#DMTBeautySpot #beauty

Signs She's Cheating

If you begin to suspect that you're being cheated on, you probably know to pay attention. This is your gut talking to you – and it’s an important one to pay attention to, especially if you’re starting to doubt the trust you’ve built with your long-term girlfriend within your committed relationship. If you start to suspect or worry that your partner is cheating – whether at work, online or with a guy friend you never trusted – it’s important to pay attention to your intuition, while also being realistic, too.

RELATED: Everything You Need to Know About Cheating in a Relationship

Real infidelity that you can prove can have a hugely detrimental impact to your couplehood, and can often make it difficult to come back from – but so can accusing someone of being unfaithful with no proof. Why’s that? The foundation of every loving relationship is based on a genuine respect, admiration and steadfast trust in your partner, and anything that aims to threaten that connection is not only tricky, but can cause many hurt feelings, too.

Luckily for you, we spoke with therapists, relationship experts and dating coaches to identify the big indicators that your girlfriend is cheating, how to identify different types of unfaithfulness and how to deal with paranoia, if your significant other actually hasn’t done anything wrong.

Remember, any time your heart is tied to something, these uncomfortable and could-be painful situations can be incredibly difficult to sort through, so be patient with yourself (and your partner), listen to your instincts and get to know the facts before doing anything you might regret.

Here’s what you need to know about her cheating possibilities:

Contents

1. What’s the Difference Between Physical and Emotional Cheating? 2. Signs That She's Cheating 3. How to Deal With the Paranoia

1. What’s the Difference Between Physical and Emotional Cheating?

If you’ve been tempted to cheat before (and hey, we’ve all been attracted to someone who wasn’t our mate, even if we didn’t act on it), it was probably because you wanted to sleep with them, right?

That might not be the case for your girlfriend: while men are more likely to get physical with another woman, women are more likely to be swayed to the darker side by an emotional connection. And though it might not feel as earth-shattering, falling in love instead of falling into bed is often a deeper, long-lasting type of infidelity.

“The main difference between emotional and physical cheating is the modality or how the person cheats. Emotional cheating does not always include physical touch and physical cheating does not always include emotions. For instance, physical cheating means some form of physical touch occurs whether it is intercourse, oral sex, kissing, touching, etc.,” explains sex and relationship therapist, Courtney Geter, LMFT.

“Emotional cheating may be deep, intimate conversation either in person or through messaging. Emotional cheating is subjective to the person or couple. For instance, what one person may consider crossing the line may not bother another person. It's important for couples to discuss what is allowed to leave the relationship and to whom early on. Keep in mind that both forms of cheating and merge where there is both emotional and physical cheating together.”

So what might constitute as emotional cheating? Licensed clinical psychologist, Sarah Schewitz, Psy.D. gives some examples that may cross boundaries:

Texting each other phrases like “thinking of you” or “wish you were here” Texting all day everyday … except when around your partner Getting butterflies when thinking of this friend Fantasizing about what it would be like to date this friend Comparing this friend to your significant other Fantasizing about this friend sexually Hiding conversations with this friend from your significant other Sharing intimate details about the problems in your relationship with this friend

2. Signs That She's Cheating

Ready for the signs that she might actually be cheating? Here, the experts lay it out.

She Keeps to Herself

She could be busy with juggling work schedules, making it to yoga class and seeing her girlfriends — but if she’s not telling you about her day, there’s a chance she’s telling someone else. While distance can, at times, make the heart grow fonder, if she no longer thinks to call you when something good, bad, funny, ridiculous or awful happens – it might be scary for you to think who she could be talking to. A way to bring it up to her is to let her know how much you miss her, dammit.

“She might be overly stressed about something unrelated to your relationship, she might be upset about something you did, or she might feel like you are pulling away and she doesn’t know how to talk to you about it,” Schewitz says. “The best thing to do is ask her what’s going on. Say something like ‘Hey babe, I’ve noticed you seem a little distant lately. I miss feeling close to you. Is there something you want to talk about or something I could do to bring us closer together again?’”

She's Not as Open

Let’s be real: women are typically more open about their feelings than men are. It’s when you’re able to open up to a special girl that you feel connected to her, and when she opens up in return, your relationship really starts to grow. However, if she’s quiet and hardly ever upset, she might be emotionally cheating with someone else. Why? When she’s not as candid with you, she might be emotionally fulfilled by someone else.

“This is a sign she is shutting down. While it could indicate she’s cheating, infidelity rarely happens in a vacuum. If she’s shutting down, it’s because she is hurt or has lost trust in you as someone that will care about what she has to say,” Schewitz says.

“She might be tired of having the same conversation over and over again with no change. She might be giving up on getting through to you but that doesn’t mean she’s being unfaithful. If she is not being as open as before, ask her why. Tell her you want to be there for her and support her through whatever she is going through.”

She's Hiding Her Phone

When she’s doing something she knows she shouldn’t, it’s likely she’ll feel guilty about it. You might notice that instead of spending time scrolling through Instagram on the couch with you, she put her phone in the other room. She probably doesn’t want to risk you looking over and catching her in the act. “Women may hide text messages, email exchanges, and phone calls with a ‘good friend,’” dating expert Laurel House says. “He could start off as just a friend, but it could also be progressing into more.”

This could also mean a shift in her behavior and be a combination of the signs above. It could also be in response to something you did that made her question you, or that she’s pulling away, even if she’s not leaning closer to someone else.

“These signs also indicate a possible change in her feelings in the relationship. For instance, if there are prior or recent violations of privacy, it's common for one to become more distant and protective of personal belongings. The trust and security of respect has been altered though it can be repaired,” Geter says.

Or she could be protective of her phone for a whole slew of reasons, that have nothing to do with another man at all. As Schewitz explains, “She could be talking to her girlfriend about problems in your relationship and not want you to see it. Or she could be planning a surprise for the two of you that she doesn’t want you to know about.”

RELATED: What It Looks Like When a Woman Starts Having an Online Affair

Though you might be tempted to snoop (and yep, we’ve all done that before and regretted it afterwards, right?) – consider just asking her what she has up her sleeve.

She's Light on Details

She’s always had that monthly wine and supper club with her girls, and a few times a month when they hit the town, but now there’s a book club? And they’re taking boxing classes, too? She could be needing more friendship time in her life, or she’s seeing someone on the side. The key here, according to House, is to pay attention to what she says when she sees you after those nights.

“Instead of coming home and filling you in on all the details and gossip she learned while out with the girls, she is cagey and not forthcoming about what they did or talked about,” she says. 

Dr. Nikki Martinez, Psy.D., LCPC. agrees, noting that for many relationships, less communication is a red flag, especially if she was forthcoming before. “If this is a change, this is a red flag as well. Did she stop giving details because she feels like you don't want or care about them, or did she stop giving them even though you ask and show interest? If it is the latter, you should wonder why she is being so brief when this was not always the case,” she explains.

One way to rectify this and see what’s happening is to explain how much you enjoyed talking to her about what’s going on in her life, what was inspiring her and how her friends were. This is a better solution than accusing her of leaving you out of the loop or lying about where she is. Plus, it gives her the opportunity to dish on what might actually be bothering her.

