Scared For Life To Go Back To “Normal”? You’re Not Alone
March 24, 2021BruceDayneEarlier this month, President Biden announced that all American adults will be eligible to receive the COVID-19 vaccine by May 1. After a year of tragedy, trauma, depression, and isolation, the types of feelings expected to accompany that news are hope and excitement — finally, a return to “normal.” Almost immediately, conversations about what restaurants people would visit and what outfits they’d wear picked up with a new urgency. People joked online about being able to breathe all over their friends and dance in a sweaty crowd at a concert. It’ll be another Roaring ’20s is the consensus, it seems, the biggest party ever. But what if you’re scared to RSVP?
“I was such a lunatic last March — honestly, last January. I was calling all my friends to be like, ‘There’s a virus coming, hunker down! Go get your beans!‘” New Jersey-based editor Elena Nicolaou, 26, explains in a soft, mock shout. “So now that it may soon be over, I should be the one talking about putting on a bikini and walking outside, but I’m not.” Nicolaou isn’t the only one who’s trepidatious about post-pandemic life. “I often feel the need to pretend I’m more excited than I am,” says Chicago-based journalist Emma Sarran Webster, 35. “Inside, I’m feeling all sorts of mixed up about it. Even just seeing people on social media get excited triggers [stress and anxiety].”
Nicolaou and Webster are not alone in feeling conflicted about getting to the other side of the pandemic — but because the end of a pandemic that has killed millions worldwide is obviously a positive thing, it’s rare to hear anyone talk about their anxiety at having to return to “normal,” and yet there’s little doubt that’s how many people are feeling. “Humans tend to be somewhat nervous or even resistant to change,” psychologist Dr. I-Ching Grace Hung tells Refinery29, explaining why even good change is terrifying. “There’s usually some level of anxiety or fear attached because evolutionarily our brains are built to like certainty. We try to do things that help us at least have a sense of control, so even if the change might be positive, there is still that uncertainty and unknown.”
Amid a year of intense uncertainty, one of the ways people have learned to cope is by asserting control in whatever way they can and establishing agency over their new lives. It’s understandable that it will be hard to give that up and enter yet another new era of uncertainty. For Nicolaou, control has come in the form of getting to work-from-home and abandoning a multi-hour daily commute. “The autonomy that I have over my schedule has been extremely liberating,” she shares. “I’ve been able to work on projects, try out cooking, and just have much more control over my free time, in a way that I find extremely empowering.” She’s also had more time to rest. “I no longer have bags under my eyes 24/7.”
Nicolaou says that returning to her previous routine of offices and trains would make her feel “trapped,” and the idea of losing her freedom is terrifying. Brooklyn-based student and freelance journalist Shelby Hall, 23, feels the same. “This time with myself and those closest to me has brought out more of my drive and relentless passion, and I wouldn’t want that to go away when things go back to normal,” she shares, adding that she fears the common schedule of working 9 to 5 would make her “boring.”
While some people have felt empowered to do things for themselves during this period, others feel like they didn’t take full advantage of the time, leading them to feel anxious about returning to a more conventional work routine for completely different reasons. “Even though logically I know I spent a lot of time this past year just trying to process everything that was going on and not be too hard on myself, in retrospect, I sometimes can’t help but beat myself up for ‘missed opportunities,'” Webster shares. “Why didn’t I use all of this downtime to make progress on the various creative ideas I’ve had floating around in my head for years? Why didn’t I get Invisalign when I knew I would be sitting at home all the time anyway? I suddenly feel like I don’t have time to do all of the things I’ve been putting off, and I wasted the chance to do them when I had nothing but time.”
While Webster is anxious about all the things she didn’t do during the pandemic, others are anxious about the things they did do, like moving or getting a pet. Nicolaou did both. Because she didn’t want to ride out COVID alone and because she’s close with her family, she gave up her apartment in New York City and moved home to New Jersey to live with her parents and sister. Together, she and her sister fulfilled a childhood dream and adopted a dog. Though she feels confident that these two decisions were right for her, they’ll pose complications when things go back to “normal.” She says, “It’s very easy to take care of a dog when you’re home all day, and I’m not sure what it’ll look like when I have to go back. Of course, I’ll figure it out. Everyone does. But I’m just honestly worried about the logistics of going back into the world.”
