secret that communication is a crucial skill that you need to master in order to succeed in your career and in your interpersonal relationships. In fact, according to Forbes Magazine, effective communication just might be the single most important skill you could possibly learn!

Even if you weren’t born with the gift for gab, with practice you can confidently approach and mesmerize just about anyone – including that beautiful woman standing in front of you.

Sure, striking up a conversation with a beautiful woman can be intimidating, but on the flip side missing an incredible opportunity to make a connection just because you were too shy to approach her is wayyyy worse!

If you’re nervous about reaching out, here are a couple of surefire tips to help you navigate that all-important first conversation!

 

Click Here To Watch The Video – 10 Ways To Start A Conversation With A Beautiful Woman NATURALLY!

1. Give A Compliment
2. Tell A Joke
3. Look For Common Ground
4. Notice The Details
5. Invoke Pop Culture
6. Ask About Her Favorite Show/Movies
7. Ask About Her Passions
8. Avoid Mansplaining
9. Don't Mention Past Relationships
10. Pay Attention To Her
11. Ask To Be Introduced
12. Never fear The Mundane

This is a guest post by Claudia Cox, founder of Text Weapon. Sign up for your FREE 30 day Texting Club trial. You’ll receive access to 300 messages, and tips on how to use texting to improve your relationships.

 

1. Give A Compliment

One of the easiest ways to strike up a conversation with a woman is to open with a compliment! A great compliment makes you seem kind, attentive, considerate and can lead to a great conversation.

Psychologist Paul DePompo has a handy tip for conversation-starting compliments: although you might be tempted to start a conversation by complimenting a woman’s physical appearance (“You have such beautiful eyes,” “I love your smile,” etc.), a more effective approach might be to compliment something more closely related to her personality.

If she’s a colleague who just gave a great presentation at your most recent meeting, compliment her on her confidence and public speaking skills. If she’s carrying a book that you’ve read before, compliment her on her taste in literature.

These personality-based compliments give you both a lot more room to continue the conversation, especially compared to appearance-based compliments.

Psychotherapist Tina Gilbertson takes DePompo’s advice one step further: “People are more likely to feel appreciated if you praise their personal qualities, rather than acquired talents.”

In other words, complimenting a woman’s skill at networking shows your appreciation for her business acumen, but telling a woman that you admire her intrinsic kindness, humor, or selflessness shows your appreciation for who she is as a person.

 

2. Tell A Joke

Another really easy way to break the ice is to tell a joke.

According to Dawn Maslar, author of Men Chase, Women Choose: The Neuroscience of Meeting, Dating, Losing Your Mind, and Finding True Love, laughter “releases oxytocin, the ‘bonding hormone.’” A goofy pick-up line or a cheesy joke can be a great way to create a comfortable, lighthearted atmosphere for the rest of the conversation.

Just be careful to steer clear of jokes that are overtly political, vulgar, or crass. Those kinds of jokes might go over well with your friends, but they’re not the greatest way to make a good first impression on a stranger or casual acquaintance.

This might seem like a redundant statement, but landing a joke at the beginning of a conversation lets your interlocutor know that you have a great sense of humor. Coincidentally, when women aged 21 to 54 were asked what characteristics they found most attractive in men, a good sense of humor was ranked highest out of all possible personality traits.

If you establish yourself as a funny guy at the onset of a conversation, you have a much higher chance of seeming attractive to your conversational partner!

 

3. Look For Common Ground

A really easy strategy for striking up a conversation is to use what you have in common as a springboard. One of the simplest ways to do this is to use the setting of the conversation to your advantage.

Behavioral investigator and Science of People founder Vanessa Van Edwards notes that this tip “can be modified to any kind of event.” For example, if you’re looking to chat up a beautiful woman at a party, you might ask her, “How do you know the host?” That way, you can establish that you both have at least one person in common, and the conversation can progress from there.

If you’re at a work event, Van Edwards recommends tweaking the question to “How long have you been a part of this organization?”.
No matter what situation you’re in, beginning with the settings or people you have in common can help create a solid foundation for the rest of the conversation.

 

4. Notice Details

University of Massachusetts Amherst professor Susan Krauss Whitbourne advises that a woman’s clothing can be a great jumping-off point for a conversation. If she’s wearing a shirt or hat with a sports logo, you might want to ask her if she’s a fan of that particular team.