She’s Never in the Mood

Even if you’ve always been the initiator of sex in your relationship, if you can’t remember the last time you had sex – and she doesn’t seem too concerned to change it – than you might have validation to be suspect. But then again, it could be less about getting naked and more about how you’re connecting outside of your coital love life.

“For women, sex is emotional. If they are unhappy in their relationship or even just annoyed with their partner for the night, the last thing on their mind is sex. Some women feel insecure about their aging and changing bodies which leads to them feeling less sexy and less in the mood,” Schewitz says.

The best solution? Talk about it, even if it makes you uncomfortable. “Most men will approach this topic in an accusatory way. Don’t be that guy. Tell her you miss the sex you used to have and ask her if she knows why she hasn’t been in the mood lately,” Schewitz says.

One way to see if she’s getting intimately fulfilled elsewhere is to propose a trip to get that fire back, and see how she responds, says sex expert and commentator, Coleen Singer says. “This is one of the few clues that you can safely discuss with her. Offer to take her on a weekend getaway to a local hotel for some room service and sexy time.  She may well take you up on that, and if she doesn’t, you may well have a partner who is cheating on you,” she says.

She's Had a Drastic Makeover

Did she recently drop 15 pounds and become obsessed with making it to a morning workout (instead of cuddling with you)? Or did she buy all new clothes, dye her hair or adopt a new viewpoint on makeup? While these might be big warning signs that the girl you decided to date years ago isn’t the same one, a change in appearance could truly, and simply mean less about your relationship and more about her self-confidence.

Especially after a stressful period, overcoming a tough challenge or having children, “Sometimes a girl just needs a change to feel good about herself again. This may be more a sign of boredom with her current look, wanting to feel more confident,” Schewitz says.

Or she could actually be focusing more on how she looks to reconnect with you again: “It's common for couples to neglect self care and stop dressing up for each other though it can impact the relationship. Maybe she realized this and is making a change — though not communicating it to you,” Geter says.

However, if paired with many of the other signs above, Geter says it is possible that’s she changing how she looks to satisfy the taste and preferences of a new partner. Or maybe, that person compliments her and makes her feel sexy by commenting on certain clothes or looks, so she’s trying to replicate that feeling as often as possible. If you suspect anything, make an effort to compliment her and ask her what inspired her to make a change.

She Thinks You're Insecure

If you’re typically supportive and loving girlfriend suddenly has a million complaints about you and dishes out some not-so-nice disses in your direction — like calling you insecure — you might wonder is it’s because she’s fallen out of love with someone and in love with someone else. But before you go there and talk to her about it, Geter suggests taking a glance inwards instead.

“Maybe you don't realize it though your nonverbal or verbal behaviors are telling others how you're feeling. There is nothing wrong with feeling insecure, though we need to find out the source to prevent conflict in all relationships,” she explains.

RELATED: Five Fights Every Couple Has, and How to Avoid Them

Her name-calling word choice could also be an indicator of how she’s feeling about herself. As Geter explains, “If you're 100 percent sure you're not feeling insecure, there is a change she may feel insecure and project that onto you. Feeling insecure does not mean she is cheating or insecure about the relationship. Insecurity stems from various areas of life including aging, weight, work and more.”

It could also be a way she’s expressing her own frustrations with your relationship, and yes, possibly that she’s recently become attracted to someone who she finds to be self-confident and assertive. “This indicates a lack of empathy on her part which could happen for a few reasons. She might be getting defensive depending on how you bring the topic up or she might just lack the ability to communicate calmly and effectively. If this is the case, a few sessions with a couples therapist can help that out,” Schewitz suggests.

She’s Spending a Lot of Time at Work

Most people these days either meet online, at school, through friends or at the office. If you’ve noticed she’s logging more hours than she normally does, you might start to wonder if she’s doing more than putting in overtime.

“Work and home are the two places that we spend the bulk of our time, so it is the most common way that we meet people. When we are working closely with others, we can really get to know them, we might struggle and bond through some difficult times and environments,” Martinez explains. “The frequency with which we see them, and the easy proximity make it very easy to develop feelings for someone you work with.”

If you’re concerned with how much more she is working compared to how she used to — or she’s mentioning the same male co-worker’s name time and time again, approach the topic carefully. Being vulnerable and explaining how it’s been making you uncomfortable is a positive tactic to utilize, because it doesn’t blame her, but instead, expresses how you’re feeling.

Long-Distance Feels Even Longer Than Usual

If physical miles separate you, there are merely a few resources you have available to keep that connection. If you start to feel her drift further away than she already is by her zip code, you might wonder if a local has gained her attention instead. And though we hate to break it to you, long distance relationships are often more prone to cheating than ones in the same city.

“Although not all long-distance relationships result in cheating, there could be a higher risk since one important component of creating intimacy is closeness. By closeness, I mean both physical proximity and emotional closeness or becoming vulnerable with your partner. When you are not physically near your partner, you both miss out on shared time together and you're both enjoying time with others. Sharing this time with others could lead to unintentional romantic feelings for a friend or coworker,” Geter says.

One way to help make your multi-town love affair stronger is to commitment to dependable communication and frequent visits. “When working with couples in long distance relationships, I encourage them to plan phone or video dates on a regular basis. This does not replace in-person dates though it does help create time for the relationship distraction free as if you were on a face-to-face date,” Geter says.

“I also encourage regular times to travel to see each other and treat each trip as real life instead of a vacation. When couples treat weekend trips as vacation, they don't experience the other person in his/her daily routine. Therefore, when they begin to live in the same city, there is no sense of how the other lives and it's similar to culture shock.”

RELATED: Is an Open Relationship Right for You? Here's What You Need to Know

If all else fails and you still feel like she’s not as invested as she once was — try to wait until you’re in person to have an open chat. Not only does it get rid of the temptation to read between those often confusing blue iPhone lines, but it gives you a chance to understand the ways in which your relationship might not be fulfilling her — and what you can do about it.

“We all have physical and emotional needs, and when we are in a long distance relationship, these needs may not be able to be met in the frequency and manner that we need. When the basic emotional and connective needs are not being met, people can be more vulnerable to the attention and affection of others,” Martinez says.

She Downloaded a Dating App

There might not be a clearer sign that she’s trying to bark up another tree than if you spot her with a dating app. After all, if you’re in a relationship already, why do you need an iPhone to connect to singles? If you’re not totally sure that you saw her browsing, keep a close look on her thumb movement for extra inspection.

“If you notice your partner swiping left and swiping right on her phone screen, it could be a sign she is looking at a dating app. There aren’t many apps that require that type of movement. If she suddenly closes out what she was doing when you walk by or hides her phone from your sight, you might have something to worry about,” Schewitz says.

The way to work this out is again, to talk to her. Though she might not be upfront at first, by expressing how much it’s hurt you, she might be more willing to express her dissatisfaction in the relationship, and either leave your couplehood or delete the app for good.

3. How to Deal With the Paranoia

Maybe it was a Facebook message you happened to see from an old flame that set your mind into overdrive. Or she’s been pulling away from advances that usually get her in the mood to be intimate with you. Maybe she’s spending more time at the office or you simply don’t feel as connected as you were when you first start dating.

Relationships go through many ebbs and flows, but it’s important to manage your paranoia before it threatens to end a relationship that might be just going through a rough patch, not speeding to the end. One way to approach your worries is to remember that it’s out of your hands and release your hold on the situation by talking to your partner. 