Throughout this period of instability and fear, people have, all in their own ways, worked hard to create little pockets of protection for themselves, and for many, that has included creating small social pods: Adult children moved back in with their parents, roommates became family, and partners grew even closer. After facing the trauma of 2020 side-by-side, it’s no wonder it’s frightening for many people to step back from that and let other people in. Dr. Hung acknowledges that it will take motivation, courage, and trust in other people to move forward from these familiar bubbles. One way to gain that courage is to construct new social boundaries for yourself. “Try to figure out what you actually want to do and don’t jump into it just because all of a sudden we can,” Dr. Hung suggests.
Having interacted with only a select group of people for so long not only created bonds that are difficult to break, but it may have also impaired some people’s social skills. Shelby DeWeese, a 28-year-old nonprofit arts administrator living in Minneapolis, says she’s really looking forward to hugging her parents, sister, and other loved ones when this is all over, but there are some interactions she’s nervous about. “Small talk in elevators, at parties, and during lunch at my workplace are a few of the many instances that would always stir up my anxiety even before the pandemic. Now that it’s been a year since I’ve had practice in this, I am not looking forward to readjusting,” she explains. “I have not socialized with anyone face-to-face except for my husband and two pet rabbits for a year. I am so grateful that I’ve been able to work from home safely and that an end is in sight for this deadly pandemic. But I am also fearful that many of the things I miss — going to group fitness classes, volunteering, dinner parties, board game nights — will be excruciatingly difficult. What do people even talk about?”
Hall is also worried about this return to socializing. “I’ve always been a homebody, but I’ve grown to treasure it all the more. I just don’t know how I’ll be comfortable out in the world,” she says. Dr. Hung assumes it will be a little awkward for many of us at first, but says that acknowledging the readjustment period will help us to normalize and navigate the struggle.
Another layer of post-pandemic social anxiety revolves around the fact that, for many people, there is no way to simply flip a switch and suddenly feel completely safe partying. “For the past year, we’ve been told to avoid other people, stay away from crowds, be extra aware of any possible signs of illness, so now, the idea of going into restaurants, socializing with groups of friends — indoors, of all places! — or even walking down a crowded sidewalk, just feels so daunting and dangerous,” Webster shares.
The return of work schedules and social engagements means the return of other societal expectations, which, for some, is the most daunting prospect of all. “As a recent graduate trying desperately to be hired, I’m experiencing extreme anxiety about having to go back out into the world of early 20-somethings on their path to success,” says Amanda*, who is 22, unemployed, and currently living in Arizona with her parents. “As much as I hate it, the pandemic has acted like some sort of shield against the anxiety and scrutiny of not being where I need to be right now. I’m dreading a lunch or a coffee chat where we go around describing our jobs or even complaining about them.”
Webster, who quit her job and gave up her condo in February 2020 in order to embark on a six-month trip with her husband — only to be forced to return home with no plan or place to live just three weeks later — has been struggling through something similar. “I’ve experienced [anxiety] with pretty much every new reopening phase,” she explains. “Back in the summer, when talk of moving into the first post-lockdown phase began, I told my husband that I was feeling really anxious about it and I couldn’t pinpoint why. After all, shouldn’t I be excited to have even a little bit more freedom? He said, ‘Everyone else is going to start going back to their normal lives, and we don’t have a normal life to go back to right now.’ We were living in my mom’s basement, most of our belongings were in boxes at her house and in our storage unit, and we didn’t have jobs. So much about our lives and next steps were up in the air; so while lockdown was tough, at least it felt like we were still on ‘pause,’ and we didn’t have to figure things out right then.”
Perhaps, though, because it’s so hard to put life on pause, when people did manage to do so successfully, it brought them to a place of self-acceptance and peace — why would they want to press play again? “I think my nervousness stems from how much I’ve grown within my own self throughout the last year and how much my life has changed,” Hall shares. “I don’t want to go back to normal and lose myself in the craziness or in wanting to try to act like everybody else again.”
Nicolaou feels similarly, saying: “All of the things that I had set as pillars of my future, I realized were illusions — the trips I thought I would take, the things I’d hoped to accomplish in terms of my dating life by a certain age. Those never existed to begin with, they were never real.” After months of this no-plans perspective, Nicolaou’s outlook on the future and expectations for her life had transformed, in her opinion, for the better. So, when news broke that she would be eligible for the vaccine sooner than she expected, her immediate reaction scared her. “It was like a switch went off. I was like, ‘I can make plans now.’ I literally heard the typewriter clacking away in my head: Where am I going? What am I doing? Who am I seeing first? What clubs am I going out to dance at? It was a sensory overload.” She was thrilled when her grandparents and parents got vaccinated, but the thought of getting the vaccine herself gave her anxiety. “It was like, oh, now I have to go live my life again and go back to having those plans, those plans that were all-consuming and put pressure on me.”