The same applies for clothing with references to movies or TV. If she’s wearing unique accessories, like eccentric jewelry, shoes, or carrying a quirky purse, asking about those accessories can also be a great way to break the ice.

Plus, complimenting a cool or quirky outfit shows that you’re attentive about her appearance in a way that’s sophisticated and attentive, but not creepy or lecherous.

 

5. Invoke Pop Culture

If you’re struggling to think of something that you two might have in common, bringing up current pop culture events is a great option. Comment or joke about something she’s probably familiar with.

Recent blockbuster releases, popular music, and reality television shenanigans are all safe bets. Just remember to keep it lighthearted — avoid politics, and try not to bring up a pop culture event that you feel negatively about.

For example, if you hated the most recent season of Game of Thrones, you might not want to bring it up until you know your conversational partner a little better; starting off a conversation on a negative note casts a negative shadow over the rest of your interaction.

Plus, it’s super awkward if you declare that you hated a movie or show, and then find out that she actually loved it.

 

6. Ask About Her Favorite Movie or TV Show

This conversation starter is tangentially related to the pop culture tip, but it’s a little bit more specific. Almost everyone loves movies or has a favorite Netflix series.

When it comes to talking to women, start by disclosing your personal favorite and then ask her about hers. “Lately I have been addicted to Money Heist – do you have a favorite Netflix series?” A woman’s favorite movie or series can say a lot about her and can hint at whether or not you two have compatible interests.

You can learn a lot about someone from their favorite movies.

If you two end up going to the movies or binge-watching a series on a second or third date, you’ll already have an idea of what shows she might like!

 

7. Ask About Her Passions

If you’re shy, introverted, or have social anxiety, the idea of carrying a conversation all by yourself can seem very intimidating. An easy, subtle way to shift the focus of the conversation to your partner is to ask her what she’s passionate about.

That doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to ask her “What are your passions?” outright. Instead of focusing on what she does for a living, ask her what she likes to do in her free time.

Start off by sharing something you like to do, and then ask her to pipe in. For example: “Lately I’ve been trying to learn Spanish. A friend of mine showed me a really cool app called Duolingo, it’s so much fun…much better than 8th grade Spanish. What do you like to do in your free time?”

 

8. Avoid Mansplaining

When surveyed about the personality traits that they find most attractive in men, women responded that intelligence was the second-most important trait, beaten only by a good sense of humor. Sounding articulate, knowledgeable, and generally smart can make you seem very attractive in a first conversation.

However, there is a caveat — talking too much or acting too knowledgeable can actually be a turnoff. You may have heard of the term “mansplaining,” which essentially describes a situation where a man grossly underestimates a woman’s intelligence by explaining things that she clearly already knows.

Career and personal coach Marty Nemko, Ph.D., advises that in order to avoid coming across as a mansplainer, you should “mitigate the risk of seeming hubristic by keeping your comments brief and perhaps by softening the impact, for example, by ending with, ‘Just a thought. What do you think?”. This way, you give your conversational partner the opportunity to share her expertise and offer her opinions, instead of steamrolling her with your knowledge.

 

9. Avoid Talking About Past Relationships

If you’re on a first date, bringing up your past relationships is an instant conversation killer. In theory, this sounds like a no-brainer, but you’d be surprised at how easy it is to accidentally find yourself mentioning your exes on a first date.

A 2016 study by Marisa Cohen of St. Francis College found that women tend to consider the conversation topic of past exes as a “sign of disinterest.”

She isn't your psychiatrist. Don't unload your emotional baggage on her. 

In other words, when you bring up your most recent ex-girlfriend on a first date, no matter what your motive for doing so might be, your date is likely to decide that you’re more interested in harping on your ex than in dating her.

Even if your last relationship ended on a sour note, try to focus on the potential for a new, healthier, happier relationship than giving into the temptation to dig up old beef.

 

10. Pay Attention

In talking to women online, it can feel incredibly daunting to send the first message to a woman, even if you’ve matched with each other. Oftentimes, even after you shoot your shot, the woman in question leaves you hanging, never bothering to message you back.