“Paranoia is a difficult emotion to deal with. One thing that can help is to remind yourself ‘this is out of my control. If she wants to cheat, she is going to cheat and there is nothing I can do to stop it,’” Schewitz says. “Be open and honest with your partner about your fears and let her know how you feel. Come from a more vulnerable place of telling her your fears versus attacking and accusing.”

If after having a heart-to-heart and your girlfriend squashing your suspicions with cold-hard facts and being honest about what’s going on in your relationship, or she confessed to cheating, but you’ve decided to stay together – you have to commit to your course of action, as a couple.

“If the paranoia is not based in reality and experience, they need to find a way to let it go, as it will break down and destroy a relationship. If it is based in reality, and there was a history of indiscretion, but you have decided you want to stay and work things out, you need to mean it. If you make that choice, you can not keep punishing the person, looking through their phone and emails,” Martinez says.

“This constant reminder and lack of trust will only break down the relationship further. If you want a clean slate, have it and mean it. However, set a firm line that did it ever happens again, that you will leave them.”

You Might Also Dig:

Can Cheating Be Healthy for a Relationship If She Cheats, Must You Let Her Go? Do Women Feel Guilty When They Cheat?

DMTBeautySpot

via https://www.DMTBeautySpot.com

Lindsay Tigar, Khareem Sudlow

#DMTBeautySpot #beauty

Top Inspirational TED Talks

Though a killer Spotify playlist with your favorite tunes can certainly perk up your mood, lots of folks get bored with the same-ole-same-ole jams after a while. Music can shake up your spirit but an invigorating, compelling and inspiring discussion can completely transform your attitude. That’s why so many people tune-in to the infamous Ted Talks series, where leaders, authors, entrepreneurs and even celebrities dive deep into a concept, trend or cultural phenomenon.

RELATED: The Best Podcasts to Increase Productivity

By offering intellectual perspectives and inspiring monologues, tuning-in to these videos is a smart way to think differently about your life, career, relationships and goals for the future. No matter how you’re feeling, what you’re lacking or what speaks to your curiosity, these inspirational TED Talks are sure to give you the boost you need to seize the day and take the world by storm.

Best for Those Feeling Overlooked

Episode Name: How to Speak So That People Want to Listen

Speaker: Julian Treasure

Maybe all of your buddies have recently started their families — and are short on time. Your partner got a promotion that brings him or her on constant business trips. Perhaps your manager didn’t give you the raise — or acknowledgement — you deserved. Whatever the reason you’re feeling neglected or overlooked, fire up this TED Talk that teaches you how to speak in a way where people will actually hear you. As a sound expert Julia Treasure goes through a series of vocal exercises that translate into empathy and happiness. Not only will you be heard — but more importantly, people will listen.

Best for Those Who Are Feeling Overwhelmed

Episode Name: The Power of Vulnerability

Speaker: Brené Brown

No matter which way you slice or dice it, putting yourself out there isn’t just terrifying — it can be all encompassing. And perhaps scariest of all: no part of your life is saved from the challenge of being vulnerable. When you’re first falling for a new partner after recovering from a difficult breakup, your heart opens slowly. Or, when you believe wholeheartedly in your start-up idea, quitting the grace of a full-time job is a huge move. Best-selling and renowned author Brené Brown has written countless books on how to get comfortable in the uncomfortable, and is treasured as a researcher of human connection. In her TED Talk, she will push you to the very edge and challenge you to open up the soft, fragile parts of yourself that you’ve long forgotten… but are pretty awesome.

Best for Men In Search of Their Identity

Episode Name: Why I’m Done Being “Man Enough”

Speaker: Justin Baldoni

You likely know Justin Baldoni from “Jane the Virgin” and as a mega Instagram star, but you won’t be able to stop nodding along as he goes through the trials of men in his infamous TED Talk. He’s an activist against sexism within parenting and urges men to step up and take on duties that were once considered reserved for mothers only. He also isn’t afraid to cry, have a softer side or well, be himself. This TED Talk will encourage you to get real with yourself — and as he puts it: be strong enough to be sensitive. Not only will it help you to accept your own realities but it will make you a better partner, friend, son and human.

Best for Introverts (or Those Trying to Understand Introverts)

Episode Name: The Power of Introverts

Speaker: Susan Cain

It takes all sorts of types to run the world but most of the time, we are split into two categories: extroverted and introverted. If you’re in the latter camp, you’re used to receiving questions from your outgoing, people-loving counterparts about why you need alone time, your level of shy and other (invasive) inquiries. On the other side of the fence, extroverts are often attracted to their opposites, and find solace in the balance of the dynamic. No matter if you’re an introvert or you’re trying to love one, this talk from Susan Cain is a must-watch. She celebrates the unique gifts introverts have and highlights famous ones such as Eleanor Roosevelt, Charles Darwin and beyond. The purpose is to remind employers of the value of this side of the population — but really, it’s inspiring for any aspect of life.

Best for Those Who Are Feeling Lost

Episode Name: There’s More to Life Than Being Happy

Speaker: Emily Esfahani Smith

Some years are full of highs where you, well, can’t stop winning. One career milestone after another, meeting your fitness goals and perhaps, even meeting the love of your life. Others are ripe with disappointment, like job loss and health issues, not to mention dating disasters. The ebbs and flows are expected, sure — but getting through them? Not so easy. In this TED Talk, Smith challenges people to look through a different lens by realizing continuously chasing after what we think will make us happy is actually stopping our progress. Instead, we should find a purpose in life that serves other people, and thus, will result in our own fulfillment.

Best for Men In the Workplace

Episode Name: Why We Have Too Few Women Leaders

Speaker: Sheryl Sandberg

Nope, that wasn’t a typo — it’s men who need to watch this TED Talk more than women. Famous not only as the chief operating officer of Facebook but as the best-selling author of “Lean In,” Sheryl Sandberg sought to understand why so few females lead the workforce. By answering three important questions in her talk — ‘How are we going to fix this?’, ‘How do we change these numbers at the top?’ and ‘How do we make things different?’ — she puts the onus on both sexes to step up. If you’ve never truly looked at the balance of power, this eye-opening TED Talk will get you thinking.

Best for People Pleasers

Episode Name: The Magic of Not Giving a F**k

Speaker: Sarah Knight

Are you a ‘yes sir’ type of person? Always the one your friends call on in a crisis? Can’t turn down an invitation, to well, anything? Being a people pleaser isn’t a healthy habit to nurture, since it leaves little (read: no) time to enrich your sense of self. In this TED Talk from best-selling author Sarah Knight, you learn a seemingly basic skill: saying ‘no’ to things you don’t want to do. She finally understood this hard lesson herself after she quit her job at a publishing house once she realized everyone fears what people think, but rarely make time to craft their own confidence.

You Might Also Dig:

Better Man Podcasts AskMen's Favorite Podcasts Best Self-Help Books for Men

DMTBeautySpot

via https://www.DMTBeautySpot.com

Lindsay Tigar, Khareem Sudlow

#DMTBeautySpot #beauty

Male Executives On the Most Pivotal Point of Their Career

Considering you spend more time working than you ever will with your partner or family, finding happiness in your career is paramount. Unlike previous generations, who remained loyal to one company — and one company only — for decades, many modern professionals are tangoing between gigs, searching for more than just a paycheck, but a sense of fulfillment. 