“For some, the pandemic has been a window into a different world of what could be,” Dr. Hung says. “In a ‘normal world,’ you have these sets of expectations for yourself and then in a non-normal world, so to speak, you shift those expectations accordingly. What that helps us realize is that we are the ones setting these expectations. You can actually shift those expectations anytime.” Dr. Hung says that this will take practice. “It won’t come easily to us necessarily because if the external changes, we still have to adapt to it in some way. Maybe the change will shift or look different, but it’s still up to you, it’s within your level of control to try to be intentional about maintaining that positive change.”
And yet, it can feel next to impossible to make those changes when one of the darker aspects of the COVID-19 pandemic has been how many people were suddenly exposed to the fact that life-altering events can happen at any moment — no matter what we’ve done to prepare. “Now, having seen the way the world could fall apart, it’s like I don’t have that trust anymore. I don’t have trust that it’s not all going to happen again. I think that this has changed my faith in the system holding, which in some ways, is good. I’m very privileged as an American, as a white woman to not have known that so viscerally,” Nicolaou shares. “I’m never going to go back into the world with that same carefree attitude.” Though this particular realization can be overwhelming, Dr. Hung says it’s key in being able to weather the constant ebbs and flows of life.
“The first step in building resilience is awareness and acceptance that constant change is a fundamental part of life,” she explains. “This can prepare us to not just brace for impact, but really lean into what may come” Maybe that means going to those crazy post-COVID parties, or maybe it means staying home in the suburbs with your dog. Either way, it means not worrying too much about “what if” and just living in the moment.
*Some names have been changed
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Spiritually, We Are All Stuck In The Suez Canal
March 24, 2021BruceDayne
Egypt’s Suez Canal — one of the world’s busiest and most important waterways — is currently blocked, thanks to a massive, 224,000-ton container ship called the Ever Given. The vessel became lodged in the canal on Tuesday, causing a large-scale traffic jam and clogging almost the entire width of the passageway.
The canal, which connects the Red Sea to the Mediterranean and provides an essential passageway between Asia, Europe, and the Middle East, is responsible for transporting around 12% of all global trade. According to The New York Times, tankers with about 10% of a day’s total global oil consumption are now stuck, causing a 4% spike in oil prices.
The Ever Given, which is 59 meters wide and 400 meters long, was en route to the Netherlands when it got stuck. The ship entered the trade passage on Tuesday, and according to Suez Canal Authority spokesman George Safwat, a sandstorm in northern Egypt caused high winds and “an inability to direct the ship.”
But even once the Ever Given is dislodged, it will take a while for traffic to resume and global trade to recover. “At present, the number of ships waiting could reach 100, which will increase over time,” an Egyptian official told CNN. “The disruption of navigation is expected to cause ship congestion, which takes two to three days to normally restore traffic order.”
Although strategists worry this could have a negative impact on the oil economy and movement of consumer goods, everyone on the Ever Given (and the nearby vessels) is reportedly safe. Eight tugboats are trying to free the vessel from the canal, which has proven difficult given its size. A front-end loader is also trying to dig the ship out from where it’s wedged into a sandbank.
The real kicker, though, is that the ship charted an, uh, interesting course before becoming trapped. Behold:
just to reiterate: about 10 percent of world trade has been at a standstill for 2 days because a cargo ship drew a giant dick in the Red Sea then wedged itself sideways in the Suez Canalhttps://t.co/hlN1PcmMhW pic.twitter.com/wfSKdrtpkj
— Matthew Champion (@matthewchampion) March 24, 2021
Good morning especially to the megaship #EVERGIVEN, which as of a few minutes ago, is still stuck sideways in the Suez Canal, and is also the metaphor we need for life in 2021. pic.twitter.com/feDSA1jeqk
— Maryn McKenna (@marynmck) March 24, 2021
Hoping they are able to clear the Suez Canal soon 🙏 pic.twitter.com/eX88ZbEbfR
— John W. Rich (Fake Tech Exec) (@Cokedupoptions) March 24, 2021
— Arnthor Asgrimsson (@addiiceland) March 24, 2021
Im sooooo stressed out for the person driving that stuck Suez Canal boat. Imagine the entire world watching you park your car? Humiliating stuff
— amil (@amil) March 24, 2021
— Brandy Jensen (@BrandyLJensen) March 24, 2021
As many have mused, the blockage of the vulnerable, narrow Suez Canal and its ensuing domino effects feel pretty representative of everything we’ve gone through this past year. Trying to keep everyone healthy and safe, spirits high, and the world afloat during a global pandemic has been a little bit like trying to dig a 200,000-ton ship out of a sandbank and push it through a very thin passage. It’s time to think bigger.