In order to increase your chances of actually starting a conversation over an online dating platform, take the time to look at her photos and bio to see if you share a similar hobby, taste in music or favorite hang-out place.

Starting the conversation with something from her profile shows that you’re attentive and observant, and indicates that you’re not just messaging every single woman you match with after a mere cursory glance at their profiles.

 

11. Ask To Be Introduced

If you see an interesting woman at a mutual friend’s party, ask your mutual friend to tell you a few things about her, for example, a few of her hobbies and where she’s from, and then ask your friend to be introduced.

Use these tidbits of information you collected beforehand to start a natural conversation: “So I hear you like skiing, what’s your favorite resort?” or “You’re a Florida State grad? Did you ever actually get sick of all the sunshine?”

 

12. Don't Be Afraid Of The Mundane

Bringing up seemingly mundane, yet common ground topics such as the band or special drink menu is an easy way to get a natural conversation started.

Simply say something positive followed by a question such as “This is such a cool wine bar, have you been here before?”

Any recommendations?” or “I remember when this was just a parking lot, they really turned it around, I love the atmosphere.

Leverage your immediate surroundings to keep the conversation going.

Have you tried any of their appetizers? I’m having a tough time deciding, they all look so good!”

 

Summary – Talking To Women

1. Give A Compliment
2. Tell A Joke
3. Look For Common Ground
4. Notice The Details
5. Invoke Pop Culture
6. Ask About Her Favorite Show/Movies
7. Ask About Her Passions
8. Avoid Mansplaining
9. Don't Mention Past Relationships
10. Pay Attention To Her
11. Ask To Be Introduced
12. Never fear The Mundane

Interacting with the ladies can seem tough. You might be afraid of rejection or coming off the wrong way. Talking to women isn't rocket science though.

It comes down to confidence and practice. Remember, the worse she can do is say no.

 

This is a guest post by Claudia Cox, founder of Text Weapon. Sign up for your FREE 30 day Texting Club trial. You’ll receive access to 300 messages, and tips on how to use texting to improve your relationships.

The post Talking To Women: 12 Conversation Tips For Men appeared first on Real Men Real Style.

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via https://www.DMTBeautySpot.com

Guest Poster, Khareem Sudlow

#DMTBeautySpot #beauty

The power of a good compliment can’t be overstated.

In social settings, compliments work as a subtle form of cognitive training — when we compliment the qualities and actions we like in other people, we train ourselves to focus on the good in the world around us. This also encourages positive behavior in the people we’re complimenting.

In the world of dating, compliments can be a great way to flirt, demonstrate your interest, or, if you’re already in a committed relationship, show your appreciation for your partner. In fact, according to University of Zurich researcher Christoph Korn, receiving a compliment lights up the same two neurological reward centers that light up during an orgasm.

However, there is a caveat — a bad compliment can make you come across as annoying, insensitive, or even downright creepy. How do you craft the perfect compliment for a woman that shows your appreciation without crossing into creep territory? Here are a few tips and tricks!

 

This is a guest post by Claudia Cox, founder of Text Weapon. Sign up for your FREE 30 day Texting Club trial. You’ll receive access to 300 messages, and tips on how to use texting to improve your relationships.

Click Here To Watch The Video – 7 Ways to Compliment a Woman Without Being CREEPY!

1. Be Unique
2. Be Sincere
3. Don't Just Compliment Physical Appearance
4. Don't Be Too Literal
5. Beware of Backhanded Compliments
6. Context is Key
7. Catcalls are NOT Compliments

 

1. Be Unique

The best compliments feel tailor-made.

Etiquette expert Diane Gottsman warns that generic compliments that could apply to anyone, like “you’ve got a nice smile” or “your hair is pretty”, often come across as superficial.

If you want your compliment to be well received, be authentic and speak from the heart — tell her what it is that makes her special.

A good compliment demonstrates that you’ve made an effort to get to know her.

Try to think beyond common adjectives like “pretty”, “smart”, or “nice”, and dig deeper into these descriptors.

A Quora survey on the best way to give compliments revealed that some of the most meaningful ones pinpoint things that casual observers or mere acquaintances might not notice: hobbies, personal style, hard work, attitude, etc.