RELATED: Feeling Burnt Out? These Expert Tips Can Help

This shift in career patterns means that change has become an inevitable part of the working experience, and often, big choices, leaps of faith and difficult circumstances challenge professionals to pivot. Whether this means starting a new venture, shifting a mindset or something else entirely, this transitional time isn’t always easy but it can come with immeasurable lessons and success. 

Here we caught up with five executives to get their take on the most pivotal point in their careers, how it shaped their future success and what they would recommend to others approaching a career crossroad. 

"I retired, and started my own company”

After a decade of working as a federal trial lawyer, Howard A. Tullman had a successful and lucrative career. But, with an itch to start his own venture, he made the decision to leave his cushy, secure profession in favor of something new. This decision would serve as the right one, and would become a move that would shift the rest of his tenure. 

In 1980, he started CCC Information Services, one of the earliest computer database businesses in the country, still operating today, and valued at around $3 billion. Since then, he’s gone on to develop other database companies across a variety of industries — from insurance and real estate to music and employment. He is currently the executive director of the Ed Kaplan Family Institute for Innovation and Tech Entrepreneurship at Illinois Tech, where he shares his journey with budding founders. 

Lesson: Fundamentals Are Key

The greatest lesson in transitioning from a lawyer to an entrepreneur, according to Tullman, was realizing how diverse his fundamentals could become. “The key lesson here is that the people skills: storytelling, team-building, problem-solving, conflict management, and the personal attributes: passion, a commitment to hard work, perseverance, and principles, are the main drives of career success,” he says. 

Tullman adds that building up those people skills and personal attributes will have a greater pay off in the long run than technical skills. “Technical skills — at best — become obsolete over time and need to be replenished and refreshed throughout a lifetime.” 

RELATED: How to Improve Your Workplace Confidence

“I learned how to trust others instead of taking on all of the work myself” 

If you looked back on David Nicholson’s schedule a few years ago, it would have been jam-packed. He made a habit of working super-long hours, convinced it was better for him to finish a project or task rather than outsource it to someone else. 

But as he started co-founding his company, LivingDNA, he realized he couldn’t do everything himself, and he needed to learn an important lesson in trust. As he built up a team and watched them support not only his work, but the company's goals, he started to relax and pull back the reins. Though it may seem simple, he says it’s been a life-changing switch. 

Lesson: Don’t Be Afraid to Delegate

“As men, we like to fix things, we often see our value in what we do, how great we are at how many things we've fixed. Perhaps there is another way to feel successful?” he shares. 

By knowing when to delegate and ask for help, Nicholson experienced a big change in how he approaches his life both personally and professionally, seeing his value in how he approaches things rather than just what he does: “What if we don't value ourselves based on being the provider? What if we don't view our worth to our family, friends or society in terms of how great we are at our skills? It sounds far fetched but what if we saw that, first and foremost, the value that we bring to any company, staff member, partner or family is the depth of care we give?” 

“I stopped hustling 40 contracts and focused on one: my own”

Hustle, hustle, hustle was the name of the game for Bret Grafton. For most of his career, anyway. As he put it: he used to have 40 or so outside clients a year, all bringing a variety of projects and opportunities. Not all of them were rosy though, and as Grafton explained, he grew exhausted of taking meetings with people who seemed miserable at their jobs, and kept having moments where he thought ‘Why am I trying so hard to work with unhappy people in companies that aren’t mine?’ So, he pivoted and made a big ‘ole change: starting his own business. 

Today, he’s the co-founder and art director of SOUNDOFF Design, and to put it lightly, it’s changed everything.

Lesson: Don’t Measure Success by Status

“If your measure of success stops being about the names of the companies you're working with or some bullshit status barometer; you can get to the place where your measure of success is just about being happy and fulfilled with your work, and this pays off,” he shares. 

Grafton recommends making the hustle about you. “I firmly believe that the moment you let go of the idea of what your job is supposed to be, and completely embrace what you’re good at, what you love and what you’re willing to fully invest in. That’s when the big change happens.”

“An unexpected meeting from my boss changed my approach"

After a late Friday night out, Jeremy Straub headed into a sales meeting bright and early on a Saturday morning. He expected to start the day off slowly, but instead, he found his boss there to observe him. Considering his boss never worked on the weekend, it was out of character, and Straub felt anxious and ill-prepared. 

Though perhaps a bit embarrassing for then 20-something Straub, this experience taught him what he calls the ‘Jelly Doughnut’ theory. The concept goes that while one doughnut won’t make you fat, if you eat one a day, you will watch your waistline grow. 

Lesson: Little Decisions Make a Big Difference

Straub realized that while one bad meeting won’t hurt results, if every sales meeting mimicked that poor Saturday morning performance, it would. “From that day on, I had a new belief that the little decisions make all the difference,” he shares. “I lost 35 pounds in the next six months from that experience. When faced with a little decision, I tried to make it a good decision.” 

Whether it meant taking the stairs instead of the elevator or drinking water instead of soda, adopting this mindset allowed Straub to make great strides in his career and his health. “I didn’t give up on the last five minutes on the treadmill, I said ‘no’ to the desert. Every little decision, I tried to make the right one.”

Today, Straub is the CEO of Coastal Wealth, and he’s still thinking thoroughly about every choice. In fact, he says of the 10,000 decisions someone may make in a day, an average person makes 3,000 good ones, while a successful person takes the smart route 7,000 times. “Your job is to make a little more right decisions today than you did yesterday. And if you keep stringing good little decisions together, then you have your overnight success years later,” he shared. “Seventeen years later, it’s the little decisions put together over time that have made the most significant impact on my personal and professional life.”

“A client asked me a simple — yet eye-opening — question”

Though Spencer Hadelman started his career in marketing working for basketball players, he transitioned to an agency for more opportunity to grow. What he didn’t anticipate once he got there was that a client’s question, many years into his professional development, would change his career approach: they wanted to know about invoicing. “I explained that the invoice came from my agency, not from me directly. It turned out that they didn't even know the name of the agency or other higher-ups at the company, they just knew it was ‘Spencer’ doing the work and only had a relationship with me,” he continued. “It dawned on me at that moment I had outgrown the old agency and needed to go off on my own.”

Lesson: You Don’t Need a Big Company to Make It

With this new knowledge — and the hope of freedom and success — Haldeman started Advantage Marketing. Instead of believing his worth was found in the support of a larger company, that client gave him the self-esteem to do his own thing. “When I advise men on their career I always tell them the most important characteristic you can have is confidence,” he shares. “If you don't believe in yourself; who else will believe in you and your ideas and vision?”

You Might Also Dig:

CEOs & Business Leaders Share Their Top Productivity Hacks

Are You Ready to Take the Entrepreneur Leap or Not?

CEOs on Their Morning Routines

DMTBeautySpot

via https://www.DMTBeautySpot.com

Lindsay Tigar, Khareem Sudlow

#DMTBeautySpot #beauty

Fall Fashion Trends for Men

While menswear evolves much slower trend wise than womenswear, fashion designer and author Joseph Abboud says now is an exciting time for guys to build and transform their wardrobes. As he puts it, more men are becoming more daring and experimental on how they choose to dress themselves thanks to a plethora of options recommended by their friends, social media, and, well, the internet. This creates a variety of large and small changes every season.