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No, Really, What Is Going On With Meghan McCain?
March 24, 2021BruceDayne
Meghan McCain, one of several children of prominent politicians to land lucrative jobs in network television through personal connections, wondered aloud on Wednesday whether “identity politics” should supersede job qualifications in terms of getting hired.
On a Wednesday episode of The View, co-hosts discussed the recent news about Asian-American representation in President Joe Biden’s cabinet. Each of the show’s members seemed to agree that it was completely appropriate for Democratic Senators Tammy Duckworth and Mazie Hirono to demand that the Biden administration pursue greater diversity in its high-level staff. McCain, however, expressed fear that identity politics could leave her — a white, conservative woman who supported Trump until he left office — jobless.
“We’re going to a place where even if people need money, even if people are qualified to get into Ivy Leagues, race and gender is more important than your skill qualifications, the content of your character,” McCain said. “I think this is a very, very slippery slope.”
However, McCain seems to be ignoring the fact that she benefited directly from identity politics due to her social background. Nevertheless, she dug in even further: “And I will say, just to put a cap on this, The View is 25 years old next year. We’ve only had one Asian-American host co-host this show. So does that mean that one of us should be leaving at some point because there’s not enough representation?”
Meghan McCain: “We’ve only had one Asian American host co-host host this show. Does that mean one of us should be leaving because there’s not enough representation? We’re talking about — is identity politics more important than the qualifications for the job?” pic.twitter.com/0nN1ilB9Nn
— Justin Baragona (@justinbaragona) March 24, 2021
This isn’t the first time in recent months that McCain has said something misinformed, questionable, or downright offensive on a national platform. Just this week, McCain was called out by John Oliver on his late-night show where he aired a clip of the talk show host defending former president Trump’s racist, anti-Asian rhetoric. McCain apologized, but only after the clip of her saying “China Virus” was trending on Twitter.
And, earlier this month, while participating in a conversation about Oprah’s interview with Prince Harry and Meghan Markle — including Piers Morgan’s insensitive ranting — McCain took the opportunity to extoll the virtues of the American Revolution and George Washington’s historic home in Mount Vernon. She encouraged “all Americans to visit Mount Vernon and see why monarchies are stupid.” She refused to defend the monarchy because she’s “a red-blooded 100% American who celebrates freedom any way I can.”
Confused? Us too. But there’s more: In February, she complained about her inability to obtain a vaccine, despite the fact that she is a talk show host. After all, a large public platform and privilege are considered comorbidities, right? “It’s terribly inconsistent messaging,” McCain said, criticizing Dr. Anthony Fauci. “And it continues to be inconsistent messaging.”
Considering everything that McCain has espoused in more recent months and weeks — even denouncing her position as a Trump supporter after the president was twice impeached, voted out of office, and ignited a Capitol siege — we only have one question now: Meghan, are you good?
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Here’s The Fun New Way Republican Men Are Threatening Public Safety
March 24, 2021BruceDayne
According to the strict rules of masculinity, manly men should not recycle, lean in a certain direction, or wear a face mask. Now, evidently, the latest unnecessarily gendered action is receiving the life-saving COVID-19 vaccine and becoming immune to a contagious illness that has killed nearly 3 million people worldwide.
With each day, more Americans become eligible for vaccination, but certain demographics are more hesitant to take advantage of the shot. According to a new NPR/Marist study, 41% of self-identified Republicans, 34% of Independents, and 11% of Democrats say they do not plan on becoming vaccinated. Americans were also broken down by race, generation, education level, and voting history, and Republican men comprise the most anti-vaccine group. Compared to 34% of Republican women, 14% of Democrat women, and only 6% of Democrat men, 49% of Republican men say they will not get the vaccine.