If you’re complimenting a friend, coworker, or casual acquaintance, a specific compliment can be a great way to nudge the two of you into a closer relationship!

 

2. Be Sincere

This might seem like a no-brainer, but don’t compliment her unless you really mean everything that you’re saying.

Insincere compliments can make you seem disingenuous, or worse – like you see the compliment as an obligation.

There’s nothing worse than being complimented by someone who seems like they have an ulterior motive. When you're halfhearted or dishonest, you run the risk of seeming as though you expect a woman’s affection in return for your flattery, which is an immediate and complete turn-off.

There’s a reason why sincere compliments are so effective (and disingenuous ones feel so slimy).

According to a 2008 study by researchers at Japan’s National Institute for Physiological Sciences, the ventral striatum, which is the part of your brain that controls decision-making in social situations, responds to compliments in exactly the same way that it responds to monetary rewards.

In other words, a genuine compliment might as well be worth its weight in gold!

 

3. Don’t Just Compliment Physical Appearance

This scenario is all too common: a man matches with a woman on a dating app and sends her a message complimenting her looks but receives no response. Baffled, he wonders what he could have said that made her so disinterested.

As it turns out, men highly overestimate how much women like to be complimented on their physical appearance while online dating. When surveyed on their favorite kinds of comments on dating sites, women responded that they preferred those about their personality, sense of humor, and intelligence over those about their body and appearance.

Next time, instead of telling a woman that she’s pretty, take a closer look at her profile. Is her bio witty and well-crafted? Does she seem like she has interesting hobbies? Complimenting these personality-based attributes is a much surer shot to getting that coveted message back.

According to psychologist Michele Barton, Ph.D., exclusively giving compliments about a woman’s physical appearance can “sound generic and insincere”. When you’re complimenting a woman, don’t forget to consider the aspects of her personality that you appreciate.

Is she funny? Kind? Thoughtful? Articulate? Nonphysical compliments tell a woman that you like her for who she is, not just what she looks like.

There is also scientific evidence that further emphasizes the importance of non-physical compliments. Psychologists at Southern Methodist University and Florida State University surveyed heterosexual couples for relationship satisfaction associated with positive body valuation (compliments about appearance) and positive valuation of non-physical qualities (compliments about personality).

Surprisingly, they found that women actually formed negative associations with male partners who valued their bodies but did not demonstrate a positive valuation of their non-physical qualities.

In other words, complimenting a woman’s appearance without also complimenting her personality can actually lead her to dislike you.

Finally, cookie-cutter physical compliments like “you are beautiful” can actually have a negative impact on a woman’s self-esteem. It’s no secret that many women struggle with their body image — constantly bombarded with Photoshopped Instagram models, Victoria’s Secret Angels, and movie stars can do serious damage to a woman’s self-worth.

Although telling a woman that she’s beautiful might seem like a great way to bolster her self-esteem, in practice, it’s actually not that helpful. A 2009 study from the Association for Psychological Science indicates that affirmations such as “you are attractive” or “you are beautiful” can hurt people with low self- esteem.

These kinds of general affirmations can cause some women to mentally spiral, drawing their attention to all of the things they don’t like about their appearance, instead of having the intended effect.

Unless you know a woman really well, you likely don’t know the state of her body image and self-worth. In that case, it’s safer to steer clear of basic physical compliments.

 

4. Don’t Be Too Literal

According to a 2017 study by researchers at the University of Electronic Science and Technology of China, women are more likely to respond positively to metaphorical compliments than to literal ones.

For example, Poetic, eloquent comments like “Your eyes are a gorgeous rainbow” sound much more sincere and thoughtful than a basic, literal compliment like “You have sexy eyes.”

Getting creative with your praise can actually make you seem more attractive!

Researchers at the University of Nottingham reported that vocabulary use is actually one of the ways that humans select potential mates. Generally speaking, the size of your vocabulary correlates strongly with your intelligence level — the smarter you are, the more words you know in your native language.

Putting all those vocabulary words into practice in your compliments can subtly demonstrate that you’re intelligent, educated, and eloquent!

 

5. Beware of Backhanded Compliments

Even if your intentions are good, subtle nuances in the way that you phrase a compliment can mean the difference between coming across as a kind, genuine guy and coming across as a condescending jerk.