RELATED: Style Tips for Men: How to Upgrade Your Style

For those who pay attention to what’s in style and what they can adapt to their own ethos, Abboud recommends looking at what’s happening in the larger picture and figuring out how to pair it into your everyday life. Unlike with some female clothing, most of the time, everything you have is appropriate-ish — perhaps with a few subtle improvements.

“There are micro trends that appeal to the very fashion forward, but also macro trends that take longer to evolve and engrain themselves into the psyche of most men,” he explains. “So while menswear will change from season to season on the runways, the silver lining is that any classic item a man invests in — whether a navy suit, white cotton oxford shirt, cashmere sweater — will always remain timeless.”

This fall, you’ll be seeing more and more of these trends, as predicted by experts who know best:

The Return of the Suit

Boss, Ami, Joseph Abboud

Truth be told, Abboud is quick to say the suit has never died — nor will it ever. But this season, you will be seeing an evolution of the suit, and perhaps not in the way you expect. While in recent years, much of men’s fashion has been over-the-top casual, now the pendulum will slowly swing back to a more tailored approach.

“Out with the classic Gordon Gecko Wall Street suit, in with suits of voluminous and flowing silhouettes, suits with turtlenecks-crew necks-t-shirts, double breasted iterations, pleats, suits of varying shades beyond navy and gray,” Abboud explains. Generally speaking, he feels as if the suit will now be a topic of discussion, meant to draw eyes and start a conversation, rather than be something that’s comfortable and easy. This gives men the opportunity to experiment with a classic two or three-piece in a non-traditional or conforming manner. His best advice? Have fun — and dare to out-dress your colleague.

Moving Away from Snug to Loose

Junya Watanabe, Salvatore Ferragamo, Marni

For much of the last few years, some of men’s fashion has become more snug. This is due to an uptick in awareness of the male figure, with more men caring deeply about their health than in decades past. Though this has caused some clothing choices to cling tightly, custom clothing designer, sewing expert, instructor and blogger Peter Lappin says trends this fall will be looser. How come? With the exception of a tailored suit, most people shop online and it’s less risk to buy bigger than smaller. “It’s a whole lot safer to adopt a loose-and-slouchy silhouette when you’re buying sight unseen and it’s a whole lot more comfortable too,” he explains.

Warm and Funky Colors

E. Tautz, Bally, Dries Van Noten

Every season has its own color palette and this fall is no different. Personal stylist Rene Barnes predicts a few hues across all menswear, including burnt amber, maroon, indigo blue and hunter green. “You will likely see trousers, sport shirts, and outerwear appear in these colors. The great thing is that they may all be easily paired with one another for a refined, classic look,” she shares. Does this mean you have to stay within this spectrum? Absolutely not — but a few pops of these autumn-friendly colors will add dimension and expertise to your wardrobe.

Layering Is In — With a Twist

John Elliott, Loewe, Joseph Abboud

Depending on what part of the world you call home, layering is likely one of those habits you don’t think twice about. After all, you need to be warm for the commute to and from the office, so why not pile on the garments? This year, Abboud says this tactic will remain popular but it’ll have a twist that requires a careful eye. And perhaps, a taste for risk!

“There is an art-form to mixing different textiles, textures, and patterns. While many men prefer to play it safe with all over neutrals and classic wools and cottons, many others are branching out,” he predicts. What does this mean? He suggests picturing this get-up: a wide-wale corduroy blazer over a tweed gun-check vest, with a cashmere sweater underneath, and jeans on the bottom. “Sure, you might not get it right on first try, but in the end, fortune favors the bold,” he adds.

Bold Pattern Mixing on Everything

Neil Barrett, Sacai, Burberry

These days, Lappin says some men have a ‘safe’ separates wardrobe that consists of solid t-shirts, indigo jeans, khakis and sweatshirts. However, this is not only becoming outdated but many men are, well, for lack of a better word: bored!

Bold patterns are making their way into the standard rotation, and Lappin says you can expect animal prints, tropical weaves, loud plaids, oversized logo and much more. As he puts it, these were once anti-fashion, and that mindset is where all trends begin. “Mix and match and throw the rules out the window,” he continues. “Once you get into crazy pattern combinations, you realize that everything goes with everything and what could be more practical than that?”

Outerwear Will Have More Volume

Salvatore Ferragamo, Joseph Abboud, Louis Vuitton

Most of the world’s leaders these days remember the 80s or — believe it or not — were born in the legendary decade. And like it or not, the style of this time in history is starting to teeter toward modern day… but don’t pull out your parachute, MC Hammer pants just yet. Rather, take a look in the back of your closet where you stashed your winter gear. Abboud says this year, you’ll see overcoats that have more volume, flow and — ahem — swagger. These will also come with more robust textures and patterns, which was first introduced in the 1940s and reinvented in the 1980s. Now, it’s time to transform again with a new generation.

Dad Sneaker Backlash

Landlord, Officine Générale, A-Cold-Wall

You know those pillow-soled athletic shoes that felt as if you were walking on a mattress with a box-spring? Chances are high you probably have a few hanging out in your closet right now. Here’s the deal: Lappin says the trend would never last, and probably shouldn’t, since they weren’t great for your feet in the first place. Now, the minimal shoe trend is growing — think Xero, Vivobarefoot and Lems — with this season a big time to invest.

“Unlike your super-padded dad shoes, minimal shoes actually strengthen the muscles in your feet by allowing your feet to get some feedback from whatever surface you’re walking on,” he continues. “You adjust your gait organically and walk more efficiently, with less pounding on your joints.” He also says not to be surprised if you see more and more men walking barefoot by choice, too. (Hopefully they wash their feet before bed, though.)

Pleated Trousers

E. Tautz, Maison Kitsuné, Officine Générale

When you think of pleated trousers, what professions come to mind? If you’re like most folks, you probably think of your grandfather, a sales associate or the brainy guy in your high school. What’s interesting — and maybe surprising! — is this type of men’s bottom has been kicking around for some time in the industry. And now? Abboud says it’s slowly crossing over to become a staple in many design houses. So if you’ve been toying with giving ‘em a go, consider this fall the ideal time to try it. “They are flattering, look great with a tucked in shirt or t-shirt, and remind us of a bygone era in American menswear without being too nostalgic,” he explains.

Hats and More Hats

Ermenegildo Zegna, Yohji Yamamoto, Marni

Lappin says hats never went away entirely, it’s just that more formal headgear like your fedora or trilbys gave way to baseball caps and knit beanies. Even though the latter two styles are easy to throw on, Lappin stresses they can be ubiquitous and make you appear as if you’re still wearing your high school wardrobe.

Instead, more men will invest in a quality accessory for their head that’s made for their specific style and approach to fashion. “A trip to a great hat store like J.J. Hat Center in NYC is like a visit to another world, where elegance and classic style still mean something. A good felt hat can be an investment,” he explains. But is it worth it? Go try some on — and you tell us.

You Might Also Dig:

Best Boots for Fall A Man's Guide to Pants Fall Boots That Elevate Your Style

DMTBeautySpot

via https://www.DMTBeautySpot.com

Lindsay Tigar, Khareem Sudlow

#DMTBeautySpot #beauty

Grooming Mistakes Every Man Makes

After much encouragement, you gave your wardrobe the once-over it deserved. Now, you’re dressing for the part — and feeling good — but have you looked in the mirror? Getting into the habit of self-care, grooming and cleansing rituals is important for a man of any age, but especially as you age. The more TLC you give to your pores, your hair and your overall hygiene will not only help you fight against aging, but it can make you seem more approachable too.