According to Nigel Barber, PhD, men have always been more likely to take life-threatening, “deliberate risks” than women. This can explain why men were more hesitant to mask up, too. “Men were more likely to say masks make them feel not cool. Mask-wearing represents a stigma for men,” Barber wrote in Psychology Today. “Wearing a mask expresses vulnerability. As a sign of risk aversion, it is perceived as unmanly.” He also wrote that men believe themselves to be lower-risk for COVID-19 than women, which is factually inaccurate.
Melissa Deckman, a Washington College politics professor who specializes in gender, told The Lily that some men just don’t find vaccines “manly” and that succumbing to vaccination might mean admitting they are not invincible. Lots to unpack here!
Republicans have also refused the vaccine for a variety of reasons, including distrust of Joe Biden’s administration, fears that the vaccine was “rushed,” and the belief that the virus was never life-threatening in the first place. According to Dr. Peter Hotez, a vaccine scientist, some Republicans feel that by turning down the vaccine, they’re supporting their political party. “Being against vaccines has been seen now as a badge or as a sign of loyalty to the Republican Party,” Hotez told PBS News Hour.
This is also very publicly apparent. Conservative pundits like Tucker Carlson have expressed doubts about the shot. Donald Trump — whose voters are overwhelmingly uninterested in inoculation, according to the NPR poll — got his vaccine in January, although he declined to do so publicly, and didn’t even share that he had received it until this month. “I would recommend it to a lot of people that don’t want to get it. And a lot of those people voted for me, frankly,” he recently said on Fox News. “But again, we have our freedoms, and we have to live by that. And I agree with that also.” (One might think Trump’s supporters would be clamoring to receive the vaccine, seeing as he’s repeatedly stated it was his doing. Still, 47% of his supporters don’t want the “beautiful” shot.)
Public health officials say that between 70 and 85% of the population must take the vaccine in order to reach herd immunity, and Dr. Anthony Fauci has warned that the vaccine needs bipartisan support. “The numbers you gave are so disturbing, how such a large proportion of a certain group of people would not want to get vaccinated merely because of political consideration,” Fauci told Meet the Press. “We’ve got to dissociate political persuasion from what’s common sense, no-brainer, public health things.”
In other words, toxic masculinity is now a public health crisis. Literally.
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This Lizzie McGuire Makeup Collab Is What Beauty Dreams Are Made Of
March 24, 2021BruceDayne
If you were a kid in America in the early- to mid-2000s, you know just how important Lizzie McGuire was to pop culture at the time — Lizzie, played by Hilary Duff, was basically our BFF in our heads. Though the Disney+ reboot of the hit series is no longer happening, we can still take a trip down memory lane thanks to a new collaboration with ColourPop Cosmetics.
Today, the brand announced an upcoming collection inspired by the iconic character, and it’s certified cute. “Grab your ankle bracelet, hair crimper, and butterfly clips… it’s time for some outfit repeating!” ColourPop wrote in an announcement shared to Instagram. Available to shop on March 26, the five-piece collection includes a 12-pan eyeshadow palette, lip scrub, plumping lip gloss, glitter gel, and powder blush in cool-toned pastels and shimmer colors. You can also expect quirky shade names — like “Dear Diary” and “Don’t Freak” — based on the sayings and phrases we memorized from the show.
✨Simply Fearless! and Certified Cute! ✨
— ColourPop Cosmetics (@ColourPopCo) March 22, 2021
⭐️ The Disney Lizzie McGuire Collection Launching 3/26 at 10 am pst on https://t.co/5C9dbszKrN!
💜 12 Pan Palette
💜 Lip Scrub
💜 4 Lip glosses
💜 2 Glitter Gels
💜 2 Pressed Powder Blushes#DisneyLizzieMcGuireandColourPop pic.twitter.com/xkoEhEy7Uk
The news quickly gained steam on social media, with fans expressing their excitement to stock up when it drops. “You telling me ColorPop Cosmetics is about to make my childhood fantasy come true?” one Twitter user wrote.
No..it can’t be…you telling me ColorPop Cosmetics is about to make my childhood fantasy come true? A Lizzie McGuire line???? *screams in 12 year old me* pic.twitter.com/TPb81ZrVf5
— Please. (@onnitK) March 22, 2021
In an Instagram comment that now has over 1,400 likes, someone suggested card-carrying ’90s babies get early access to the Lizzie McGuire lineup. “Like senior access?????” they wrote. Suffice to say that this collection is what nostalgic makeup dreams are made of.
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