In a 2019 Quora survey, women were asked about the most misguided compliments they’ve ever received.

The responses were shocking. One woman was told she was pretty for a black girl, another was told: “You’re pretty, so you don’t need to know math.” These kinds of “compliments” are not compliments at all and come across as incredibly insulting.

Here’s an easy tip to help you avoid accidentally doling out a backhanded compliment: never add a qualifier to your compliment.

If you think a woman is beautiful, just say that she’s beautiful — no need to say that she’s pretty for her race or her size, or that she’s too good-looking for her chosen career path or field of study.

 

6. Context is Key

If you’re thinking about striking up a conversation with a beautiful stranger in a public place, be very careful about how and when you approach her.

Or if a woman is walking or sitting alone, or is wearing headphones, your approach might seem invasive or startling. If it’s nighttime, your approach might even inadvertently seem threatening.

Handmaid’s Tale author Margaret Atwood said it best: “Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them”. This quote might seem melodramatic, but it is founded on truth.

Approach a lady in an appropriate setting, or when she's already expressed interest in talking to you.

To many women, being approached by a strange man in public, even if he’s saying something nice, can be a frightening experience. From a very early age, many women are trained to learn tricks to stay safe while walking alone, especially at night.

Being approached by a stranger while alone is a huge red flag for many women, and the last thing you want to do when trying to compliment someone is accidentally scare them.

The likelihood of your compliment being received well increases exponentially if you’re already friends or acquaintances with the woman in question. Otherwise, you run the risk of seeming creepy, even if that’s not your intention at all.

 

7. Catcalls are NOT Compliments

Over the past couple of years, many women’s rights groups have started viral campaigns that demonstrate just how demeaning and uncomfortable catcalling is.

Noa Jansma, a student from the Netherlands who runs the viral Instagram account @dearcatcallers, takes selfies with every man who shouts at her on the street, declares that being catcalled is “not a compliment”, and she’s absolutely right.

Catcalling can make women feel objectified and unsafe.

Although there is currently limited scientific research on catcalling and street harassment, a 1989 study published in the Journal of Psychology and Human Sexuality notes that men tend to respond positively to sexualized compliments or solicitations of casual sex from women.

However, women react extremely negatively to the same kinds of comments and solicitations from men. Even if you think you wouldn’t mind being catcalled, odds are that women would beg to differ.

Whistling, shouting, honking, or commenting on the physical appearances of women on the street are all completely inappropriate behavior.

You might think you’re being kind, but to the woman you’re shouting at, your words feel like harassment.

 

Summary – 7 Ways To Compliment A Woman Without Being Creepy

1. Be Unique
2. Be Sincere
3. Don't Just Compliment Physical Appearance
4. Don't Be Too Literal
5. Beware of Backhanded Compliments
6. Context is Key
7. Catcalls are NOT Compliments

Sometimes, complimenting women can feel like an absolute minefield.

Dodging sensitive subjects, avoiding creepiness, and sounding sincere all at the same time can be tricky.

If you feel like your attempts at complimenting women always fall flat, these tips can help you bounce back and start showcasing thoughtful admiration that catches women’s attention.

Above all else, remember to speak from the heart. It sounds cheesy, but the best compliments are the ones that are meant sincerely. Learning to express them is the easiest way to turn an acquaintanceship to a friendship, and maybe even to something more!

 

This is a guest post by Claudia Cox, founder of Text Weapon. Sign up for your FREE 30 day Texting Club trial. You’ll receive access to 300 messages, and tips on how to use texting to improve your relationships.

The post 7 Ways to Compliment A Woman Without Being Creepy appeared first on Real Men Real Style.

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Guest Poster, Khareem Sudlow

#DMTBeautySpot #beauty

Socializing for introverts can be challenging.

Since they recharge by spending time alone, having conversations with too many people can feel exhausting.

Does that sound like you?

If so, I totally understand.

As a social skills coach, this is an issue that I hear from my clients over and over again in my coaching program.

 

Click Here To Watch The Video – 13 Easy Ways To Make Small Talk (Guide For Introverts)
 

Unfortunately, you can't really avoid interacting with others because it's just part of your day-to-day interactions.