RELATED: Shaving Routine Done Right

“Whether it's the hair on your head, body or face, grooming is critical in presenting the best version of ‘you’ and most confident self to the world — from your career to relationships and everything in between,” Austin Russo, grooming expert and vice president for Gamma Plus says.

All too often, men are guilty of skipping a few steps here-and-there, and merely getting by on the bare minimum in the morning or evening. If you are making any of these grooming mistakes, consider this your wake-up call to make a change ASAP:

You Don’t Invest in a Quality Haircut

While you may really dig your father’s barber who you have been going to for a lifetime, he may not be the best equipped for cut your hair. Many men stick with what they know, and rarely give a second thought to who is trimming their locks. Aaron David, master barber at Boss Hair Group says this can be problematic since you may end up with an outdated, unappealing style.

“Don’t be that good looking dude in a well-tailored suit with a nice pair of leather shoes rocking a bad haircut. You know ‘that’ cut: an unnatural boxed out hairline and colic flaring out like porcupine ready to attack,” he explains. Much like you invest in a solid suit staple and killer pair of loafers and athletic shoes, he also says is worth paying more to look your best. As he puts it: a bad haircut can cheapen your entire look.

You Ignore Your Eyebrows or Ears

Repeat after David: your eyebrows should never — ever — be long enough to braid. Sure, you may not be keen to pluck away like your partner, sister, friend or mother, but any stylist will know how to keep these bad boys tamed. David suggests asking for a trim when you go in for a haircut every four to six weeks. Another area you may be forgetting about? Your ear hair. Take a glance at your reflection and check out how long those strands are getting. If you can see them, it’s time for an extra snip-snip from a professional.

You Let Sweat Air Dry

No matter the season, the temperature or the reason, sweat happens. From intense, sticky workouts that leave you dripping with perspiration to the subtle sweat you forget about after a day of running errands, it’s normal to forget about how hot you were once the sweat dries. Dermatologist Robert Finney, MD, FAAD says though it seems innocent enough, it’s actually problematic for your pores since it increases your chance for acne or folliculitis on your face, back, bottom and beyond.

“Get into the shower as quickly as possible, use a wash cloth for tough to reach places and go for products with good active ingredients to help combat those pesky bumps,” he suggests. If you can’t get to a shower ASAP, he suggests keeping wipes on hand — either in your work or gym bag or your desk — so you can rinse a bit before heading to your next event.

You Go Too Heavy on the Cologne

While smothering yourself in spray-can cologne as a teenager was the ‘cool’ thing to do, as an adult, it can be overwhelming to smell someone before they’re even in a room. Rene Barnes, a personal stylist, say spraying too much fragrance is one of those habits that die hard for many men, since few learn exactly what is enough — and what’s overboard. The key is to leave folks lingering — not suffocating.

“Let us get a whiff of your favorite scent when we get close to you, not when we’re a mile away. Smell is one of the strongest senses, it can bring you back to a place or time in an instant,” she shares. “A subtle smell is more captivating than an overpowering one. Limit yourself to two spritzes and you’ll be golden.”

You Have a Straggly Beard

For much of the early 2000s, beards weren’t exactly a thing. Though many of your favorite MTV stars sported a spot of facial hair or a goatee, a full-fledged beard was out of the question. Nowadays though, many men have fully embraced this trend as part of a hipster scene, lumberjack vibe or more relaxed office culture. However, Bertus Rietveld, a co-founder of Reuzel says not every dude knows how to care for his new look. And worst of all? They come in with a smelly, straggly beard that — well — won’t turn anyone on.

“If you're trying to get laid, the worst thing you can do is have a nasty, stinky beard, who's going to want to get close to that?,” he shares. “Get yourself some good beard balm, which will soften the beard and protect your skin.” He suggests applying throughout, including at the roots, to ensure your beard is less itchy, less smelly and beardruff-free.

You Ignore Your Body Hair

No matter how well you take care of your hair up there — you can’t forget about down you-know-where. Peter Lappin, a custom clothing designer, sewing expert and blogger says generally speaking, men have a lot of hair and some have it everywhere. Hair around your genitals is healthy, it helps to wick perspiration away from your skin but if you don’t trim it or tame it, you may collect odor.

That being said, you don’t want to go overboard and go completely bare, which can leave you looking younger or um, smaller. Keep up with your hair by shaving or waxing as you feel comfortable, and don’t be afraid to ask your stylist or doctor for their suggestions.

You Shave Without Products

Whether you realize it or not, Joshua Zeichner, MD, the director of cosmetic and clinical research in dermatology at Mount Sinai Hospital says shaving isn’t just about cutting hair. Rather, it’s an interaction between hair, skin and the blade. So if you are trying to get rid of stubble without any type of cream or oil, you are putting your pores at risk. It also matters when you shave, if you want to avoid irritation or unwanted bumps.

“The best time to shave is towards the end of your shower, or immediately after, when the skin and the hair is hydrated. Make sure to apply a shave gel to the skin to enhance the glide of the razor against the skin to minimize the risk of razor burn, or irritation of the skin,” he recommends.

Once you’re smooth and clean, your job isn’t done, Zeichner reminds. Though many men aren’t a fan of the old aftershaves that were alcohol-based, a new wave of hydration products has made it more comfortable and less painful. “Aftershave was once used as an antiseptic after shaving. With advances in razor technology, men are not cutting the skin as much and are getting much closer shaves. After you are finished shaving, it is important to apply aftershave lotion to replace hydration and repair a potentially damage skin barrier from the shaving process itself,” he explains.

You Push Back Your Hairline

Many men will suffer from some level of hair loss over the course of their life. Though it happens at varying ages for everyone, it’s important to allow your hair to go at its own shedding speed. Russo says one of the worst grooming mistakes a man — or a barber! — can make is pushing back a hairline. This is when you trim your beard or buzz too far back, causing damage to your natural growth. “It can take weeks or sometimes even months for hair to grow back normally again,” he warns. When in doubt, ask a stylist where your hairline is on your face and head and ensure there is no shaving past it.

You Don’t Have a Regimen

If you’re in a heterosexual relationship, you probably watch in amazement as your girlfriend goes through a multi-step process before putting on her makeup or hopping into bed. After all, you brush your teeth and might wash your face and then go dreamland, right? Too often, men forget to develop a skincare routine of their own, according to Finney. This can sometimes be because they believe it’s time-consuming, difficult, or just annoying. It doesn’t have to be.

His best advice is to wash your face twice a day, use a vitamin C serum in the morning along with an oil-free moisturizer and sunscreen, and a retinol cream at night. It’s also important to exfoliate your face two to three times a week, to remove dead skin cells that can linger on your face resulting in a dull appearance and clogged pores. “This regimen takes minimal thought and is greatly beneficial to prevent and reverse signs of aging, also while cutting down on acne,” he raves.

You Over Style Your Hair

Everyone has insecurities and if yours are found in your hair, then you may have a heavy hand with product. In fact, Russo says many times men are trying to achieve a clean, refined look and end up drenching or dying out their locks. “Too much gel, clay, wax and pomade may hold your hair in place better, but may also make it look like you are wearing a helmet and can also result in flaking,” he continues.

Additionally, if your hair is thinning dramatically but you just can’t seem to part with it yet, using a product that results in a “wet look” such as a pomade, gel or even some hair sprays can cause hair to stick together exposing even more of your scalp. This means thin hair looks thinner.

The next time you are styling your hair, take a dime-size amount, let it dry and then see if you need more. Chances are slim you actually need as much as you have been using of your go-to products. Or, you can follow Russo’s rue: Use enough product to get the job done and hold the hair in place, but not so much that it looks like you can bounce a ball off your helmet.

If you have read this and see some of your habits called out, it’s OK. It’s never too late to polish up your grooming game. Find plenty of tips and tools at AskMen. 

You Might Also Dig:

Best Summer Hair Care Products for Men How to Shave Your Balls How to Take Care of Your Hair

DMTBeautySpot

via https://www.DMTBeautySpot.com

Lindsay Tigar, Khareem Sudlow

#DMTBeautySpot #beauty

Here Are the Answers to the Questions You Don't Want to Ask Your Doctor

According to some research, men visit the doctor 32 percent less than women throughout their lifetime. Though this can be attributed to many factors and is unique to each person, if you aren’t receiving routine check-ups, you could be putting your health at risk. And more importantly: you miss out on the opportunity to truly understand your body, its habits and warning signs of distress. If you normally get nervous at your appointments and get nervous asking certain weird or gross questions, we get it. It’s tough to talk about the nitty-gritty.

RELATED: Colon Cancer Prevention: Everything You Need to Know

Though you’re not off the hook for booking a visit to your physician, we went ahead and asked professionals to weigh in on the icky inquisitions that most guys tend to avoid. Here, answers to your grossest health questions so that you can make room for, well, everything else:

Why are my balls so sweaty?

Ball sweat: You know the feeling all too well when you’ve spent a day under the hot summer sun. Or you mastered a killer workout — and now you can’t cool off. Within an hour of being in a cool space, your body will naturally alleviate the perspiration. And though it may be stinky and sometimes, well, slippery, family and emergency doctor Janette Nesheiwat says it’s totally normal for the groin and scrotum to be sweaty.

How come? Men have a plethora of glands below the belt, and usually, they cover them with two layers of clothing. “It cannot be easily ventilated, so sweat cannot easily evaporate or be wiped away like it is on our face or arms,” she continues.

If you feel as if your sweat is out of control, Nesheiwat says you may suffer from a condition called hyperhidrosis, which means you have more glands than average. “Talk to your healthcare provider if you suffer from excessive sweating that interfering with your normal daily function,” she recommends.

Why does my semen change consistency?

If you’re constantly sexually active — whether with many partners, one long-term love or ahem, yourself — you’re probably aware of your discharge. Semen is intricial to a man’s body and it can raise concern if you notice something funky or off. Even if you don’t raise an eyebrow at a change, your partner may clue you in if the taste or consistency has shifted.

If this happens, Nesheiwat says it isn’t a big deal, since there are many reasons this can happen, most of which don’t point to an underlying medical condition. “It can be due to dehydration, infection, hormones, medications, injury, smoking, drugs or alcohol,” she continues. “It can change in color and consistency, and the timing of ejaculation can also make a difference.”

Why do I find it harder to last longer in bed lately?

When it comes to getting jiggy with it, you’re typically always in the mood. And you tend to be a giver who cares about your partner’s satisfaction. But lately, you’ve been falling short. For most men, this will cause a major concern that raises your stress levels. Nesheiwat explains many issues could be to blame, including arterial disease, diabetes, high blood pressure, heavy drug and alcohol use, heightened anxiety or certain medications. “Hormonal insufficiency, low testosterone levels may play a role in erectile dysfunction, too,” she adds.

But there’s a silver lining to be found in the bedroom: this is both common — and treatable, no matter your age. “Talk your doctor to determine if there’s any underlying medical disorder, which needs to be addressed,” she urges.

Why does it take me so long to go to the bathroom?

Remember when you threw back countless beers at a kegger — and couldn’t stop going to the bathroom? While going number one was expected and easy in your 20s (and probably 30s and 40s), Nesheiwat says as men get older, their prostate enlarges, which can block the natural urinary outflow.

How come? The prostate puts pressure on your urethra, causing difficulty getting the stream started. You may notice more dribbling or even a weak amount since your bladder might not completely empty out. If it happens too often, it could lead to an infection or inflammation — both of which can be troublesome for your overall health.

“It’s important to speak with your doctor if you have any of these symptoms to make sure there’s no underlying life-threatening cause such as prostate cancer,” Nesheiwat warns.

Why can't I work out like I used to?

For most of your adult life, you cycled through leg day, back day, arm day and full-body day like a pro. Your workouts were intense and challenging, and you always felt super-energized and accomplished after you completed them. But now, it takes more effort to get yourself to the tread or the bench. And you may feel more aches and pains during recovery periods, too.

Nesheiwat says as you make more laps around the sun, your muscle mass decreases and hormones within your body shift. As we get older, muscle mass decreases and hormonal changes occur. Additionally, conditions such as arthritis, degenerative joint disease, diabetes, high blood pressure and obesity can impact our exercise tolerance and daily activity.

It’s in your best interest to stay consistent, even if you have to dial back. “Remaining active helps to improve circulation and to reduce the risk of stroke and heart disease by lowering stress, improving mood and aiding with sleep,” she explains.

Why does my urine smell so bad?

When you make a visit to the toilet, do you nearly gag at the stench? If so, have you ever wondered if it was you? Nesheiwat says urine can change in odor depending on a variety of factors, including what you eat, drink, and smoke, as well as the time of day. Don’t be surprised if your urine is darker first thing in the morning and gets lighter throughout the day. It’s more concentrated after a good night's sleep.

Color variation is fairly common, but if you’re dehydrated, you may need to rethink your habits and double-up on aqua. If a strange smell continues for an extended period of time, it could indicate a sexually transmitted infection or other condition or disease. If it becomes worrisome, seek medical attention ASAP.

What other gross questions do you have? Ask them in out GuyQ forum to get the conversation started.

You Might Also Dig:

How to Treat Your Erectile Dysfunction I Got Botox to Stop Sweating and This Is What I Learned Men's Health Awareness: Health Screenings Every Man Should Have

DMTBeautySpot

via https://www.DMTBeautySpot.com

Lindsay Tigar, Khareem Sudlow

#DMTBarberShop

How to Avoid Career Burnout

Even if you started off in a gig that brought you joy and fulfillment, feeling disenchanted after many years — or decades — is a common ailment for many professionals. Though there are some perks to staying in the same industry, or even remaining loyal to a company, if you find yourself exhausted at the mere thought of heading into the office, you could be heading towards a major burnout. 

RELATED: How to Deal With Workplace Anxiety

Now, you may be asking yourself what exactly is burnout? Career expert and founder of The Lonely Entrepreneur, Michael Dermer says this all-too-frequent experience is what happens when your career doesn’t match your passion. You’re working endlessly, finding some sort of success, but in the end, you aren’t happy. And you aren’t inspired, invigorated or excited about what you’re doing day-in and day-out. 