In this post, I want to share with you my best tips on how to make small talk interesting even if you're introverted.

Let's get started.

1. Recall Previous Successes
2. Have An Open Body Language
3. Follow Your Curiosity
4. Ask Good Questions
5. Explore Mutual Interests

This is a guest post by Myke Macapinlac, of www.socialconfidencemastery.com. Myke was a shy immigrant who used to work as a structural designer and became a podcast host, a social skills coach, and a lifestyle entrepreneur.

He now teaches shy guys who are technically skilled to improve their social confidence so they can create meaningful connections in their personal, romantic, and professional lives. His work has been featured in the Calgary Herald, on Breakfast Television, on Shaw TV, and in the Huffington Post.

To get to know him personally, visit his website at www.socialconfidencemastery.com 

 

Tip #1 – Recall Previous Successes

I noticed that a lot of people who struggle socially ruminate about past failures over and over again.

If you want to learn how to stop ruminating, check out this post.

But for now, a quick tip that will help you be in a good headspace before you socialize with others is to recall a time when you had a positive interaction with someone.

Close your eyes, play that memory like a movie in your head and imagine what that felt like. And in just a few minutes, you'll start to feel pretty good about yourself.

The reason why this works is because your mind doesn't know the difference between perception and reality.

Your thoughts determine your emotions so be mindful of what you focus on.

Also, I recommend you check out Headspace to help you get started on your meditation practice today.

 

Tip #2 – Have An Open Body Language

Let me ask you a question.

Would you want to talk to someone with their arms crossed and has a frown on their face? I didn't think so.

According to research, over 90% of how you communicate to others is non-verbal. It's not just what you say but how you say it matters to.

If you want to portray yourself as an engaging conversationalist, make sure you also work on your body language. What you'll want to do is to maintain proper eye contact, smile, keep your feet shoulder width apart, stand up straight and avoid touching your face.

When you do these things, you'll come across open and friendly which makes whoever you talk to feel comfortable and at ease.

 

Tip #3 – Follow Your Curiosity

Introverts are naturally good observers so if this sounds like you, make sure you take advantage of that trait.

What I want you to do is to pay close attention to the person you're talking to and ask yourself what's interesting about them.

People love talking about themselves and everyone has a story to tell. By following your curiosity and being genuinely interested in whoever you're interacting with, you're going to make them feel interesting.

As a result, they're mostly like going to reciprocate and be interested in you as well.

Tip #4 – Ask Good Questions

The quality of your questions will determine the quality of your conversations.

Whatever you do, avoid asking close-ended questions which can be answered by either a “yes” or “no” if you want to have more engaging interactions.

What I would recommend is for you to ask more open-ended questions. That's going to encourage whoever you're speaking with to share more information about them.

To give you an example, instead of asking “do you like your job?” you can ask “what is it about your job that you like?” The first question requires a one-word answer but the second question requires more of an explanation.

The more information you have from the other person, the easier it'll be for you to keep the conversation going.

 

Tip #5 – Explore Mutual Interests

We like people who are similar to us. In order to build rapport with others very quickly, look for things that you have in common right away.

If you think about it, most conversation topics fall under:

• Work and career
• Hobbies and interests
• Passions and ambitions
• Travel and events
• Family upbringing

If you've been paying attention to the person you're talking to and have been asking good questions, chances are, it'll be easy for you to explore mutual interests.

The more you do this, the faster you'll turn a stranger to an acquaintance and eventually, to a friend.

 

Summary: How To Make Interesting Smalltalk (Even If You're An Introvert)

1. Recall Previous Successes
2. Have An Open Body Language
3. Follow Your Curiosity
4. Ask Good Questions
5. Explore Mutual Interests

There you have it. I just shared with you my best tips on how to make small talk interesting even if you're introverted.

And now, let's turn it to you.

Which one of these tips are you going to implement first?

Let me know over at www.socialconfidencemastery.com!

If you’re technically skilled, like an engineer, programmer or a developer and you’re tired of struggling socially, go to www.socialconfidencemastery.com and download your free cheat sheet to help you approach and talk to anybody.

 

The post How To Make Interesting Small Talk (Even If You’re An Introvert) appeared first on Real Men Real Style.

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Guest Poster, Khareem Sudlow