If you’re feeling this way, you’re definitely not alone, especially since the most recent Job Openings and Labor Turnover Survey from the Bureau of Labor Statistics found American workers are quitting their jobs at the highest rate since 2001. Dermer says though some of this has to do with layoffs and high employment, a big part of it is also the surplus of the gig economy that’s often fueled from burnout. 

If you find yourself walking a fine line and thinking of jumping ship, here’s what you need to know about avoiding burnout and preparing for this career shift. 

Talk About It

What career burnout looks like on one person is vastly different than what it can come across in another. As leadership development and career expert Elizabeth Whittaker-Walker explains, sometimes it looks like apathy, other times it’s depression, or it’s a string of desperate sick days and vacation time linked together. 

However it looks on you, the worst thing you can do is keep it inside. It’s better to address what’s happening to your trusted network — whether it’s friends, family or mentors — so you can start to take action. After all, even if in decades past, America’s workforce nursed or numbed how they were feeling about their careers, access to technology today creates the landscape for change unlike before. 

“With the rise in apps, websites and services in the career industry coupled with a myriad of remote opportunities, it may be easier than ever to change lanes,” she explains.

Have a Plan

Intentional or not, Dermer says many times, people end up in jobs out of need. But what few remember is how needs change over time. While any paying job (preferably with benefits) was ideal when you were fresh out of college so you could pay off your student loans, now that you’re more established, your ‘needs’ have likely changed. You can’t go back and change your choice to invest in higher education now, but you can start making a plan right now to figure out how to be happy. 

If you need to work in your lucrative, cushy office job for a few more years while you save up as much as you can and pay off any loans, start laying the foundation for what you will do once you hit that milestone of freedom. Dermer says having a plan and making an investment to follow the path is a key part of preventing burnout. 

Be True to Yourself

By this, Dermer means being brave enough to address what you’re really feeling. Having the courage to reflect on your day-to-day happiness and not going by the status quo will pay off in the long run, even if it’s scary in the here-and-now.

Sometimes simply admitting that something isn’t right is a big enough first step to help you make progress in the right direction. “Don’t fall into the trap of doing what you did today because you did it yesterday. And don’t let anyone ever tell you that you can’t make changes. You may not be able to make changes right away but there is always a way,” Dermer explains. 

One way to explore what’s happening in your career (or perhaps, not happening) is to make a good ‘ole fashioned pro and con list. This will illustrate what you enjoy about your current environment and the areas that need improvement. As you look into opportunities or consider your grand exit, having this info top of mind will make you more strategic and mindful. 

RELATED: Easy Side Hustles to Bring in Extra Income

Remember Your ‘Why’

Hopefully, your career shift won’t be as dramatic as Ross and Rachel attempting to move a couch in a stairwell but if you need permission to pivot, here it is. Though Whittaker-Walker isn’t suggesting you send in your letter of resignation today, she’s not saying it’s a terrible idea, depending on where you are in your career. 

You can understand if your feelings of burnout are fueled by your industry or by your company, by channeling your inner ‘why.’ What is something that fuels your fire? What’s something you could talk about for hours? What makes you amped to go into the office? These answers will address your motivations — and help you to start, well, dreaming again. “Imagining the possibilities is the first step. Begin doing some research to determine what your next steps should be. When seeking new opportunities, set clear boundaries. If the new option you’re exploring is not aligned to your purpose, keep it moving,” she continues. 

“Once you give yourself permission to do something different, you have to follow through in your actions. Resist the urge to do the thing you’ve always done, if you’re clear that it doesn’t serve your best self.”

Research

If you are in a financial position where you can take the next year off of work and really do some soul-searching, go for it. But since most people are not, it’s important to do research before you decide to make a move. By digging into a new industry — or into your own mental habits — you can begin to address where you can make changes. 

“Look for opportunities to work in your passion area, where you are. While you’re doing your research and developing your pivot plan, be intentional about looking for opportunities that allow you to work in your purpose,” Whittaker-Walker suggests. “Spend some time with yourself. Before you jump career ships, make sure you are clear on what’s prompting the burnout. Sometimes dissatisfaction in one area of life can spill into our careers. If you’re consistently stressed about something at home, with extended family, finances, world events, your image, etc., your career may or may not be the culprit. Invest some time in getting to the root of your feelings, and once you have, plan and prepare accordingly.”

You Might Also Dig:

How to Improve Workplace Confidence Habits of Happy People Step-by-Step Guide to Starting Your Own Business

DMTBeautySpot

via https://DMTBarberShop.com

Lindsay Tigar, Khareem Sudlow

#dmtbarbershop #beauty
https://dmtbarbershop.com

Surprising Facts About Hugh Jackmans Style

Legendary for his many diverse, iconic roles, Hugh Jackman has delighted audiences for decades. From his nearly two-decades long embodiment of “Wolverine” to his dazzling vocals in “Les Miserables” and “The Greatest Showman,” Jackman has captured a variety of characters throughout his career. He’s also evolved his style from cable-knit, turtleneck sweaters in the ‘90s to a classic, refined aesthetic today. Like many smart dressers, he knows the key to a stellar look is choosing timeless, tailored pieces from head-to-toe.

RELATED: How to Upgrade Your Style According to Experts

Of course, this also means accessories that tell a story, especially since he’s the global ambassador for Mont Blanc. While celebrating the launch of their new Starwalker line at the Lone Star Flight Museum in Houston, Texas, Jackman discussed all-things-style with AskMen. Here’s what we learned.

He Likes to Dress Up — But Not All the Time

Given he’s always tangoing from performances to appearances, Jackman dresses to the nines frequently. Though it may be taxing for some men to clean up, this award-winning actor looks forward to it.

“I really appreciate and like getting dressed up in a suit with a beautiful watch, the whole thing. I really enjoy that,” he shared. The only caveat though? It can wear on him if he has one event after another: “I love that process … but not all the time. I’m glad I’m not doing it five days a week. When I do it, I love the way I feel,” he explains.

He Thinks Getting Dressed Up is Like Acting

Think back on the last time you suited up for a wedding, a black-tie event or even a promising first date. As you shower, shave and cull your hair, you become a more polished version of yourself.

You could even argue, if you’re Jackman, you take on a new persona. And while it’s technically still you under the glamour, well-fitting clothes can boost your confidence. Jackman described the experience much like stepping into a new role for a movie or show. Considering acting is his passion, it makes sense why getting dressed up is an enjoyable feeling for him: they come hand-in-hand.

His Ultimate Luxury Is…

Everyone has a different part of their wardrobe that they invest money in — and another where they let it slide. While some sports enthusiasts will spend a pretty penny on athletic shoes, others who appreciate high fashion don’t mind shelling out a few thousand for a simple cashmere cardigan.

For Jackman, the ultimate luxury is a hand-tailored suit and shoes. “I love the way it makes you feel,” he raved. These two essentials play to how he would describe his style: pretty relaxed. Comfortable. And most of all, he says, elegant.

How would you describe your style? We can’t all be Wolverine — but we can find an aesthetic that matches our personality and brand.

You Might Also Dig:

Top 10 Summer Fashion Tips Best Wardrobe Basics for Men Wardrobe Essentials to Upgrade Your Style



DMT.NEWS

via https://dmtbeautyspot.com

Lindsay Tigar, DMT.NEWS